Why do people put down things that help others?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Cary, NC
Posts: 715
Count me in on the pot stirrers early on in recovery.
Most times if I'm advocating a point of view or bashing someone else's, I'm insecure about the issue. If I know something to be true about myself - i.e. that I'm a "real" alcoholic - I feel no need to defend my views or attack another. Not to say debate is bad, just not my style.
AA has no monopoly on recovery - the Big Book itself makes that clear. I just like to stick to my own experience, as it's the only thing I can really share. Telling someone else how to think or what program to run means I'm not really in a great place myself.
Most times if I'm advocating a point of view or bashing someone else's, I'm insecure about the issue. If I know something to be true about myself - i.e. that I'm a "real" alcoholic - I feel no need to defend my views or attack another. Not to say debate is bad, just not my style.
AA has no monopoly on recovery - the Big Book itself makes that clear. I just like to stick to my own experience, as it's the only thing I can really share. Telling someone else how to think or what program to run means I'm not really in a great place myself.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
Most of the folks who question AA admit to have never gone to AA. That's like complaining about Walmart if you have never had the joy of shopping there. You have to go there and experience it before you can complain!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Caswell Beach
Posts: 85
I am all for AA. I went when I was able to stop drinking in the Fall. I think what turned me off to it, though, was that one week I was really busy with work and what not, and didn't make it to as many meetings as I had been going to, but was still reading and posting on here. However, when I said that to some of my AA friends, they said that there was no way that I could maintain my sobriety without going to the meetings and talkign to the people and doing the steps. I felt like "Who are you to tell me what will and won't work for me" I was very unhappy when I left that meetings, and pretty much ended up stopping going.
Now that we have moved back to CT, I think that I am going to give meetings another try, since there will be a completely different group of people...Perhaps not so much negativity.
Now that we have moved back to CT, I think that I am going to give meetings another try, since there will be a completely different group of people...Perhaps not so much negativity.
Ethanol Intolerant
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Cascadia
Posts: 665
I think being cynical and judgmental is part of being an alcoholic. (I would add argumentative too, but I don't want to tick anyone off 
) I know I created divisions between people (and programs) that were not really there. I believe this was my ego trying to protect itself.
And yes LaF you were a terror when you started here. Ahem,
But I think that is part of recovery too. Our bad behavior helped us get through some of the early stuff. Thank you my friend.
) I know I created divisions between people (and programs) that were not really there. I believe this was my ego trying to protect itself.And yes LaF you were a terror when you started here. Ahem,
But I think that is part of recovery too. Our bad behavior helped us get through some of the early stuff. Thank you my friend.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 333
I wouldn't accept I was a 'proper' alcoholic, that's part of why I dismissed and sneered at AA - me? stand up and say 'I'm an alcoholic?' No way!!! It was wrong of me. Personally I couldn't do it alone. I'm glad I've found what works for me - finally!
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Originally Posted by trixieisme 
I felt like "Who are you to tell me what will and won't work for me" I was very unhappy when I left that meetings, and pretty much ended up stopping going.
.
.
They're recovered alcoholics who know what it takes to get sober and stay sober.
(think about it)
Kjell~
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 228
Originally Posted by LaFemme
And I have had people tell me that my way is wrong and I am destined to fail because I am not in a program.
I was going to post a thread earlier today and didn't due to the lack of time, but the jist of it is essentially what's being said here. While I may not necessarily agree with everyone here, SR has provided me with a support system that I sincerely value with all my heart. When I read about all of the newbies and regulars struggling while trying to quit or relapsing, it's just a constant daily reminder that I could be in the very same place if I were to ever pick up one more drink. Just one friggin' drink would be all that it would take to put me back into that cold and dark hellhole that I never care to experience ever again, and I feel a sadness as well as hope for all of those that are still there. So, with that said, I'd just like to say a very special "thank you" to all of you, no matter who you may be! You've helped me more than you might possibly imagine!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Alabama
Posts: 226
Isn't sober, uhhh, sober. Thats all that should matter. Any person, AA or "non-AA", should be happy of any person staying sober regardless of their "program". I am an AA member and personally it bothers me more to hear people say that its, "AA or death". I mean did the AA co-founders have AA or even the big book in the early years? Heck no. All they had was themselves and their collective longing for sobriety. They worked out a program that worked for them. Why cant someone else do exactly what they did?
The same goes for people who cant grasp the concept of God, higher power, or whatever it is that bothers them about AA. I have to have god in my sobriety in order to stay sober. If this is a problem to you, fine, but lets still work together to stay sober. Not try to find something that divides us.
More unity in the addict community is always needed.
The same goes for people who cant grasp the concept of God, higher power, or whatever it is that bothers them about AA. I have to have god in my sobriety in order to stay sober. If this is a problem to you, fine, but lets still work together to stay sober. Not try to find something that divides us.
More unity in the addict community is always needed.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 270
Originally Posted by littlefish
Most of the folks who question AA admit to have never gone to AA. That's like complaining about Walmart if you have never had the joy of shopping there. You have to go there and experience it before you can complain!
Jack Trimpey, "Blamedenial" , "Agent Orange" , Ken Ragge, and the crew at "Stinkin Thinkin" come to mind.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: SoCal CA
Posts: 1,319
Well I'll chime in...because I always do.
I don't feel like I bash AA, unless AA and the BB says that there is only a spiritual solution for a "real alcoholic". Also I don't question unless they say that if you aren't happily sober you are a "dry drunk" because you aren't doing the steps.
I don't have a problem with AA and the 12 step program, but I do take offense to people in that program who "sell it" as the only way. I also don't necessarily agree that alcoholism is anything more than a substance abuse issue and for you to beat it you have to change your total personality and it can't be done with willpower and knowledge. I completely disagree with the thought that people are "powerless", before they are under the influence. I think many people feel powerless once they are mentally obsessed and physically addicted to alcohol, but I don't think you need a spiritual awakening to find power over the bottle. I think many different things give people that power, maturity being number one.
I think AA is a very successful program because it gives people fellowship with people who understand. It offers daily face to face meetings to keep people accountable. It give members a workable program in the 12 steps that not only should keep you thinking about your recovery daily, (if you are doing your inventory), it also gives you the opportunity to either repair or move on from relationships that you damaged while drinking so as not to make you drink over them again, and I think the 12 steps help to keep you accountable for your actions.
It is a positve program that helps many many people, but to say it's not faith based and religious also will get my ire. Because it is.
I was also put off by the fact that in a couple of my initial posts when I found the forum I stated that I had done an extended period of meetings in the past and I was not interested in the AA program, and I still got 5 posts back saying "you should try it again", "maybe you just weren't ready for AA"..... I don't want to be sold a program. If it is good and if it is what I am looking for and if I made it here I am sure that I don't need help finding AA, especially after I said I wasn't interested and I already had experience with it.
So those are my beefs with the program, I don't feel I go out of my way to bash the program, because I really think it is ingenious and works for many, but if I see something I don't agree with in the forum I will comment. I apologize it this offends anyone else, but I know for a fact that normally if I question a post whether it be on the board of by PM normally the writers of these posts don't mind offending me and my sobriety personally.
For what it's worth I am trying to tone myself down, because I know for the most part it isn't helping anyone, and no one ever wins an argument on a forum.
I don't feel like I bash AA, unless AA and the BB says that there is only a spiritual solution for a "real alcoholic". Also I don't question unless they say that if you aren't happily sober you are a "dry drunk" because you aren't doing the steps.I don't have a problem with AA and the 12 step program, but I do take offense to people in that program who "sell it" as the only way. I also don't necessarily agree that alcoholism is anything more than a substance abuse issue and for you to beat it you have to change your total personality and it can't be done with willpower and knowledge. I completely disagree with the thought that people are "powerless", before they are under the influence. I think many people feel powerless once they are mentally obsessed and physically addicted to alcohol, but I don't think you need a spiritual awakening to find power over the bottle. I think many different things give people that power, maturity being number one.
I think AA is a very successful program because it gives people fellowship with people who understand. It offers daily face to face meetings to keep people accountable. It give members a workable program in the 12 steps that not only should keep you thinking about your recovery daily, (if you are doing your inventory), it also gives you the opportunity to either repair or move on from relationships that you damaged while drinking so as not to make you drink over them again, and I think the 12 steps help to keep you accountable for your actions.
It is a positve program that helps many many people, but to say it's not faith based and religious also will get my ire. Because it is.
I was also put off by the fact that in a couple of my initial posts when I found the forum I stated that I had done an extended period of meetings in the past and I was not interested in the AA program, and I still got 5 posts back saying "you should try it again", "maybe you just weren't ready for AA"..... I don't want to be sold a program. If it is good and if it is what I am looking for and if I made it here I am sure that I don't need help finding AA, especially after I said I wasn't interested and I already had experience with it.
So those are my beefs with the program, I don't feel I go out of my way to bash the program, because I really think it is ingenious and works for many, but if I see something I don't agree with in the forum I will comment. I apologize it this offends anyone else, but I know for a fact that normally if I question a post whether it be on the board of by PM normally the writers of these posts don't mind offending me and my sobriety personally.
For what it's worth I am trying to tone myself down, because I know for the most part it isn't helping anyone, and no one ever wins an argument on a forum.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
Originally Posted by littlefish
Most of the folks who question AA admit to have never gone to AA. That's like complaining about Walmart if you have never had the joy of shopping there. You have to go there and experience it before you can complain!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,431
OK gang...lets not make this thread into an example of what the OP was talking about.
I spent a lot of time arguing in my early years.
Personally I think I became a far better member and poster here when I decided to let my experience, and my conduct, do the talkin'.
I speak for me. I don't pretend to have all the answers.
I simply present what worked for me - sometimes people will get benefit from that, sometimes not.
I'm not threatened by what has worked for someone else, and I'm not upset when someone else suggests I should do it their way....I'm an adult and I make my own decisions.
I'm glad (and as a mod I'm proud) we have a range of approaches here for people to choose from.
I'm here to help - not to argue.
D
I spent a lot of time arguing in my early years.
Personally I think I became a far better member and poster here when I decided to let my experience, and my conduct, do the talkin'.
I speak for me. I don't pretend to have all the answers.
I simply present what worked for me - sometimes people will get benefit from that, sometimes not.
I'm not threatened by what has worked for someone else, and I'm not upset when someone else suggests I should do it their way....I'm an adult and I make my own decisions.
I'm glad (and as a mod I'm proud) we have a range of approaches here for people to choose from.
I'm here to help - not to argue.
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Posts: 645
trixieisme ... I stopped going to AA too. That was a little over eight months ago. I wrote a long post on the AA 12 step forum under the thread "Am I Powerless Enough -- Step One" that describes my journey. The post I wrote is on page 2. I don't know if it will help you or not, but you might check it out. I don't know that I have all the answers (or even any of the answers), but I continue to search, pray, read, question, listen, etc. Susan
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
It's been said that you get out of it what you put in. This holds true of anything. If you go in anywhere...and have a negative, stubborn attitude chances are you won't have an open mind to receive the information that is gifted to you.
I try to keep an open mind, more now than ever...I look for the signs, I look for the open doors...I stay open in spirit to ideas and adventures that will benefit my recovery and personal growth.
But what I get out of something maybe a whole 'nother idea than what you get out of it. That's because we are all on different roads headed to the same place.
I try to keep an open mind, more now than ever...I look for the signs, I look for the open doors...I stay open in spirit to ideas and adventures that will benefit my recovery and personal growth.
But what I get out of something maybe a whole 'nother idea than what you get out of it. That's because we are all on different roads headed to the same place.
Life is Grand
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,039
I know that when I was not truly ready to quit drinking, I was more likely to put a recovery program down than to accept responsibility for my drinking. Then was I was ready to quit, I might not run to the program I thought had "failed" me, true alcoholic that I am, I have a THICK skull!!
If you are working you recovery program, and staying sober....good for you. Don't let anyone tell you that you are wrong...some people were negative before thay ever started drinking, being sober doesn't change who we always were!!!
Cathy
If you are working you recovery program, and staying sober....good for you. Don't let anyone tell you that you are wrong...some people were negative before thay ever started drinking, being sober doesn't change who we always were!!!
Cathy
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