New Here: What is Rock Bottom?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 471
Welcome, Z! Your first post struck a chord in me because I feel a lot of those same feelings...worthless, not worthy of love....it's something I still deal with. I do suffer from depression and anxiety as well as alcoholism, and I think I really did want to (subconsciously) kill myself. It's what I felt I deserved. It's still hard for me to fathom that people care about me, but I think we need to constantly remind ourselves that we ARE worth more than this life we've been living. Fake it til you make it, right? Keep posting and good luck to you!
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
Originally Posted by flutter 
A loose definition that I use is that it is the moment in which the pain of continuing drinking outweighs the pain and fear of recovery. When I found myself wanting to recover more than I wanted another drink, things finally fell in place.
We're all basically pleasure seekers, right? So I had to realize that sobriety would be a pleasure. And it is! It really is. All the fears I had about sobriety were nonsensical things. Just the alcohol talking.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
Originally Posted by SSIL75
It was as simple as that for me, too. I mean getting there was not simple but basically I had to realize that sober living would be a great thing.
We're all basically pleasure seekers, right? So I had to realize that sobriety would be a pleasure. And it is! It really is. All the fears I had about sobriety were nonsensical things. Just the alcohol talking.
We're all basically pleasure seekers, right? So I had to realize that sobriety would be a pleasure. And it is! It really is. All the fears I had about sobriety were nonsensical things. Just the alcohol talking.
Hi Zini,
Could really relate to a lot of what you're feeling; .......esp. the part of almost burning your place down. That' was one of my (many) fears, before I came here to SR. Cooking while blacking out, ....waking up looking for clues.
I'll bet many here are "over achievers" and "perfectionists" ......as LF mentioned. Never seen it framed that way, but it makes perfect sense, that "rock bottom" .....would mean THE END for some of us.
Just keeping enough faith in the future, one day at a time, to give myself a little time (basically) to allow a slow rewiring in my thinkin'.
totally agree with SSIL75; putting it so simply;
We're all basically pleasure seekers, right? So I had to realize that sobriety would be a pleasure. And it is! It really is. All the fears I had about sobriety were nonsensical things. Just the alcohol talking
Welcome to SR !!!
Hope you'll keep posting, .....all the bad things that would , could happen;
......won't , if you can do this now.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 609
Rock bottom may not necessarily be the result of some external consequence or factor. It can just be that one has been left feeling emotionally and spiritually 'bankrupt'. Your drinking pattern sounds very similar to mine btw before things started really becoming ugly.
You can be the most intellectual, informed, insightful person but still have a tough time in recovery. These are often the very type who are expert at rationalizing, and prolonging their habit. 'Rock bottom' tends to be a very raw moment, not merely a state of intellectual awareness.
I'd been in hospitals, ambulance emergencies etc, but my rock bottom came from a comparatively minor incident. My mother noticed that I was somewhat hungover one day, she didn't make a fuss, but I felt so terrible over it, that was my last drinking session.
I think there can be a negative and positive side to the 'rock bottom' concept. At its best it is a catalyst for positive change. Used badly, it's just another excuse to keep digging deeper into a hole.
You can be the most intellectual, informed, insightful person but still have a tough time in recovery. These are often the very type who are expert at rationalizing, and prolonging their habit. 'Rock bottom' tends to be a very raw moment, not merely a state of intellectual awareness.
I'd been in hospitals, ambulance emergencies etc, but my rock bottom came from a comparatively minor incident. My mother noticed that I was somewhat hungover one day, she didn't make a fuss, but I felt so terrible over it, that was my last drinking session.
I think there can be a negative and positive side to the 'rock bottom' concept. At its best it is a catalyst for positive change. Used badly, it's just another excuse to keep digging deeper into a hole.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Only ways of defining my own particular "brand" of alcoholism.
Unfortunately, all the brands bear the same price to be paid. You can label yourself anyway you want to justify your thinking but the bottom line is we are still all powerless over alcohol.
I'd been drinking for 30 years before my life changed. Husband and I separated and I was on my own. And doing fine I may say. Until I lost control & lost my new job.
But the way my life had been playing out I believe everything happens for a reason. I had to believe in faith that I was gonna be ok and not to go against the grain of life that everything would just work out and fall into place. For the most part it has.
For you to reach out and try to understand yourself and this addiction is the first step on your journey. You should seek support through AA first and see if you can hook up with folks that will be there for you. They know people, they have ideas and can help keep you grounded in your sobriety.
It's not gonna be easy...but you will regret far less being sober then you will continuing in your path of destruction.
Glad your here.
Oh -and I've always loved to write and draw. I find that I am much more productive sober!
Unfortunately, all the brands bear the same price to be paid. You can label yourself anyway you want to justify your thinking but the bottom line is we are still all powerless over alcohol.
I'd been drinking for 30 years before my life changed. Husband and I separated and I was on my own. And doing fine I may say. Until I lost control & lost my new job.
But the way my life had been playing out I believe everything happens for a reason. I had to believe in faith that I was gonna be ok and not to go against the grain of life that everything would just work out and fall into place. For the most part it has.
For you to reach out and try to understand yourself and this addiction is the first step on your journey. You should seek support through AA first and see if you can hook up with folks that will be there for you. They know people, they have ideas and can help keep you grounded in your sobriety.
It's not gonna be easy...but you will regret far less being sober then you will continuing in your path of destruction.
Glad your here.
Oh -and I've always loved to write and draw. I find that I am much more productive sober!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Vancouver BC
Posts: 64
Wow , a lot of great insights as to rock bottom and as I read I was nodding my head.
I haven't lost my wife , my kids , my job , no DUI by sheer bloody luck in the last year , before I last year I would never drive impaired but suddenly the need for a bottle blanked out how careless I was being for the welfare of others and myself...ya it was me , me ,me and my bottle.
I kind of lean toward rock bottom is when your body , mind and soul are gone be it in a corpse in the morgue or walking around still but hardly alive and living. A place where you aren't even considering trying to stop , have lost all hope , all will, and any and all faith in a HP or anything else. A place where you don't care for anyone or anything except your next drink. A place were you will do anything , and I mean anything for the next drink.
What I found of late is part of what I consider rock bottom started to show up in my life...but I had not lost all hope , had not lost all faith and found I do care about more than myself and the bottle.
Its no easy set of work to recover but I firmly believe its worth the journey. The sheer heell of the last few detox's have reminded me of what I am doing and the work I put in to get through them means I do want a life off the vicious circle of binge , madness and then living hell.
Stay close to SR , I lurked here for a long time and it helped me avoid some worse situations I could have been in and now its a part of my daily inspiration toward staying sober the next 24.
I haven't lost my wife , my kids , my job , no DUI by sheer bloody luck in the last year , before I last year I would never drive impaired but suddenly the need for a bottle blanked out how careless I was being for the welfare of others and myself...ya it was me , me ,me and my bottle.
I kind of lean toward rock bottom is when your body , mind and soul are gone be it in a corpse in the morgue or walking around still but hardly alive and living. A place where you aren't even considering trying to stop , have lost all hope , all will, and any and all faith in a HP or anything else. A place where you don't care for anyone or anything except your next drink. A place were you will do anything , and I mean anything for the next drink.
What I found of late is part of what I consider rock bottom started to show up in my life...but I had not lost all hope , had not lost all faith and found I do care about more than myself and the bottle.
Its no easy set of work to recover but I firmly believe its worth the journey. The sheer heell of the last few detox's have reminded me of what I am doing and the work I put in to get through them means I do want a life off the vicious circle of binge , madness and then living hell.
Stay close to SR , I lurked here for a long time and it helped me avoid some worse situations I could have been in and now its a part of my daily inspiration toward staying sober the next 24.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi Zini and welcome to the forum -
Maybe the most important question is: what do you want to be your rock bottom? I think if I waited until I really wanted to quit, it would be because something really awful happened (beyond the typical hangover).
So I guess you could say my bottom was looking at what would inevitably happen if I continued. I had already spent years trying to have more willpower to control it, finding new reasons why I should put off quitting, comparing myself to others.......... and finally saw how much denial I was in.
So.....I just decided I'd rather stop sooner than later.
Glad you're here - hope you keep reading and posting!
Maybe the most important question is: what do you want to be your rock bottom? I think if I waited until I really wanted to quit, it would be because something really awful happened (beyond the typical hangover).
So I guess you could say my bottom was looking at what would inevitably happen if I continued. I had already spent years trying to have more willpower to control it, finding new reasons why I should put off quitting, comparing myself to others.......... and finally saw how much denial I was in.
So.....I just decided I'd rather stop sooner than later.
Glad you're here - hope you keep reading and posting!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 50
Hi all,
Just checking in to let you know how sensitive, supportive and insightful all your posts are. I already feel like I am part of a community, and that is more helpful than I can begin to convey.
Day 5 dawns bright and lovely, and am planning a long walk in the woods today. My sleeping has been quite erratic, but I know that is to be expected. Many things said here have struck a chord with me. The idea about all of us being pleasure-seekers - I saw a great little short on youtube about that the other day and I think I will post it in a new thread.
The idea that rock bottom can be as simple as the disappointment of a loved one.
Also, seeing how all of you take such clear-eyed responsibility for your behavior, and how you are so committed to recovery.
As I said, I have been able to call myself an alcoholic for a while now, but I realize now, I could never allow it to "click" with the rest of my personality. It's like I was two separate people - a functional, if eccentric and pleasure-seeking person, and this blackout monster who drank way too much by night. They couldn't quite be the same person, because then I would have the pall of that label casting shadow over my entire life.
But seeing all your posts, I realize: being an alcoholic doesn't negate any other positive thing I might be. And taking responsibility for my addiction actually allows all the good things to come to the forefront, instead of muddling together shamefully somewhere in the background.
As I may or may not have revealed, I am stuck way out in the woods in Southern Germany on a nine-month artist fellowship. I finally found AA meetings, in English, being held nightly about an hour's bus/tube ride from here. I've been to a couple of meetings before in my hometown, and they never spoke to me, but I am willing to take what support I can get from wherever I can get it at this point. I had an excellent counselor at an outpatient rehab center back home, but as those sessions are unavailable to me now, I will try whatever else I can. Because I am committed to my recovery. So I will go and let you know how it goes.
And I will tell you from now: when it comes my turn to declare myself an alcoholic, I will feel no shame. Because I am in recovery now. And there is nothing but pride in that.
Lots of sincere love and luck to you all.
Just checking in to let you know how sensitive, supportive and insightful all your posts are. I already feel like I am part of a community, and that is more helpful than I can begin to convey.
Day 5 dawns bright and lovely, and am planning a long walk in the woods today. My sleeping has been quite erratic, but I know that is to be expected. Many things said here have struck a chord with me. The idea about all of us being pleasure-seekers - I saw a great little short on youtube about that the other day and I think I will post it in a new thread.
The idea that rock bottom can be as simple as the disappointment of a loved one.
Also, seeing how all of you take such clear-eyed responsibility for your behavior, and how you are so committed to recovery.
As I said, I have been able to call myself an alcoholic for a while now, but I realize now, I could never allow it to "click" with the rest of my personality. It's like I was two separate people - a functional, if eccentric and pleasure-seeking person, and this blackout monster who drank way too much by night. They couldn't quite be the same person, because then I would have the pall of that label casting shadow over my entire life.
But seeing all your posts, I realize: being an alcoholic doesn't negate any other positive thing I might be. And taking responsibility for my addiction actually allows all the good things to come to the forefront, instead of muddling together shamefully somewhere in the background.
As I may or may not have revealed, I am stuck way out in the woods in Southern Germany on a nine-month artist fellowship. I finally found AA meetings, in English, being held nightly about an hour's bus/tube ride from here. I've been to a couple of meetings before in my hometown, and they never spoke to me, but I am willing to take what support I can get from wherever I can get it at this point. I had an excellent counselor at an outpatient rehab center back home, but as those sessions are unavailable to me now, I will try whatever else I can. Because I am committed to my recovery. So I will go and let you know how it goes.
And I will tell you from now: when it comes my turn to declare myself an alcoholic, I will feel no shame. Because I am in recovery now. And there is nothing but pride in that.
Lots of sincere love and luck to you all.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 100
I also like flutter's definition of rock bottom. I think it is relative to each individual. For me, the shame and pain in realizing what I've lost and how I've impacted those I love is enough to compel me to change, despite the fact that I have been relatively functional throughout my drinking years.
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Edinburgh, UK
Posts: 13
Rock bottom is so hard identify.
I am 32 also and now on my 11th day of sobriety. I was basically forced into stopping this time as my body simply refused to consume alcohol anymore after a decade of serious binging.
I feel great at the moment and I feel stupid for not stopping sooner.
I've done awful things while drunk, which I really think for most people (most non-alcoholics anyway) would stop them from drinking but for some of us it's just much harder.
I am 32 also and now on my 11th day of sobriety. I was basically forced into stopping this time as my body simply refused to consume alcohol anymore after a decade of serious binging.
I feel great at the moment and I feel stupid for not stopping sooner.
I've done awful things while drunk, which I really think for most people (most non-alcoholics anyway) would stop them from drinking but for some of us it's just much harder.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 270
Originally Posted by LaFemme
In my opinion I say "to hell with rock bottom"...people use it as an excuse to keep drinking..."oh well haven't hit rock bottom yet I guess I'll have a drink...after all I'm not puking blood yet."
Originally Posted by stacylove
Yes wtf is rock bottom already? I believe rock bottom is death, hence the word rock bottom... No one ever says I should have waited longer to quit.
Forget about the idea of "needing to hit bottom before you are ready" - it is dangerous.
Zini, the important question is, are you afraid of where you are headed if you keep drinking? If you are not afraid, then you probably have no good reason to stop, but since you are posting here, I suspect that you are.
If you are not, however, stick around or read some of the older posts if you want to see where this path leads. Read "Under the Influence" by James Milam for an excellent "crash course" on the topic.
I can only speak for myself, but I wasted almost two years thinking that things where not yet "bad enough" - until they where.
Things can and will get worse. Do not doubt that for one second.
That said, I will ask you to ponder what no one asked me:
What is your present plan for the future use of alcohol? Do you plan to keep drinking, or not?
If drinking is causing you pain and trouble, wouldn't it be wise to stop doing it?
If drinking is causing you pain and trouble, wouldn't it be wise to stop doing it?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 28
Originally Posted by Soph
Welcome to SR Zini. You will find a lot of support here and I daresay you will get many replies to your post today.
Recognizing your rock bottom is entirely personal. (And I didn't want mine to be worse than it was, which was not very bad at all..just tired of my own constant BS really...) But as Genjen mentions, there is always the idea of "yet"" - code for "You're Eligible Too" - today you wake up with a swollen thumb, but down the line maybe in a hospital or morgue. Not to be too ominous about it but blackouts get worse, not better.
I have known I have a dependency for years and years. I relate to your post because I too kept putting sobriety off; the cons were not really "con" enough. But I did what the experts (sober drunks) advised...they say, well, just try stopping for a month. Just a month. See how that is for you. Tell people you're on a health kick if they ask why you're drinking lemonade or water instead of beer. Everyone respects a health kick.
You will find more answers...and questions... within yourself during the first weeks of sobriety. Your post already tells a lot about how much you know about yourself. Might as well give it a whirl?
I have found that I need support, personal support in AA, where I can meet other women and make some friendships with others who can relate to my difficulty.
Either way...best of luck...and keep posting...SR is very supportive!
Recognizing your rock bottom is entirely personal. (And I didn't want mine to be worse than it was, which was not very bad at all..just tired of my own constant BS really...) But as Genjen mentions, there is always the idea of "yet"" - code for "You're Eligible Too" - today you wake up with a swollen thumb, but down the line maybe in a hospital or morgue. Not to be too ominous about it but blackouts get worse, not better.
I have known I have a dependency for years and years. I relate to your post because I too kept putting sobriety off; the cons were not really "con" enough. But I did what the experts (sober drunks) advised...they say, well, just try stopping for a month. Just a month. See how that is for you. Tell people you're on a health kick if they ask why you're drinking lemonade or water instead of beer. Everyone respects a health kick.
You will find more answers...and questions... within yourself during the first weeks of sobriety. Your post already tells a lot about how much you know about yourself. Might as well give it a whirl?
I have found that I need support, personal support in AA, where I can meet other women and make some friendships with others who can relate to my difficulty.
Either way...best of luck...and keep posting...SR is very supportive!
HI Zini,
I would also strongly recommend you stopping drinking for a month and then continuing drinking after that respite. It is comparitively easy to stop for 31 days if you know you will be able to resume drinking on the 32nd day. I understand how when you are still relatively young and single, there are still enough positives from drinking to offset the negatives. You should begin now to experiment with and practice sobriety. I can assure you that it will be very insightful for you over that month as well as after you resume drinking.
As I can relate to drinking like you back in my late 20's and early 30's I am pretty sure that the positive things you receive from drinking will begin to be outweighed by the negatives down the road for you if they are not already. I posted a couple of days ago that in retrospect I should have stopped drinking when I was 30-35 years old but I didnt finally stop until I was 49. Alcoholism is progressive and as you continue to drink changes in your body's physiology and chemistry will move you down the path to becoming a full blown pickled alky. You can read about that aspect in the book, Under the Influence
As to what to tell your drinking buddies, I would simply tell them you have been partying too much and are taking a month off and will meet them for drinks on X date. Tell them you are trying to lose weight or get healthy or whatever. I can assure you that down the road you will not look back and say "Damn, I really regret not drinking at all during May 2011."
Member
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: AZ
Posts: 217
Wow so much of your story is the same as mine. Probably everyone would say that.
I don't know if I ever hit "rock bottom". After laying in bed for the umpteenth time, with my heart about to burst out of my chest, feeling like I was going to die, I decided it was time. I want to live to see my kids grow up. I don't want to throw away 21 years of marriage.
Welcome to SR. You'll find lots of encouragement and no judging here.
Stay strong.
I don't know if I ever hit "rock bottom". After laying in bed for the umpteenth time, with my heart about to burst out of my chest, feeling like I was going to die, I decided it was time. I want to live to see my kids grow up. I don't want to throw away 21 years of marriage.
Welcome to SR. You'll find lots of encouragement and no judging here.
Stay strong.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
For me, rock bottom was knowing that I had to take action.
I had to do something to save myself. I couldn't give up.
I just knew that I had to find a way to stop drinking and to begin to live.
I had to do something to save myself. I couldn't give up.
I just knew that I had to find a way to stop drinking and to begin to live.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 107
I hit my "rock Bottom" on Wednesday morning when I woke up beside a man I have known for a long time and on some level I actually hate. We never get along EVER yet I spent the night in his bed!
This happened just 2 days after promising my husband that I will make our marriage work no matter what it takes. I am feeling like such a bum right now, I am worried about my husband finding out .... not because I am worried about taking responsibility but I am worried about hurting him "AGAIN"
This happened just 2 days after promising my husband that I will make our marriage work no matter what it takes. I am feeling like such a bum right now, I am worried about my husband finding out .... not because I am worried about taking responsibility but I am worried about hurting him "AGAIN"
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Germany
Posts: 50
I wanted to tell you all that I went to an AA meeting tonight, and I feel so calm and happy. It was only three of us, so I did end up getting to share and speak, which I wasn't sure I wanted to do initially. I went to the meeting instead of going to an exhibition opening where the wine would be free and flowing, and I'm so glad to have made that choice.
Initially, I was considering going to the exhibition because my not being there might offend my friends who are showing their work. And then thought, what's more important? Not offending people, or my sobriety, my fricking LIFE?
On the way back from the meeting, I skipped the complicated bus connections and walked for 45 minutes uphill through the woods instead. The stars were so bright and beautiful overhead. I felt connected. I felt calm. I felt safe, in every sense of the word.
In an hour and a half, at midnight here, I get to put a big purple X on the calendar I made just for this purpose, so I could have a visual aid for my days of sobriety.
Going to go again to AA tomorrow.
One day at a time.
That's how we all do it, right?
HUGS to all.
Initially, I was considering going to the exhibition because my not being there might offend my friends who are showing their work. And then thought, what's more important? Not offending people, or my sobriety, my fricking LIFE?
On the way back from the meeting, I skipped the complicated bus connections and walked for 45 minutes uphill through the woods instead. The stars were so bright and beautiful overhead. I felt connected. I felt calm. I felt safe, in every sense of the word.
In an hour and a half, at midnight here, I get to put a big purple X on the calendar I made just for this purpose, so I could have a visual aid for my days of sobriety.
Going to go again to AA tomorrow.
One day at a time.
That's how we all do it, right?
HUGS to all.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
GREAT CHOICE ....on giving yourself a break last night !
Was taking some solitary walks myself early on, .....to reflect, a little, on priorities. For me, healthy physical activity really reinforces recovery. Getting to that place you describe perfectly :
.......and walked for 45 minutes uphill through the woods instead. The stars were so bright and beautiful overhead. I felt connected. I felt calm. I felt safe, in every sense of the word.
Keep up the good work !
........ thx for reminding me we all do this just " one day at a time
Was taking some solitary walks myself early on, .....to reflect, a little, on priorities. For me, healthy physical activity really reinforces recovery. Getting to that place you describe perfectly :
.......and walked for 45 minutes uphill through the woods instead. The stars were so bright and beautiful overhead. I felt connected. I felt calm. I felt safe, in every sense of the word.
Keep up the good work !
........ thx for reminding me we all do this just " one day at a time
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