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New here...finally becoming sober.

Old 04-04-2011, 07:41 PM
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New here...finally becoming sober.

Hello, I am an addict. I started using heroin back in September of 2010, over the summer I went through a bad break up with a girl I dated for 2 years. Im 18 so of course all the emotions were so intense, etc etc. You know how that is. Well I started using in september and have been on and off because of being caught or whatever the case may be. I went through an IOP rehab which was such a waste of time. Well to fast forward, last week I went down to the east side of cleveland to go to my guy, gave him 40 bucks, and I was on my way. I noticed it didnt smell right or anything. I tried some of it, and it turned straight into liquid on my foil (i freebased) and i got a hit. In 5 mins I thought I was having a heartattack, it was some hallucinogen. So I continued to drive and I blacked out and hit a parked car doing 50 mph head on, came out with little to no injuries. I'm blessed to be alive right now, and have been clean since. I'm on suboxone as well now. My main issue I have is my father, and almost my mother now too. They dont let me do anything. My buddy was gonna pick me up so we could go get food, and my dad freaked out so bad because he was completely convinced I was gonna use the money to relapse. After I started fighting him about it he was like "see, i knew you wanted to use. if you werent gonna use and i didnt just stop you, you wouldnt be all pissed right now" and today, one of my good childhood friends OD'd and his mom called me when I was at my suboxone clinic meeting with my dad and I talked to her for a bit while my dad talked to my doctor. When we got home i went on the computer and started playing a game and my dad came in my room, took all the lighters out of my room, starting going through this locker i have looking in all the boxes, basically raiding it while im right there, so my dad thinks that i used my friend od'ing as a way to take the attention off of me and in reality my friend is perfectly fine. wrong. my friend might not live. idk, my dad is very intense and irrational and jsut so paranoid idk what to do. my moms getting there too, and she has MS (Multiple Sclerosis). she used to be my best friend and i could tell her anything but shes been so unpleasant for me to be around. everytime i wanna do soemthing she's giving me 10000000 reasons why i cant. i tell her my friends can pick me up. "no because you stole my money before and we could use it", etc. yeah i know that doesnt make sense. it never does. and everytime i tell her that she just gets all pissed. its a complete hell hole here. I havent left my house in 1 week. I'm always just so irritated. Im unhappy. This recovery is not working. If it werent for the suboxone id be sitting in my room freaking out on how to get high. I'm scared for when the effects where off. Even my doctor told my dad that im 18 and i have a free will to make my own choices and that he needs to back off. my mom thinks im making that up. and my dad is just so "scared to lose me" he seriously wont let me do anything. i need some advice.
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Old 04-04-2011, 07:53 PM
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welcome leonyo - My DOC was alcohol, but I remember how my parents reacted when they found out about some pot and alcohol for the first time (I think I was 19). They were quite upset and I got several "talks" and restrictions too. I didn't wreck my car though or end up in the hospital, so I can't imagine how that would feel to a parent.

I can also see it from the other side now, though (I have 3 children and the youngest is 18). If that happened to my daughter, I would be scared to death and do anything I could to keep it from happening again.

Since you're still under their roof, it's a little hard to do your own thing..... if you show them you're really serious about being clean/sober and you work to get out on your own and support yourself, you'll be able to live your life the way you'd like.

I'm just glad you made it through - you know, next time you might not be so lucky, huh?
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Old 04-04-2011, 07:55 PM
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I'm just so drained, I have no idea what I can do. All I do is sit on this computer and play games or go outside and play basketball when its not raining. I havent left in a week, and my doctor says not to go to NA/AA meetings bc they run meetings at the clinic 3 times a week that I attend.
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Old 04-04-2011, 08:00 PM
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First of all, welcome to SR. This is a great place to vent, get advice and support. You asked for some advice, so I'll give you some. Understand that this is my opinion, and as the saying goes, "opinions are like a-holes, everyone has one."

While I understand you weren't using for a very long time, using herion is some pretty serious stuff. From what you have said it sounds like you were pretty wreckless when you were using. You mentioned that you stole money to get drugs. I'm sure, if you are at all like me, you lied to your parents face about when you were using. You have only not been using for about a week, you are going to have to give your parents a little time to rebuild some trust in you. You said yourself that "if you didn't have the suboxone you would be freaking out in your room on how to get high," and "this recovery is not working" Recovery is about more than just not using.

I personally only have about a month clean, so I am in no position to lecture anyone. I am 42 and living with my parents because I've pretty thourghly f'd up my life with drugs. I am very serious about staying clean now. So serious that I welcome the questions from my parrents. They are free to look anywhere in my room, anytime, it's their house anyway. I'm not going to say that this doesn't get on my nerves from time to time, but I have warned them ahead of time that I may be short tempered or snapy with them, but they need to do what they need to do. It really sounds like they only have your best interests in mind. I know it's hard, but understand that you almost died last week, as a direct result of your drug use. It's going to take time.

I would highly recomend you look into some kind of recovery program. NA is the most available, I'm sure there will be others that can give you more advice in that area. Anyway, just try to take a deep breath and understand that things won't be like this forever, even though it may seem that way right now. I hope you stick around here, there is a great deal of help and wisdom to be found. Take care.
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Old 04-04-2011, 08:40 PM
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Hi Leonyo...I'm a parent, I'm a daughter and I'm an alcoholic.
My 18 year old daughter gives me grief about going in her room although she isn't a user. But it's her room, its her stuff and I'm to stay out. I understand that battle.
I was a daughter that lied, stole, drank and did dope...my parents were at wits end as to what to do with me and NOW they are the only ones I can talk to.
As an alcoholic I understand the addict side of you -sort of. I understand the mood swings and how hard it is to focus.
I've been on the computer way too much lately because it's just mind candy and keeps me from overloading and blowing up.
You have to understand your parents love you. They don't know what to do for you. They probably think that overprotection will make you better -if they can just keep you all theirs until you are better. They are afraid when you leave...you may never return, Leonyo.
There was a young man your age in my rehab group. He used, was the eldest of two and was having trouble with his parents even though he quit. He was in tears one night because he really loved his Mom but she hounded him and wasn't helping his cause. The advice was to try to sit and talk to her. Try to understand where she's coming from and explain to her how you feel. Put a timer on, so you don't interupt each other and can't overtalk each and start a fight. Just talk. See if you can open the lines of communication with them and tell them how you feel.
Hopefully, your recovery will get on the right track...its not easy I know.
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Old 04-05-2011, 12:17 PM
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I appreciate the responses to all of you. As for the timer method, I've tried that. Me and my dad just simply dont get along and I've been saying that since I was 13. I remember telling my mother I hated him when I was 14 and when I move out I wont talk to him. I still feel that way. There are some things I'm leaving out of course about my father. The fact he's an alchoholic and doesnt admit it and he's completely obnoxious when hes drunk, every night. When I was suicidal before he told me to "rot in hell M**** f******" and "i'll grab the bullets for you" and he pinned me up against a wall. He tells everyone he loves me so much but how can you do that when someone is so depressed they want to end it all? Idk, its just another day of sitting on this computer and arguing with my parents. I've been so snappy and irritable lately. The night time is my favourite time of the day, always has been, I stay up until like 4 in the morning. I feel like theres no stress at that time.
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Old 04-05-2011, 12:27 PM
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Old 04-05-2011, 01:15 PM
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Welcome leonyo

I really encourage you to look into some kind of programme, whether it be NA or SMART or something else. I'm not sure why your Dr would try and put you off that.

You'll find many different meetings in any city

As far as your home life goes, have you any plans to move out?

D
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