Saying Hello.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 8
Saying Hello.
Hello All,
I am new here, and new to this process. I come from a lifetime of alcoholics, but am not one myself. I have however, fell in love with, and have been dating an alcoholic for 11 months now. What a rollercoaster ride.
I am here to learn all I can, so that maybe I can relay some of it to my loved one(s). My sig. has been on librium for 12 days now, and is doing well.(I think).
My concern and fear is that the librium runs out today, he doesnt want to try any of the things listed on these boards such as: valerian, kudzu root, Alcoholics Anonymous, or mental help.
What are the chances of success with out the AA, or therapy esp?
He still only eats once a day, drinks coffee and mountain dew like crazy, refuses to touch gatorade, water, or any other liquid, and will not take a multi vitamin.
I, being a healer of sorts, caretaker, and yes, enabler, want to do anything I can to help him be successful, and he turns it all down.
The 3 positives here are that he:
1- hasnt drank in 12 days
2- has been working like crazy to keep himself busy
and his mind off beer.
3- seems happier overall, but has anxiety still.
I'll read what I can here, but any suggestions, or just thoughts and opinions would be appreciated. I know that I have much to learn myself...... sigh.
Thank you for any responses
cindy
I am new here, and new to this process. I come from a lifetime of alcoholics, but am not one myself. I have however, fell in love with, and have been dating an alcoholic for 11 months now. What a rollercoaster ride.
I am here to learn all I can, so that maybe I can relay some of it to my loved one(s). My sig. has been on librium for 12 days now, and is doing well.(I think).
My concern and fear is that the librium runs out today, he doesnt want to try any of the things listed on these boards such as: valerian, kudzu root, Alcoholics Anonymous, or mental help.
What are the chances of success with out the AA, or therapy esp?
He still only eats once a day, drinks coffee and mountain dew like crazy, refuses to touch gatorade, water, or any other liquid, and will not take a multi vitamin.
I, being a healer of sorts, caretaker, and yes, enabler, want to do anything I can to help him be successful, and he turns it all down.
The 3 positives here are that he:
1- hasnt drank in 12 days
2- has been working like crazy to keep himself busy
and his mind off beer.
3- seems happier overall, but has anxiety still.
I'll read what I can here, but any suggestions, or just thoughts and opinions would be appreciated. I know that I have much to learn myself...... sigh.
Thank you for any responses
cindy
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Hi Cindi
Welcome to SR
I think the most important thing I had to learn as an alcoholic was that I couldn't do anything until I accepted I had a problem and I was committed to doing everything I could to sort that problem out.
The task was mine to do. I spent years leaning on people expecting - sometimes without me consciously realising - them to bail me out. I wore out more than one person that way, I'm afraid.
IMO...the most important thing you have to do is work out what your job is in all this...and what healthy boundaries are for you
I hope you'll visit our family and friends section too - the link's in artsoul's post - you'll find even more help and support down there
D
Welcome to SR
I think the most important thing I had to learn as an alcoholic was that I couldn't do anything until I accepted I had a problem and I was committed to doing everything I could to sort that problem out.
The task was mine to do. I spent years leaning on people expecting - sometimes without me consciously realising - them to bail me out. I wore out more than one person that way, I'm afraid.
IMO...the most important thing you have to do is work out what your job is in all this...and what healthy boundaries are for you
I hope you'll visit our family and friends section too - the link's in artsoul's post - you'll find even more help and support down there
D
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome to SR! I'm sorry for what brings you here, but glad you're reaching out for support. It's hard to see someone we love having problems - we want to do everything we can to be helpful. Unfortunately there are only a few things you can do: tell him you love him and you're proud that he's getting sober...... and educate yourself about the disease. Oh, and take care of you....
There's a section where you can get help from others who have loved ones who are alcoholics:Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
The truth is that you really don't have much power when it comes to his recovery. He has to want to stay sober more than he wants to drink. Most of us need support to be successful long term, but there's not much you can do make him see that. I hope you keep posting and reading - there's a lot of information and support on this forum....
There's a section where you can get help from others who have loved ones who are alcoholics:Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
The truth is that you really don't have much power when it comes to his recovery. He has to want to stay sober more than he wants to drink. Most of us need support to be successful long term, but there's not much you can do make him see that. I hope you keep posting and reading - there's a lot of information and support on this forum....
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I was married to two alcoholics before my own drinking spiraled out of control. One got well, the other one didn't. It didn't make much difference what I did for/to either one--as mentioned above, it's up to the alcoholic to get well.
Your job is to take care of yourself. I, too, suggest you check out the F&F forums mentioned above. Also, if you haven't already tried it, I suggest you get yourself to some Al-Anon meetings. They will help you clear up your own head so you can make good, healthy choices for yourself.
Your job is to take care of yourself. I, too, suggest you check out the F&F forums mentioned above. Also, if you haven't already tried it, I suggest you get yourself to some Al-Anon meetings. They will help you clear up your own head so you can make good, healthy choices for yourself.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 8
Thank you for the kind replies... after 20 days sober he just had to get beer. He is trying to keep it under a certain number, but I know in my heart that will only last so long.
I am back to check out the friends and family section, and to decide if this is something I can deal with long term, and how to take of myself.
thanks all for the input,
I appreciate it!
I am back to check out the friends and family section, and to decide if this is something I can deal with long term, and how to take of myself.
thanks all for the input,
I appreciate it!
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