JohneLennon

I am 17, so I am pretty young.... but I was just caught at school with a pipe and cigarettes (this was last thursday). I had tried to stop about 2 weeks ago, and I have. But, I left those things in my backpack, I'm so.. sooo idiotic. But anyways, many of my friends were going to the school office. It was then my turn. They pulled it out of my backpack, and I sat in there for 2 hours being questioned, and they called my dad in to take me home. I felt like I was 5. It was really awkward, It was easier with my dad because, he is a smoker (cigarettes and marijuana) and he told me he was disappointed in me and lost faith, it felt terrible. My mom and I had a pretty good bond before this all happened. She always helped me with anything. There was nothing that she was mad at me for, and we had perfect communication. My life was perfect then smoking that I had stopped 2 weeks before screwed it all up. She hasn't said more than 8 words to me since thursday, and counting. I really need help, I know she doesn't trust me, but I don't know what to say to her. Should I just wait until everything is forgotten? I have decided I am never going to smoke for the rest of my life, and that's final, but I just wish that I could talk to my mom like the way I did before. Please, help?

Michael.

Dee74

hi again Michael

I think what I'm going to say applies to you too cos you're not really a kid any more.
I disappointed a lot of people too.

I just had to give them time and space to work out how they felt about me.

Let it be, you know?

It's tough to not focus on the fact you disappointed people, but you have to really.

I put my head down and I worked hard on my recovery, and I got well - for me, not for them.

But in the getting well, it became obvious I was changing - and gradually a lot of the people that I'd disappointed came to trust me again and forgive me.

I hope it will happen that way for you too Michael

Focus on the kind of man you want to be, not who you were - and others will see that too, I'm sure

D

JohneLennon

Thanks, that really did help. Looks like we had the same case haha. Thats what I've been doing lately, so I really I'm going to try to work hard on recovery for myself . I think with time I hope my mom will start communicating with me again.

Thanks

SoberRightNow

I really agree that you need to put this stuff aside and focus on getting better for yourself. Getting well because other people want you to or because you have hurt them simply doesn't work in my experience. The addiction slyly convinces you over time that that is the only reason you are trying to get well, then one moment of anger or resentment and its BOOM back to square one.

Your mum and dad understand that you are human and can make mistakes. There is a good chance their current treatment of you is a way to try to shock you into changing. But you can't do it for them. It has to be for you.

Best of luck. I smoked pot for about ten years before I replaced it with drink so I understand the psychological addiction - it's far more powerful than the "soft drug" advocates would claim.

When I stopped pot, I had to break off a lot of contact with friends and just keep myself away from situations where it was available. I guess that is harder if you are at school and friends their are still smoking.

Just please don't make the mistake I did and replace it with alcohol. It's far worse, believe me.

Hevyn

Hi Michael! Dee & SoberRightNow said great stuff. I would just add one suggestion. Maybe you could write your mom a letter, explaining how you feel. You could start it out by saying what you said to us - that you always felt you could talk to her about anything, and you don't want this to ruin a great relationship. (That should soften her up a bit.)

My mom had a habit of giving me the silent treatment when things went wrong & I remember how awful that felt. She usually came around, though. I know this will be ok for you. I'm glad you're putting a stop to the smoking - be proud of yourself for taking charge of your life.

ste

I have never been a parent, just a stepdad, but I think your parents have their own problems, and might be ashamed of the example they present.

I wish I was 17 again, and really could learn from other peoples mistakes. REALLY!

You are very wise for your age IMHO, you will make the right choices, I believe you have already started

MsCooterBrown

Wow you sound like a kid after my own heart! I know you are loved. I bet this whole incident did make you parents rethink the examples they set. What is said in the above posts are so true. Actions speak louder than words. And with the bond you have with your mom...I bet it is killing her to be silent. Start off whatever you say to her with a big hug. And toss out all your paraphenalia..you don't need it any more and it got you into quite a dilemma! Keep us posted...I wish you well!

JohneLennon

Hey everyone, thanks for all of the advice, it really did make me feel better. It did help to here your guys' view as parents (or step-parents ) I am taking all of your advice and I hope that everything will be ok again, I'll keep you posted.

thanks!,
Micahel