Finally feel like drinking
 

Well the day has come. A few weeks into being sober and I finally get the urge to drink. Nothing terrible happened, I'm not down or anything. My friend has been away for a year and asked if I wanted to go out.. I said no, of course. But I can't help feeling like I'm missing out. I also really miss the feeling of being drunk.

Are you doing anything to recover?

It happens, this weekend is the first real bad cravings I’ve had.

I had dreams the last 2 nights about drinking and in my latest dream me and some friends were all going out to drink a few, I remember in the dream I was hiding a six pack of tall boys for later to make sure I had enough after the "party" was over, wow , even in my dreams I am being sneaky.

After those dreams I did have cravings though.

What I try to do is think it through, it really helps, I suppose i would feel ok after the first few drinks, then it would be a slow ride back to hell night after night, never ending.

Keep that momentum, your not alone.

I'm seeing a psychologist, yes, and I checked out a recovery center but I haven't been to AA. I'm still debating, I'm not religious or spiritual in any way, which has it's role in the 12 steps, right?

For certain. But, as one newly sober you might find benefit in the community aspect of AA. There IS strength in numbers. If you stick around and find spirituality, cool. If not and you achieve the same end by another means, that's cool too!

Those feelings return to us all I think Jil. Thats where support comes in.

No-one does this alone IMO.

My advice is really think about what you're using for support - if you think you need more, then explore everything...if it's not for you, you can walk out and never go back...

but look at everything :)

D

Just a thought...can you meet your friend for coffee or something else? That way you wont feel so deprived:)

I guess it couldn't hurt to try out, I just hope no one pressures you to think a certain way.. But I'm going to see my friend tomorrow, not at the bar, so it will be nice. It was just the thought of her going out that made me remember what alcohol feels like, and have a desire for it.

No one should pressure you into anything. If they do, tell them they are violating AA traditions.

It is a spiritual program, not religious. There's no worship involved.

Different AA groups can vary somewhat in their tone and personality, but I can promise you there's no need to worry about being pressured to think a certain way. Newcomers to AA are almost always surprised to find that the people are very friendly, welcoming, and eager to help you - not try to convert you to some specific variety of religion or spirituality.

And it's perfectly natural for you to experience those feelings of remembering how alcohol makes you feel...they will subside over time, so in the meantime please be easy on yourself and don't feel guilty about them. Be proud of the fact that you're getting sober - and have a great time with your friend!

:c011:

Stephanie

Welcome! Im glad you are seeing a psychologist. I never went to a recovery center. I do however attend AA meetings. I fought it. i didnt want to go. I thought "imagine me in a room with a bunch of bible beating burn outs" Damn was I wrong. Im in a room full of successful people...doctors, lawyers, nurses, professor, a preacher, an engineer, moms, dads, veterans.... The cool thing is...nothing shocks them. Everyone (including you) in that room has been there! Try a meeting. Its one hour of your life. i thought of the countless hours I spent drinking. I knew for myself and my sanity i could afford one hour.

Yeah, those feelings will come along, but you will learn how to deal with them.

I'm glad you're seeing your friend tomorrow.

That's exactly what I feel. I know it's wrong to pass judgement, but I just hear so much about it. But you're right, one hour of my time is nothing compared to so many I've lost drinking.

For those of you with long-term sobriety, do you still have those urges to drink, still remember what it feels like and miss it? I know there are ways to cope with it, but it will be so hard if those feelings never fully leave.

Not me.

I don't miss drinking, don't miss being drunk. I sometimes missed being able to mentally "check out" when uncomfortable feelings of anger or fear hit me, but I've learned I can cope with them without needing to check out. I cope with whatever is causing the anger and fear effectively (not possible when drinking), accept the feelings as being a temporary emotion.

I don't feel I'm missing out on any "fun" by not drinking, either. My concept of "fun" has changed.

Two and a half years sober (not long by some standards but long enough to have some perspective).

Jil, What you are feeling is perfectly normal especially in early sobriety. It seems most us alcoholics remember the aspects of drinking that we derived pleasure out of and forget the horrors that ensued after consumption. It gets easier with time, I found I had to find other outlets that gave me pleasure. Running seemed to be something that suited me. You should pursue something with the same passion you did the drink. Some people use aa..It is a religious program for sure. A bit off from mainstream religion but religious non the less. The key to sobriety for me is always wanting to be sober more than I want to drink. Stay strong.

AA promises recovery from the urge to drink. Contrary to popular opinion, meetings were not designed as a place to go to extinguish drinking urges, but a place to go for fellowship with people pursuing a common spiritual solution to their common problem.

I do not feel the urge to drink anymore-- it simply doesn't happen. This is not because I've developed coping mechanisms-- those never worked for me long term. It's because I've connected with some sort of relief through the working of the steps...I don't call it God. I simply believe that the work I did allowed whatever spirit that is present in me and wants what is best for me to gain control of my behavior and thinking.

That's a far cry from bible-thumping.

I wouldn't say i have long term sobriety, i am just a couple days shy of 10 months. But, no, i do not have urges to drink, and do not miss it. I still remember what it feels like to drink and be drunk, and i can say that is not something I would like to relive.

Just shy of eleven months here, and zero urges to drink. The thought makes me ill.

Sure I remember vividly how alcohol tastes,
smells and makes me feel even after 20 yrs.
sober. If I didnt crave it, want it, desire it, then
I definitely wouldnt be an alcoholic.

Am I sad or angry that I am one? Not at all. At
first I was in early recovery, but the tools and
knowledge of what alcoholism is all about and
how it affected me makes being one not so bad.

I mean, sure I have this uncureable disease but
It is manageable. In fact very simple if I continue
to incorperate the steps and principles in my every
day life. I also share my experiences, strengths
and hope with others that still suffer which in turn
keep me sober another day.

Religious program u say. Not religious just spiritual.
Say if ur physical, you walk, exercise, jog, move
about. Emotional would be feeling u have within.
Verbal would be talking. Then there's Spiritual which
is like sitting in the park alone listening to the birds,
admiring the beauty that surrounds you. The sun, it's
warmth, laughter of children near by. And so on. It's
being grateful to not be drunk or being mean or cruel
to others. It's the feeling u have inside when u r living
life right and just know that warm feeling inside is good.

Everyone has a certain spiritual side to them and you
have it too but may not be aware of it. :)

Continue to follow ur sober journey allowing all the
old timers to guide you along the way. As time goes on
and u remain sober, there will be many newcomers
to follow in ur path....share ur own ESH with them
letting them know what it was like before during and
after ur drinking. You will find lots of peace and graditude
with inside ur heart. :)

Good luck..!

I wasn't either........and still a bit stunned to find out how much better my life is living it spiritually.

NEVER