XxGoldenxX

im not sure if i like it...my brains probably switching gears so fast it can't keep up. 20% of the time im feeling like this is the best thing for me, listening to skynards simple man, neil young, dylan..all the greats that sang about whats most important in this life. then the other 80% im crying over how intense these exact same songs are and the painful truths of life. WTF.

Ha this is one of the 20%. i can't heal if im high all the time. for example....if im high all the time i don't feel the bulging discs up my spin causing pain so i don't fix it. so today i went into my first dr. appointment completely sober and feeling it all. then theres all the emotional issues i avoided for 7 years.

at this moment honestly the hardest part is trying to get class work done after using as a way to get myself motivated. and thinking how the **** im going to get up for an 8am when drugs woke me up every morning.


yea starting to sound like a blog entry...anyway just wanted to express today to people that understand. the bf is great but doesn't get it fully and everyone here has been amazing. Thanks so much!

FallenAngelPDX

The hardest thing with recovery is sticking with it... I think about things I would do when I was high... and thinking about doing them sober just seems boring sometimes. The thing is that (and I'm really hoping this is true since I'm newly recovering) I think that once you get over the initial hurdle of actually committing to recovery, you start to find other things that fill the void where drugs used to be. Maybe you should do something special for yourself every morning for a few days in a row... maybe get the coffee pot set up the night before so you have coffee almost ready when you wake up. Or if you have a favorite breakfast food you should treat yourself. Don't give up, and I'm going to be thinking of you.

artsoul

It really does take time...... just putting one foot in front of the other.... you'll get there. I think Fallen is right: life begins to fill the void, our thinking becomes clearer, our energy comes back...... it's a process.

Glad you saw the doctor today, by the way! (my back hurts all the time too, so I know how it can be). Keep going - it's good to have some emotion come up, actually, as it's a part of the healing process.

Hang in there!:ghug3

reggiewayne

artsoul is right on the money. You will start seeing things so much clearer as time goes on. Your emotions will level out. I remember when I was really early on I would start crying out of nowhere. I hadn't cried in 10 years prior to becoming sober. There were also other times when I could feel my soul being awake for the first time in forever.

Seeing the trees, hearing the birds, seeing my little boy smile, noticing the good in this world, etc... When we get rid of our filters (booze and drugs) we start feeling emotions again. The bad news is that we start feeling some negative feelings, but the good news is we start seeing a lot more positive things too.

Just hang in there. Don't quit just before the miracle happens!

We can get better, just a little at a time!!!

XxGoldenxX

thanks everyone for the responses! its encouraging to hear from people who have been through this that it gets better...and that im the whole crying thing is not just me being a wimp :p im exhausted today but im going to keep it rolling.