Vesna

For those who have relapsed (including me), I'm interested to know what triggered you, if you're able to identify specific things. For me...it was the flawed belief that I could "moderate," which I know affects many people. So, it was buying the wine in the first place, then deciding to have "just a glass" while I watched TV, then several glasses, then getting dressed and going out to the bar...so many decision points along the way, but the big one was buying the wine in the first place.

I'm interested to know what triggers other people.

LaFemme

I have not relapsed but I kn ow that everything and nothing was a trigger for me so I had to totally change my thought patterns

artsoul

The two times I relapsed I thought I could moderate, too..... I had been sober for a while and felt as though I had gotten a handle on my life. I made some new friends who turned out to be heavy drinkers and I wanted to join in the social scene after coming out of a divorce.

As far as urges, I find that strong emotions, boredom, stress, hunger, and lack of sleep will wake up the sleeping alcoholic voice again. They were really strong in the first few months of sobriety, but now that my sanity has returned I can address them specifically. Whenever that voice starts talking, I just think "Hm..... I wonder what's making me uncomfortable, and... what can I do about it?"

Dee74

I wasn't ready to admit I couldn't control my drinking...that was the basis of all my returns to drinking, really.

Since accepting I am what I am, I've faced many things...and many ups and downs....but I've been sober throughout.

D

doggonecarl

I relapsed once, in the first weeks of my decision to get sober. I don't recall any trigger at that point. Just an unrelenting obsession to drink that I surrendered to. Since that relapse, and further along in my recovery when the mental obsessions were gone, I started to recognize the "triggers" that made we want to drink. They were any kind of emotional discomfort, or when the shame of my past actions would wear on me, more heavy than usual, I would think of escaping to alcohol.

MsCooterBrown

I think the "I have gone this long..I am IN CONTROL NOW!" gets alot of people..it did me. Mine was a a birthday party. I only had a drink....or 15..BUT after I pulled that stunt I got back to my original reasons of why I can no longer drink..just isn't an option because 1 drink and then I am in a blackout. I proved my point. I have no drinking option of any kind left. And I am so much more happy being present for all my feelings..actions..and most of my reactions.

EmeraldRose

In the past 30 years I merely stopped drinking...sometimes a week, month or even a year or two. But I always went back. Why? Who knows. Because I could. I wasn't ready to cut alcohol out of my life completely. How could I live without it?
Now that I've completely quit since Jan. 28th I haven't gone back yet. I know I will struggle with certain ideas, thoughts or feelings but I hope now I have enough information to be able to handle them in a productive manner.

FrothyJay

sunlight and darkness were triggers for me.

JohnBarleycorn

Sad but true...

stacylove

1. Stress
2. Giving into cravings
3. Feeling like I'm all alone
4. Saying eff it and giving up
5. Bad things that happen in my life
6. Depression
7. Life

Godbymyside

Most of the time things that trigger me are smells, being in Kansas city (i moved to avoid relapse),certain foods and songs. When I went to rehab they had me write out a list of things that could possibly trigger me, and the funny thing is I focused on people and "having drugs in front of me" when really i have had the most trouble with simple day to day things.

kimbie318

For me it was boredom, lonliness, stress or emotional distress.

Sometimes it was as simple as my favourite tv show is on I must have a vodka to enjoy it.

yeahgr8

I didn't get sober on my first attempt...i tried to give up drinking many times over 20 years, usually months at a time...

What bought me back to drinking each time? It's really simple and that is whether i lasteed 1 month or 12 months the fact was that i hadn't changed the person inside that had relied so heavily on alcohol before and i thought that by changing externals that was enough...thats the "trigger" for a relapse if you are an alcoholic...

Of course we can rationalise this as a relapse and assign blame to many things and name them but the fact remains that all the blaming a trigger is BS and it is really that at some point we will have literally no defense against that first drink unless we do enough work to change and let's face it...who wants to take a real good look at themselves? Better to join a gym, read a few books and take up a new hobby;-)

jch116

For me, it was also the thought that I could control the amount I drank, but also that I could put myself around people, places, and things that I associated strongly with drinking, especially very early on. (After 1 year and I week, I recently relapsed so I am trying to learn more about this too.) This last time I was with people I knew I should not be with, then had the idea, I can stop at 2...you know the rest. If I can think through the first drink to the typical consequences, that lessens the craving for me. I know deep down that I will not stop until there is nothing left to drink or I am too sick to drink anymore, chances are I won't remember what I did and I will have upset and/or hurt at least one person, and I will feel guilty and like hell for at least a few days. Definitely not worth it....

BurningChrome

For me, it's boredom... Unplanned time is an accident waiting to happen for a user. My wife would go to her job on a weekend, the grass was cut, jobs were done, nothing much to do but watch some TV or read a book, or..... crack open a bottle and numb myself. Boredom was the biggie for me. Of course there was always the morning, the evening, any day ending in a "y".... I'd take any excuse I had and there was always an excuse :-(
...Mike

keithj

I always had excuses which some amount of sense some part of the time. Utter insanity considering where picking up a drink always took me. But at the time, it 'seemed' like I was picking up a drink out of boredom, frustration, anxiousness, deserved it, felt lonely, needed to have fun... The list is endless.

What was really happening with me, though, was that I was powerless over that first drink. I had no defense against it. I'd just pick up for whatever reason was available, or no reason at all. I always had a fill in the blank reason, but it was all just the fact that despite my decision to not drink, I'd pick it up any way.

The 12 Steps showed me that my external conditions had little bearing on whether or not I'd drink. That was the truth for me. As long as I relied on improving my external conditions as a way of not drinking, I was doomed to pick it up again.

The 12 Steps forced an internal change in me. With that, all the external stuff came along for the ride. Lasting sobriety came along for the ride as well.

LoftyIdeals

Although I agree with yeahgr8 that change has to be internalized, and external triggers are innumerous if internal change hasn't happened, I still think its important to recognize triggers throughout sobriety, but especially at the onset of sobriety. My triggers are as follows:
Anger: when my interactions or responses to others surpasses a certain threshold, I want to drink to settle down. No doubt, I lowered that threshold over the years to more quickly trigger the drink, rather than process my anger.
Loneliness:I think that most alcholics I know, and this is affirmed when reading these posts, are very deep thinkers. Most folks as deep are often loners, or at least alone in their deep thoughts. I'm not saying that is wrong; in fact, I think it is both a gift and a curse.
Being misunderstoon: along with above, I drink when I feel that no one gets me. This sometimes borders on self-pity.
Giving up/giving in: sometimes I think there's no use; I may as well just eat, drink and be merry. "Why consternate about life and the world? Lighten up! Look at the bright side!" That's what I sometimes tell myself. It's more of a "give up the fight" than a "Let go and let God" moment. In those moments, I want to just be like normal people, and forget that God, for whatever reason, made me different. This usually is followed by a slip and a fall.
Religion: I love my Lord, but I don't always love religion. The guilt, the pomposity (sometimes), the mystery, the politics. Can't explain this one further right now.

Thanks for the thread. This was the hardest simple question I've considered in a week!

Bingen

Vesna,

You might want to try this tool called ABC Problem solving worksheet. Try with just one of the event which activated the relapse. One needs to be honest and challenge and dispute the belief. For example," I need to relax after a tough day and I need a drink " That is what we say but what we actually are saying ( our false belief ) " Only Alcohol can relax me " and our addictive voice is very very smart to conceal the facts that same alcohol will create havocs,hang overs,black outs and pain.


Activating event - What is the Activating event?—What happened? What did I do? What did others do? What idea occurred to me? What emotions was I feeling?




Consequence - Am I feeling anger, depression, anxiety, frustrated, self-pity, etc.? Am I behaving in a way that doesn’t work for me? (drinking, attacking, moping, etc.)




Beliefs - Beliefs (dysfunctional)—What do I believe about the Activating event? Which of my beliefs are my helpful/self-enhancing beliefs and which are my dysfunctional/self-defeating beliefs?




Dispute - Dispute the Beliefs to find which are dysfunctional—What is the evidence that my belief is true? In what ways is my belief helpful or unhelpful? What helpful/self-enhancing belief can I use to replace each self-defeating or dysfunctional belief?




Effective New Belief and Emotional Consequence - What helpful/self-enhancing new belief can I use to replace each self-defeating or dysfunctional belief? What are my new feelings?

Vesna

Thanks to all; this is really helpful to me. Bingen, thanks so much for posting the ABC worksheet. I'm just starting to get involved in SMART and finding it to be a big help. I've done my "Cost-Benefit Analysis" and have just started working on an exercise similar to ABC. When I did that, it really surprised me how obvious it was...not that it will be "easy" to resist in the future, but there is a definite pattern there and a series of decision points...all of which requiring me to make the wrong choice in order to end up where I ended up on the last relapse. I know that this is all making me stronger, and that gives me hope that next time I will have additional tools to help me resist inevitable temptation.

SSIL75

This was true for me, too. I really felt in my heart that there was no situation that couldn't be improved by drinking. Mimosas for breakfast! Hot toddy's for a cold! Pinot Grigio with lunch! I had to learn that all those thoughts are alcoholic thoughts and dismiss them accordingly. Since I started doing that I haven't had any really overwhelming urges. My old 'triggers' are everywhere.

Whenever I step on a subway platform or a tall building I have the urge to jump. It's not a real urge. Just like a 'what if' thing. I hear it's common. Now, my alcoholic thoughts are like that. Just impulsive 'what if' thoughts with no power.

AVRT (rational recovery) has been an awesome tool for me and helped with all this.

Best of luck to you!