Attack of the Codependent!!!
Guest
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 115
I'd run... and run very fast and very far.
Someone that is pushing you to drink = bad.
Also, if you know she has feelings for you that are more than a friend, she will hang around an hope you'll give into a romantic relationship. In a way, don't you think you're stringing her along allowing her to be around you in the first place? Sleeping in your bed with you? (touching or not)...
I'd cut it off, she does seem controlling and will always want more from this relationship. Her previous relationships also throw up some big red flags for me. Seems she is drawn to people that have many issues to work out.
JMO, of course.
Oh oops, just caught up to the post where you cut her off, sorry for jumping the gun! Great you cut her loose!
Someone that is pushing you to drink = bad.
Also, if you know she has feelings for you that are more than a friend, she will hang around an hope you'll give into a romantic relationship. In a way, don't you think you're stringing her along allowing her to be around you in the first place? Sleeping in your bed with you? (touching or not)...
I'd cut it off, she does seem controlling and will always want more from this relationship. Her previous relationships also throw up some big red flags for me. Seems she is drawn to people that have many issues to work out.
JMO, of course.
Oh oops, just caught up to the post where you cut her off, sorry for jumping the gun! Great you cut her loose!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Island of Misfit Toys
Posts: 102
You guys should get some kind of certification for being excellent counsel. I've been taking more time to evaluate things like this, its a learning experience. Yes she does have some kind of obsession with helping people and I've witnessed first hand how she falls apart when she has no one to take care of.
About two months ago her upstairs neighbor moved out, the girl was one of her childhood friends and my friend that we're talking about here was letting her, her bf and son live upstairs for free. My friend's mother owns the two flat. Little bit of carte blanche with letting a friend rent it for free. Yes...boundary problems with mom and dad too I sense. Basically she was super-helping again and when it was over, it was like she became depressed, spoke negatively about almost everything including bad mouthing her needy friend that moved out. She also made offensive comments about women on tv being hot, objectifying them, stuff that she knows I don't like, as if she was starved for drama and trying to draw some conflict out of me.
Long story short, I got sucked back in for a couple of months and now I'm out for good! She makes me feel bad and confused. I feel objectified around her and the constant giving freaks me out. She's giving, but can't see that she's the needy one. I'd like her to take care of herself because I have lost all respect for her and that is upsetting for me. I wish she was different and that some way we could have the good times without the messed up dynamic between us!
She also acts like she's a man, which isn't the case. I'm out, but just to vent, I can't stand her trying to be macho! I also can't stand the whole big fish in a small pond bs. I mean her uncle bought her a car and she lives in mommy's building, but she is the expert on how people should live and dares to throw around words like "accountability", as if she's independently responsible for any aspect of her life.
Whew! I feel better. Got that out and it was better than screaming into a pillow!
About two months ago her upstairs neighbor moved out, the girl was one of her childhood friends and my friend that we're talking about here was letting her, her bf and son live upstairs for free. My friend's mother owns the two flat. Little bit of carte blanche with letting a friend rent it for free. Yes...boundary problems with mom and dad too I sense. Basically she was super-helping again and when it was over, it was like she became depressed, spoke negatively about almost everything including bad mouthing her needy friend that moved out. She also made offensive comments about women on tv being hot, objectifying them, stuff that she knows I don't like, as if she was starved for drama and trying to draw some conflict out of me.
Long story short, I got sucked back in for a couple of months and now I'm out for good! She makes me feel bad and confused. I feel objectified around her and the constant giving freaks me out. She's giving, but can't see that she's the needy one. I'd like her to take care of herself because I have lost all respect for her and that is upsetting for me. I wish she was different and that some way we could have the good times without the messed up dynamic between us!
She also acts like she's a man, which isn't the case. I'm out, but just to vent, I can't stand her trying to be macho! I also can't stand the whole big fish in a small pond bs. I mean her uncle bought her a car and she lives in mommy's building, but she is the expert on how people should live and dares to throw around words like "accountability", as if she's independently responsible for any aspect of her life.
Whew! I feel better. Got that out and it was better than screaming into a pillow!
One Day At A Time
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Scotland
Posts: 35
Originally Posted by MsCooterBrown 
But it is that cut and dried. I cut and dried the heck out of anyone that was a threat to my sobriety. Over and out...done.
One Day At A Time
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Scotland
Posts: 35
Originally Posted by Presstoe
You guys should get some kind of certification for being excellent counsel. I've been taking more time to evaluate things like this, its a learning experience. Yes she does have some kind of obsession with helping people and I've witnessed first hand how she falls apart when she has no one to take care of.
About two months ago her upstairs neighbor moved out, the girl was one of her childhood friends and my friend that we're talking about here was letting her, her bf and son live upstairs for free. My friend's mother owns the two flat. Little bit of carte blanche with letting a friend rent it for free. Yes...boundary problems with mom and dad too I sense. Basically she was super-helping again and when it was over, it was like she became depressed, spoke negatively about almost everything including bad mouthing her needy friend that moved out. She also made offensive comments about women on tv being hot, objectifying them, stuff that she knows I don't like, as if she was starved for drama and trying to draw some conflict out of me.
Long story short, I got sucked back in for a couple of months and now I'm out for good! She makes me feel bad and confused. I feel objectified around her and the constant giving freaks me out. She's giving, but can't see that she's the needy one. I'd like her to take care of herself because I have lost all respect for her and that is upsetting for me. I wish she was different and that some way we could have the good times without the messed up dynamic between us!
She also acts like she's a man, which isn't the case. I'm out, but just to vent, I can't stand her trying to be macho! I also can't stand the whole big fish in a small pond bs. I mean her uncle bought her a car and she lives in mommy's building, but she is the expert on how people should live and dares to throw around words like "accountability", as if she's independently responsible for any aspect of her life.
Whew! I feel better. Got that out and it was better than screaming into a pillow!
About two months ago her upstairs neighbor moved out, the girl was one of her childhood friends and my friend that we're talking about here was letting her, her bf and son live upstairs for free. My friend's mother owns the two flat. Little bit of carte blanche with letting a friend rent it for free. Yes...boundary problems with mom and dad too I sense. Basically she was super-helping again and when it was over, it was like she became depressed, spoke negatively about almost everything including bad mouthing her needy friend that moved out. She also made offensive comments about women on tv being hot, objectifying them, stuff that she knows I don't like, as if she was starved for drama and trying to draw some conflict out of me.
Long story short, I got sucked back in for a couple of months and now I'm out for good! She makes me feel bad and confused. I feel objectified around her and the constant giving freaks me out. She's giving, but can't see that she's the needy one. I'd like her to take care of herself because I have lost all respect for her and that is upsetting for me. I wish she was different and that some way we could have the good times without the messed up dynamic between us!
She also acts like she's a man, which isn't the case. I'm out, but just to vent, I can't stand her trying to be macho! I also can't stand the whole big fish in a small pond bs. I mean her uncle bought her a car and she lives in mommy's building, but she is the expert on how people should live and dares to throw around words like "accountability", as if she's independently responsible for any aspect of her life.
Whew! I feel better. Got that out and it was better than screaming into a pillow!
Guest
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 115
Originally Posted by DryScotsman
That is one thing about being sober - I never bottle up my feelings now. That is why this forum is a great safety valve at times!
Guest
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 115
Originally Posted by Presstoe
You guys should get some kind of certification for being excellent counsel. I've been taking more time to evaluate things like this, its a learning experience. Yes she does have some kind of obsession with helping people and I've witnessed first hand how she falls apart when she has no one to take care of.
About two months ago her upstairs neighbor moved out, the girl was one of her childhood friends and my friend that we're talking about here was letting her, her bf and son live upstairs for free. My friend's mother owns the two flat. Little bit of carte blanche with letting a friend rent it for free. Yes...boundary problems with mom and dad too I sense. Basically she was super-helping again and when it was over, it was like she became depressed, spoke negatively about almost everything including bad mouthing her needy friend that moved out. She also made offensive comments about women on tv being hot, objectifying them, stuff that she knows I don't like, as if she was starved for drama and trying to draw some conflict out of me.
Long story short, I got sucked back in for a couple of months and now I'm out for good! She makes me feel bad and confused. I feel objectified around her and the constant giving freaks me out. She's giving, but can't see that she's the needy one. I'd like her to take care of herself because I have lost all respect for her and that is upsetting for me. I wish she was different and that some way we could have the good times without the messed up dynamic between us!
She also acts like she's a man, which isn't the case. I'm out, but just to vent, I can't stand her trying to be macho! I also can't stand the whole big fish in a small pond bs. I mean her uncle bought her a car and she lives in mommy's building, but she is the expert on how people should live and dares to throw around words like "accountability", as if she's independently responsible for any aspect of her life.
Whew! I feel better. Got that out and it was better than screaming into a pillow!
About two months ago her upstairs neighbor moved out, the girl was one of her childhood friends and my friend that we're talking about here was letting her, her bf and son live upstairs for free. My friend's mother owns the two flat. Little bit of carte blanche with letting a friend rent it for free. Yes...boundary problems with mom and dad too I sense. Basically she was super-helping again and when it was over, it was like she became depressed, spoke negatively about almost everything including bad mouthing her needy friend that moved out. She also made offensive comments about women on tv being hot, objectifying them, stuff that she knows I don't like, as if she was starved for drama and trying to draw some conflict out of me.
Long story short, I got sucked back in for a couple of months and now I'm out for good! She makes me feel bad and confused. I feel objectified around her and the constant giving freaks me out. She's giving, but can't see that she's the needy one. I'd like her to take care of herself because I have lost all respect for her and that is upsetting for me. I wish she was different and that some way we could have the good times without the messed up dynamic between us!
She also acts like she's a man, which isn't the case. I'm out, but just to vent, I can't stand her trying to be macho! I also can't stand the whole big fish in a small pond bs. I mean her uncle bought her a car and she lives in mommy's building, but she is the expert on how people should live and dares to throw around words like "accountability", as if she's independently responsible for any aspect of her life.
Whew! I feel better. Got that out and it was better than screaming into a pillow!
Glad you got to vent!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Island of Misfit Toys
Posts: 102
Originally Posted by DryScotsman
That is one thing about being sober - I never bottle up my feelings now. That is why this forum is a great safety valve at times!
Run to live... live to run
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Western Maryland
Posts: 1,091
Originally Posted by bokkie
Some people want a "victim" to "mother". She is enabling you in order to look after you, I have been there. If the voice in your head gives you doubts, listen to them. Some people are born enablers because they have this need to "take care of you".
Sorry about all the "'s I swear I don't do the two finger in the air quote things, that drives me nuts.
Bottom line, she sounds like she is hindering and not helping you at this point.
Sorry about all the "'s I swear I don't do the two finger in the air quote things, that drives me nuts.
Bottom line, she sounds like she is hindering and not helping you at this point.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Island of Misfit Toys
Posts: 102
How did I get sucked back in?
I fell of the roof of the 4 story apartment building I live in. Yes I was up there drinking, jumping from one roof to the next. Of course it was a bad idea. I have wild emotional ups and downs, been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and I'm here because I know I'm an alcoholic too. The therapist I have now also does addictions counseling, so I'm working on all of this.
She emailed me to wish me a Merry Christmas and I was having an issue at the time with a friend who was driving me to doctors appointments and physical therapy, he was smoking weed around me even in the car on the way to the doctor. I had just cut him loose, told him to stay away from me because he wasn't listening when I told him it scares me to be in the car with him when he's intoxicated. My logical reaction to her contacting me, was to get her to help me out while I was recovering. I had no one, my family doesn't live here, my dad wasn't even talking to me at the time. I have lots of problems, poor support system etc.
To answer everyone's next question, how am I today after falling off the building? I broke almost everything below the waist, completely dislocated my hip, fractured my pelvis, broke feet, ankles, legs. I have a plate and ten pins in my left ankle. I cracked my head open in the front and back, had a gash down the center of my face that was stitched so well, you can barely see it. These days with a lot of work I'm almost back to normal, can even ride a bike!
That's the full answer of how I let her back in. I was in a pretty desperate situation.
I fell of the roof of the 4 story apartment building I live in. Yes I was up there drinking, jumping from one roof to the next. Of course it was a bad idea. I have wild emotional ups and downs, been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and I'm here because I know I'm an alcoholic too. The therapist I have now also does addictions counseling, so I'm working on all of this.
She emailed me to wish me a Merry Christmas and I was having an issue at the time with a friend who was driving me to doctors appointments and physical therapy, he was smoking weed around me even in the car on the way to the doctor. I had just cut him loose, told him to stay away from me because he wasn't listening when I told him it scares me to be in the car with him when he's intoxicated. My logical reaction to her contacting me, was to get her to help me out while I was recovering. I had no one, my family doesn't live here, my dad wasn't even talking to me at the time. I have lots of problems, poor support system etc.
To answer everyone's next question, how am I today after falling off the building? I broke almost everything below the waist, completely dislocated my hip, fractured my pelvis, broke feet, ankles, legs. I have a plate and ten pins in my left ankle. I cracked my head open in the front and back, had a gash down the center of my face that was stitched so well, you can barely see it. These days with a lot of work I'm almost back to normal, can even ride a bike!
That's the full answer of how I let her back in. I was in a pretty desperate situation.
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