Help...having problems at my home group

Old 03-27-2011, 12:19 AM
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: maryborough,Qld. Australia
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Unhappy Help...having problems at my home group new to this site,but i need to talk to someone...really soon. My sponsor is home and i dont have anyone else to talk to about this at all.
Ok firstly i am in recovery and have been for 2+ years.
Im a decent enuf women, and been thru the hard yards, and who hasnt. Early in recovery i got a call from a women in AA and i asked her why she phoned me so early in the am and she denied it, and has HATED me since i asked her not to lie to me. Every time she comes to my home group i just accept her been there and carry on. Enter another girl one year ago, I sponsored her and she decided she didnt NEED me anymore because i was too rough...Ok...fine...and i shared some intimitt stuff with her, dont know how much she shared with anyone. Anyhow from then on, she hated me and other women in the room have been told to pretty much stay away from me. I have no chance of people making there own call and talking to me, and i feel none of the women like me. Well i am pretty much right.
Today at a meeting, some one was sharing, right from the heart and every week, its the same old thing, this women laughs while someone is sharing or talks loud and today of all days she did it when some one shared. I said "Cut it Out"...out loud to her. The speaker continued and I am sick and tierd of this women walking in and out for smokes and cups of coffee and its a non smoking meeting and it waffs in the room, but said nothing and put up with it time and time again and thinking i may as well not come.
Today was a sad day for someone whose Son just died. After the meeting i went to put my cup in the sink where this women was washing the cups and approached her again...I thought to myself how can i go about this as have asked her in a nice way to stop and she isnt listening so i said to her..Can i have a word with you and she said "I dont want to talk to you" and i said Ok then fine.. When your in a meeting please can you refrain from talking and laughing espec today, to which she said NO.. I said right "F***** pull up!!! and she gasped like she had never herd the word and said "Dont you swear at i said Pull Up..Pull Up..and shes like dont swear,dont swear... I said Im not swearing..Pull Up. And out of the corner of my eye i could see this women who hates me from the beginning when i confronted her for ringing me years back and she just jumped into the conversation/argument and told me to **** Off.. i said this has nothing to do with you at all..go away and she had a go at me and i repeated over and over its got nothing to do with you...nothing to do with you. But she made it her business to jump in on something that this other women could of handled herself. It felt like a quiet word turns into a complete gang up. No one said anything and there was a room full of people. I apologized to anyone who herd it and if i offended them, im sorry. No one was offended. So I left the meeting absoulutely furious and I still am angry as all hell(only human).
I am hated by all the girls...I know i am. I am an ok women...keep very much to myself, my best friend in recovery is a 76 yr old man whose wife just passed away and i have been there for him and he has been good and has 30+ yrs of sobriety. He gets on with most people. Earlier before the meeting started this girl i told to pull up asked my friend to drive her a long way to a meeting out of town, he said NO and she gave me a filthy he took me to a meeting last week out of town...So anyhow resentment plus.
So im resented and hated and i stuck up for someone who was sharing today and put off by the rudeness and because i have no problem in saying how it is and not to be rude, I copped it. They had each others back. And spat at me like venom.. I could see the hatred coming out in this second women who butted it, as i was thinking to myself at the time, here you are consoling a man who has lost his son,who died yet you took the time to easedrop on what was goin on in the corner and spit venonoumous words at myself when it had nothing to do with you.
I have no one to talk to about this. Im angry, and very upset and feel like not going again. Every time i go to this meeting i feel by most that they have to put up with me. After the meeting, i am always on my own. I go up to people to talk and get walked away from or they turn to others instead.
But now its really out of hand and i dont know what to think or do next..should i go to next weeks meeting. I really wanted to hit this women and if i was drinking i would of. Both of these women i would of hit, but i wont put myself in that position. Can you imagine the tension at next meeting. I hate it like that. I want to go to somewhere because i like it, not because i have to go and put up with someone that despises me and i know it. My home group and i feel like i am been run out. I cant get rid of this anger and i know anger and resentment is NO GOOD. But i also cant pretend everything is fine either. Please i need comments from anyone.. I have never had any problems with the men in the program, they never harrass me, sexually or anything(actually..only one did) i told him i was NOT interested.
Why do the women hate me so much..? i havent done anything wrong but tell them not to be so rude.
This is really disturbing me....
thank you in advance
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Old 03-27-2011, 12:27 AM
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Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
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Sorry to know of your difficulties ...
Why not find another home group?
Is that possible in your area?

sometimes a fresh start is indicated ..

Well done on your sober years....Welcome....
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Old 03-27-2011, 12:32 AM
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Hi thisfreebird
Welcome to SR.

I'm not in AA but I know Maryborough's a pretty decent sized town...maybe it's time to try another meeting/group?

Good to have you with us anyway
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Old 03-27-2011, 12:32 AM
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Hi thisfreebird

Welcome to SR.

Well done on 2+ years sobriety. :ghug3

It sounds to me that these women are not taking their recovery seriously, however that is not your issue. Neither is it your issue what they think of you.

If it were me, I would approach the leader of the group (is that what they are called?) and see if they are noticing the same thing. I would not sit anywhere near these women, nor would i engage in any further conversation with them.

Hold your head up high and be the better person in all of this. You do not need this aggravation in your life.

Remember, you cannot control what people think of you but you can control how you react to them. Water off a ducks back It would be a shame for you to leave a meeting that you obviously have support through.

Take care
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Old 03-27-2011, 12:32 AM
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I don't know TFB, maybe the women here will have more of an insight. Could it have anything to do with jealousy?
Seems if you can't accept it, maybe a different group would be better. That one sound pretty stagnant.
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Old 03-27-2011, 09:13 AM
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Welcome Thisfreebird to SR! It's a great place to vent. I agree with others about you finding a new group. Call your 76 year old friend and talk. With 30 years of sobriety he's probably seen everything at meetings and may be able to advise you.
You can only control your own behavior not others. The serenity prayer applies here I think: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference".
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Old 03-27-2011, 09:29 AM
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a lot of times when others do not like us, it is because either they want what we have or becuase they fear us because we are different. A wise saying is you should be close to your friends but closer to your enemies. They may admire you for being strong, independent and well on the way on recovery, obviously they are not they are the opposite and thats what creates fear in them. I realized people that get very emotional have to leave the room frequently, since they do not come across as weak and want to protect themselves from feelings. A lot of time they laugh, because it makes them feel better and able to handle the situation. If it gets to much they leave and smoke to find relief. Now if I would be in this situation, I would make an effort to sit actually next to the person or people that hate you and talk to them nicely. It may take effort and time, but you will see how hate is turned into admiration and love. Hate and love are strong emotions and usually very close.
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Old 03-27-2011, 09:43 AM
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First off...congratulations on the sobriety...second, I'd find a new group.
That certainly is not a healthy environment for anyone if the women are nit-picking and judging people on anothers' opinion.
To be quite honest, it sounds to me like immature misunderstandings and petty confrontation -both of which we can do without during any point of our recovery. Everyone is at a different point in recovery and it sounds like people are having an issue with dealing with their anger and feelings.
I don't know how big the group is and if you can avoid these women...or do some sharing of your own and tell everyone about your concerns. You are a group which means everyone needs to at least get along.
But no one says you HAVE to stay in that situation. I hope it gets better...
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Old 03-27-2011, 10:13 AM
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I would be guided by your sponsor on this matter, no-one can have enough grasp on the situation from a post to offer any credible advice that may not potentially be harmful...

Please let us know how you get on with this:-)
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Old 03-27-2011, 10:26 AM
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Right Where I am Suppose to be
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I think yeahgr8 is giving you some sound advice! Remember your traditions also , Principles before personality! Do whats right for you & your soberity.
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Old 03-27-2011, 10:35 AM
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I hope that you can find some peace with this situation.

And, please continue to post.
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Old 03-27-2011, 10:48 AM
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Originally Posted by thisfreebird View Post
Ok firstly i am in recovery and have been for 2+ years.
I read this statement, but I read nothing else about AA's program of recovery. I'd like to consider whether or not you are engaged in our common solution. I've found answers to the problems you describe within that solution.
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