I ran into a new complication, advice?
 

Welp it is rainy and cold here so my plans of going outside and enjoying the weather have changed. The internet was down for a bit so here I have sat for the past 4 hours organizing the junkyard of files on my computer, something I have been meaning to do for over a year. Haha, it is fun to go through all of my old traveling experiences and journals. It is eye opening to see pictures of my 18 year old self in Japan drinking at a bar in Tokyo. The look of a carefree youth enjoying life and in control of his drinking. Here I am trying to accept the fact that I can never be that kid again. That one will take a while to sink in. In all of the countries that I have been to, drinking is a way of bonding if not part of their culture. What will I do the next time I visit my brother in Russia? Haha wow I have a lot of thinking to do. Not traveling is simply not an option, and I am not worried about what the other party might say when I say no... I am worried about how hard it will be to say no. I do not know what it is like to be sober for 2 years, and I wouldn't want to risk having 1 drink. This is a long term problem, but I am just curious.

Any thoughts or similar experiences? Thanks

You do whats best for you Germanos.
I bonded with lost of people before I started drinking...I bond with lots of people now.

Don't rush too far ahead. Focus on the now - work on your sobriety and recovery....that's enough for anyone to be starting with :)

you may find that what seems a burning issue now isn't such a burning issue 3 months from now.

D

As Dee said, don't let yourself get too overwhelmed by thinking about the future.

Your perspective will change. Recovery is always evolving, always moving forward, always changing. Right now it seems like you can't imagine visiting your brother, but a few months from you, you will likely look at the situation with a different eye.

And, good for you for not letting the bad weather and change of outdoor plans, spoil your day or push you to drink.

Stop borrowing trouble! :)

Along the sober road you'll travel (no pun intended), you'll learn new and exciting ways to celebrate life, nurture friendships, and explore new adventures.

Thanks for the responses. You all are right, it is just hard to comprehend right now and it will all fit together. Glad I asked though, now I can stop worrying about it.

I agree with the others, too..... Early on, it's enough just to get through the next 24 hours. We all have the same fears - what will I do when _____ happens..... I couldn't imagine a life without drinking, but it's gotten to the point now that I can't imagine going back to it.

Since you travel a lot, why not learn more about the countries..... start a collection of things from your travel, or study the cuisine and make that the focus of your visits?

I'm discovering there are lots of fun and interesting things to do in sobriety, but it took time......Be patient with yourself....:ghug3

other cultures have a sober seen :c007:

AA is world wide

hah I know, I do plenty of traveling and seeing the culture. I was just thinking about the times that people invite me to a bar. I suppose by that time I can go and be able to say no and still have fun.

I used to go to meetings in Paris of all places. There are sober people EVERYWHERE. Just don't make a big deal about it. For the ones that are to insistent, that's how you know that your sobriety makes them embarrassed.

I've been worrying about a meeting that I might have to attend in Japan this summer. All of my business contacts there are heavy drinkers and I don't want to offend any higher-ups if I have to go out with them. Guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it though.

I heard a good one...if you have one foot on tomorrow and one foot on yesterday you're pissing on today.

Take it one day at a time.

Live for today.

One today is worth two tomorrows.

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.

If in Russia, just don't refuse Babuska's blinchkies. She might be truly offended!

I have heard that Russians find alcoholism a perfectly polite reason to refuse to drink with them and obviously have their own share of alcoholics. Probably best to be honest about why you won't drink to avoid causing offence.

Gemanos, there was a great thread a number of days ago on "what to say....." in social situations where alcohol is served. Check out it out the archives.

Thanks to everyone for there responses. I just want to clarify what I meant though:

I know that I can say no and people will understand, in fact I have no problem offending someone if that means me staying sober. I was just worried about whether or not I will say no. My question was, as many of you have concluded already, how do I make myself refuse. I found the answer as some of you advised, things change with time. A different perspective where alcohol does not revolve around everything becomes the norm eventually.

Thanks to everyone of you for the responses. I found the advice I was looking for. I am still interested in any stories of similar situations and am always open to any advice of any kind.

Ste - you made me laugh with that one... it is true too. The grandma's shuve food in your face.. You don't eat enough!! P.S. - Carl Sagan is the man

Soberrightnow - you are absolutely correct, Russian's are very respectable towards not drinking.... just stay away from the pubs you might run into trouble. Yes the alcoholism rate is very high in Russia. I see Ste resides in Russia, perhaps he knows more. I was only there for a few months.

I had a huge problem with saying no....somewhere along the line, the work I did on myself paid off...I started to think about myself and my well being.

I got healthy....I changed...I grew.

You will too Germanos.
D

I find that saying no is the hardest thing for me right now... even when I know that saying yes will result in something I really don't want happening. I guess it's true that time changes things... but how do you know how much time it takes? How do you know when you're ready?

Hi Fallen AngelPDX

Welcome :)

I found having a support group helps me a lot...there is always someone to bounce questions off.

I knew I was ready when I finally accepted drinking and drugging were no lobger viable options for me under any circumstances.

I worked hard on my life...I really liked the changes I'd made and I knew that drinking would risk the end of that life.

I just knew, I guess.
Sober had always felt wrong for a long time.
Now sober felt 'right'.

D

I enjoyed this excerpt from a book I picked up at the library today:

Background - the guy drank himself into a mental institution and these were the last words from his doctor before he got released:

[“Sooner or later,” he said, “you will find yourself on the point of taking a drink. It may be in your hand or on the way to your mouth . Stop for a moment and answer this question, ‘Just what do I expect to accomplish by taking this drink?’”

There was more dynamic force packed into that sentence than in all the millions of words of scare stuff that every alcoholic has had thrust upon him. I knew that if I could stamp this sentence on my memory so vividly that it would come up at the time I had the drink in my hand I could answer it in only one way—that alcohol had defeated me utterly not once but a thousand times and that the seductive promise of exhilaration and the sense of well-being which it offered me were not worth the days of sick agony, the fear of losing my job, hurting missy, and making a general mess of my life.]

-The Other Side of the Bottle - by Dwight Anderson

It is a very good read so far, great history and personal accounts of alcoholism. Recommend it :)

Thanks for this, I'm really interested in checking it out. :)