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BF trouble... Advice?

Old 03-23-2011, 10:15 PM
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Question BF trouble... Advice?

My boyfriend and I have both gotten sober together. But now all we do is argue. Its hard for me to even be in the same room as him most of the time. We barely talk anymore and when we do it always ends up with us pissed. Iv been with him for 1 and half years and lived with him over a year. Im not working right now so iv been going to work with him to paint. But lately I cant sleep during the night not going to bed until between 12-4AM so I end up sleeping till 12-2PM. Then he gets mad that I sleep in so late. I dont know what to do. How do I have patience and normal conversations with him? I cant help having an attitude with him because were driving eachother CRAZY! Its not good for either of our recovery. Im at 15 days now and it has been such a rollercoaster. I love him so much and im willing to do whatever it takes to work it out. I need patience and to be able to communicate. So HOW do I move forward? Has anyone gone through this with there loved ones? And if so how to do manage a peaceful relationship? Please help! Thanks!
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Old 03-23-2011, 10:39 PM
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First of all congratulations on getting sober! 15 days is a huge accomplishment!

The decision to get sober is a very difficult one on it's own & trying to maintain a relationship is compounding that difficulty. Try not to be so hard on yourself-early sobriety is a rollercoaster!

Do you & your bf have sponsors? Are you going to meetings together or separate or both? Are you starting to work the steps?

I ask this because you both need to form a support group in order to stay sober. You both need a sponsor to help guide you through all this. A sponsor is also there to help you with these situations & to help guide you through the steps. Get one asap-even if temporarily.

Your bodies & brains are very confused at this point-you're both in a fog. It's totally normal to be arguing with someone-everyone in my case-during early sobirety. You don't have the same coping strategies that you did when you were drinking. You actually didn't have any coping strategies for that matter!

My suggestion is to go to a lot of meetings & I especially like the women's meetings so that I can vent about these situations when they come up. Get a sponsor right away & start on your step work. What ever is supposed to happen will happen-you'll learn to let these things unfold as you work the program.

I wish the best of luck to you & your boyfriend! You're both doing amazing things even though it doesn't feel like it right now!
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Old 03-23-2011, 10:50 PM
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Well, I don't have any experience with getting sober together. My man does not have a drinking problem. But I do have experience working with a live together boyfriend. Is it his own business? Even worse. The problem is that you need to have time apart. Living together and working together leaves you very little time for yourself. I would say first thing to do is find a separate job.

Best to you and your boyfriend, I hope you find peace in your relationship soon.
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Old 03-23-2011, 11:01 PM
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Hi apcm

Early recovery *is* a rollercoaster - thats pretty much a given...put two people in early recovery together and you get a double rollercoaster.

Try to focus on your recovery and let your bf focus on his - the emotional peaks and valleys will even out in time and each of you will be in a much better decision then to determine if there's any real problems or not.

You may find it was just the normal early recovery irritability

D
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