Tealvertigo

One of the hugest motivations for my drug use in the past has been all the anger I have about things in life. While I feel like there were things in my past that were unfair, I am beginning to understand that my anger is somewhat poor-founded, as people in worse situations aren't nearly as angry as I am. I am not outwardly angry- I almost always avoid conflicts and open displays of anger, though at times I snap at my family when I am frustrated.

Even though I am trying to recover, I still find that my inner anger is getting further away from being resolved. It truly is painful and even with medication and counseling, it is prevalent.

What I am particularly upset about is the concept that if I do seek assisted recovery, I fear I will be convinced to admit that I am completely wrong and there will be absolutely no consolation for that. This was much of my experience in the past with other therapists. Some people have told me that I simply got a few 'bad eggs', but another part of me tells me that this is how it is.

I still use Oxycodone once in a while, but I want to get it out of my life. I find, however, that life is simply too hard to live when I am so angry/depressed. I am losing faith in therapy because I feel that it isn't helping me with my willingness to live substance-free.

Thanks for your time and advice. I wish you all the best.

ACT10Npack

Do you have a support system in place? Therapy takes time and you need to work on yourself but it's always helpful to find a support system, so you can talk your problems. You can always use SR to reach out for help if you have trust issue with people.

Dee74

Hi again teal

I resisted the idea of therapy for many years.
I was angry too...at my parents, at my childhood, at my addiction and at myself.

My anger fed my addiction and my addiction fed my anger...for all the problems they bought, I was comfortable with both. It was justifiable anger to me.

It was a classic dysfunctional relationship.

Eventually I realised if I wanted to get out of the cycle I needed to work on both things...
losing the booze to get sober, and losing the anger (among other things) to stay that way.

I'm not sure I agree that therapy's about proving you completely wrong...for me it was about illumination and growth.

There are a lot of good therapists out there. Don't let your fear of what might happen hold you back from moving forward, Teal.

D

sailorjohn

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html

Note #20.

LexieCat

And if it turns out you've been completely wrong, isn't it better to know that and make some changes rather than CONTINUING to be completely wrong?

The truth is freeing, continuing to suffer for the sake of holding onto delusions is slavery.

ChikkaB

You can choose to keep reacting to the irritants in life in a way that does not serve you, or you can choose to examine your behaviors and use new ways of handling things.

All therapy is really self-therapy, all recovery is self-recovery. People and ideas can assist you in the process, but in the end it's you who looks at things and decides which way to go.

Emotional detoxing is tough, no lie. But immensely rewarding. The payoff for looking at the crap that makes you self-medicate is the miracle of dropping that crap by the wayside and continuing the journey light and free.

For me, what helped tremendously was the support and wisdom I found in the AA rooms, plus some good books on what the heck "normal" is, and how regular people cope with life crap like I've endured. But mostly it was just the underlying concept of being 100% honest with myself that helped the most. I'm not all the way to nirvana just yet, but by golly, I haven't punched a wall, thrown a glass or screamed at the sky in years LOL

You can do this

Tealvertigo

Thanks, everyone. I had no idea that a lot of people have this same problem. I will continue to see my therapist and do something about my anger.

Anna

I was very angry due to an abusive childhood and never been able to express myself in any way. I contained the anger within myself for many, many years and tried to live my life but it didn't work. I think that chronic anger leads to depression and then back again to anger. This happens because the anger can't be sustained endlessly, so depression kicks in until the anger regroups.

I understand your fear at finding out that you've been wrong about things. Fear can keep us sick for much longer than we need to be. I was too afraid to peer into myself and when I finally did, I found out that I had been wrong about a lot of things. Most of my anger was directed towards myself for allowing myself to be abused, for not fighting back. It was painful to go through, but freeing and absolutely necessary for me to find peace in my life.

Do continue with therapy and consider medication. Those things can help.