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The Lonely Room

Old 03-21-2011, 10:22 PM
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The Lonely Room

Hiya all, it's me Stacy the lonely one, I need some more advice please.... At night I get very lonely and the TV bores me and I don't want to talk on the phone, and I won't be on chat anymore, boohoo, I know poor me but seriously. What do you do when you get lonely? I will start something and get bored or get distracted and start thinking of old loves and how I don't want to be alone forever. As an addict it's hard to find things to do, plus I'm a single mother and I don't get out much anyways. I need some productive and exciting ideas, ANYTHING to keep me from feeling this way.

Tired of huggin my pillow yo,
Stacy
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Old 03-21-2011, 10:33 PM
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I'm the only one who has viewed this lol
Oh look at all the lonely people
where do they all come from

Did I mention I'm needy too?
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Old 03-21-2011, 10:49 PM
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Hmm.. I'm not sure what to tell you. I don't really get lonely, I'm kind of a loner as it is.

Maybe try to find a hobby that can distract you? Try reading a book maybe?

Best of luck,
-Josh
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Old 03-21-2011, 10:51 PM
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Hi StaceyLove - The forum slows down a bit at night....I'm sure you'll get more responses though.....

Have you been clean/sober long? I think the whole boredom problem is hard in the first weeks..... we're used to getting "instant happiness" (or at least instant "not caring about happiness"?)

It took me several months to get going again, to develop some interests, to get some energy back, and to get used to feeling things again.

If all else fails, make a gratitude list - it really helps turn my thinking around. And things always look better in the morning, too, after a good night's sleep.

Hope you feel better soon!
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Old 03-21-2011, 10:52 PM
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I clean.
Prayer helps too.
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Old 03-21-2011, 10:56 PM
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Yay! There are people in my room for a visit, thank you thank you
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Old 03-21-2011, 11:01 PM
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Hey if I keep posting to myself it will look like I have a lot of replies and that I'm really popular!!!! Yes I need help. Stacy go do something already, no wonder you are lonely you don't move from that same place on the computer all day!
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Old 03-21-2011, 11:15 PM
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Hi Stacy - Welcome and boy can I relate. The first few weeks that I was sober, I was literally glued to this site. I came on here, went to work, came home and then came here. Insomnia was and still is pretty bad for me, so I'm often here till the wee hours of the morning rather then trying to battle
the ongoing war with lack of sleep. I have 62 days today and things have
gotten better, but there are still a bunch of emotional ups and downs. That can be exhausting.

I literally am going to have to reinvent my whole life. Drinking consumed it for a long, long time. Sometimes I am happy about it and sometimes the thought of it overwhelms me. I'm so used to being alone (I've isolated for a long time), that I don't feel lonely anymore, but do get cranky and what I call antsy pantsy and want all these changes to happen right this very minute.

I like what artsoul had to say in her post, because I find it true for me too.
Sorry I don't have more to offer you, but maybe we can explore this new world of sobriety together, what do you say?
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Old 03-22-2011, 02:05 AM
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Do you have any pets? Having something to take cate of has helped me a lot, both by feeling useful and needed, as well as putting my problems in perspective .
Reading, learning a new skill like origami, astronomy, cooking, journal writing, painting, taking a self defense class, volunteering. All of those have helped me fill in the lonely spaces. Hugs.
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Old 03-22-2011, 02:21 AM
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Thank you mtnmagic, it was very nice of you, and yes we can walk this lonely road together. So here I am up late at night again sitting around wishing I had someone to talk to, someone who will just listen to me and hold me when I cry. If I only had someone's hand to hold. And it may sound pathetic but I find myself imagining I have a hand to hold onto and it feels nice. I'm tired of being alone and it's sad because even when I was married I still felt alone. I don't know if I will ever find someone that's crazy enough to stay up all night pondering the meaning of life with me. Life is such a beautiful thing and yet so painful at the same time. I keep telling myself things will get better for me but I've been saying that for a long time, can this happen before I'm 80 please? Anyways this is what happens when I stay up too late without anyone to talk to folks. Love you all, Namaste
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Old 03-22-2011, 05:15 AM
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I am never 'really' lonely cause I have my dogs to love and to love me.
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Old 03-22-2011, 05:42 AM
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Originally Posted by stacylove View Post
Hey if I keep posting to myself it will look like I have a lot of replies and that I'm really popular!!!! Yes I need help. Stacy go do something already, no wonder you are lonely you don't move from that same place on the computer all day!
Lol...Stacy you crack me up!!

I was wondering if I was gonna see you in the chat room.
Why won't you be entering anymore?
Did we scare you?
Has our 3 amigos been cut down to 2? Lol..

Anyway..I too am suffering from insomnia lately. My mind just goes 99 mph when its time for z's. I'm almost always on here late at night, so if ever you need an ear..

Why don't you try a dating service? Like match.com?
I know people who have met their partners on such sites, so its somewhat ligit.
Try it...

Or take up make-up classes!
Its something I've been wanting to do, and MAC offers them.
You can occupy your time and look fabulous doing it!
Make a little side job out of it and hook up your friends!

Just throwing ideas out there.
Hope you have a better tonight...
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Old 03-22-2011, 05:59 AM
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Well If you don't have a daily exercise you should really make time and get that knocked out every day.. Then when you are laying on the couch you don't feel so bored you'll feel great even when you're being lazy lol.. Staying sober is a great health benefit so why not add something else healthy good luck!
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Old 03-22-2011, 06:24 AM
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In my 25 yr marriage I too felt alone, lonely.

Hi Im Sharon and Im 20 yrs sober with a many
one days at a time collected to get me where I
am today. HOWEVER.....dont let the 20 yrs scare
you because that is just a number. I am only one
drink away from a drunk if I chose to not stay in
my recovery program.

I got sober 8 yrs into my 25 yr marriage when
family stepped in with an intervention. When
I got sober and began my recovery program I
was alone. As time passed I was still alone because
I by passed my family as I grew in recovery leaving
them to wonder what happened to me. We werent
on the same page because we were speaking different
languages. I spoke of recovery which they didnt
understand and they spoke normal which I didnt
relate to.

Anyway, I stayed close to my recovery program and
all those i sat amongst in meetings or here on SR reading
others post. I also baked goodies to bring to my meetings
and found an awesome park to walk or jog for an outlet.

I kept doing what I needed each day to stay sober even
tho I was unhappy in my marriage. Finally I was blessed
upon and my cries and prayers were answered from my HP.

My 25 yr marriage ended peacefully and I returned to my
hometown and was blessed with a new husband and new
wonderful happy life in recovery.

My husband and I just celebrated our 2 yr marriage on Feb.
14th Valentines Day and we ride together on our Road King
taking awesome trips to the Grand Canyon and to Daytona.
We hold hands and kiss and all that gooey stuff that is
simply romantic and love that I craved in my 1st marriage.

There are the PROMISES written in the blue book of Alcoholics
Anonymous. Those promise do and will come true, some slowly
some quickly but will come true by living and incorperating a
program of recovery in ur everyday life.

I was lonely and miserable just like you at one time in my
life. HOWEVER today I have a purpose in life which allows
me to enjoy the gifts of recovery living happy joyous and free
without alcohol.


So can YOU.
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Old 03-22-2011, 07:35 PM
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Sharon B, thank you for sharing your story with me, I'm happy to hear that things turned around for you and it gives me hope that one day I will feel the same
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Old 03-22-2011, 08:00 PM
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Hi Stacy ....I can relate to a lot of what you say...I get lonely too despite my wonderful dogs...I Aldo know what it is like to be lonely but not alone. Hmmm. I have a life coach...sort of like therapy it helps me deal with these things
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Old 03-22-2011, 11:42 PM
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One is the loneliest number wooohooo here I am another night in the lonely room, kicking it, woohoo where did everyone go? Thanks for the company
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Old 03-23-2011, 12:09 AM
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(((Stacylove))) - I don't know about you, but I was addicted to the 3 XABF's I had, as I EVER was to crack. I thought I needed them, that I couldn't live without them (especially the one I was with for over 20 years), that if they left me, I was worthless.

Turns out, I'm not only an RA, I'm a recovering codie (codependent). I couldn't live without someone else, even when they were definitely not the right person for me.

In early recovery, I was nutso with the loneliness and boredom. I was a crackhead...living on the streets, LOTS of drama, and I couldn't remember what life was like without all that.

I got a job, then another one. I started back to school. I haven't dated in the 4 years I have recovery, other than once or twice, because I want to make sure I don't pick a man because I NEED him, because he has something I need to fix, but because he complements my life.

I have many friends, on here, that I e-mail all the time. We talk about jobs, pets, weather, and occasionally recovery stuff. Though most of them are 1000's of miles away, I found a friend who lives down the road from me, who has horses, and we are planning a day to meet and go horseback riding..something I've wanted to do for a long time.

I understand the loneliness, the boredom, but at some point you have to do something about it. Volunteer, take a class in something you're interested in, join a gym. Do something that will develop friendships. Sure, they're nothing like having a man in your life, but I've found my friends have gotten me through WAY more than any man ever did....of course my men were A's.

I'm about to go to sleep, as I have to work tomorrow, but the longer you dwell on how lonely you are, and don't do anything about it, the worse it will get. BTDT.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy
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Old 03-23-2011, 10:38 AM
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I know that being alone and feeling lonely are two different thing. I like being alone. I am comfortable in my own skin enough that I can sit here forever -alone. I have two dogs that keep me busy and an 18 year old daughter that shows up occassionally. LOL
When my kids were little (I have 4) we would do projects. Make dough (or use play dough), make costumes, have plays, watch movies and draw your favorite character, bake -alot of sugar cookies, muffins. Making applesauce is time consuming and fun. Have an ice cream sundae day. Make mud pies in the yard.
Go to more meetings during the week. Join a play group, join the gym, join a volunteer group, a senior citizen group that needs help driving or help cleaning or even walking their dogs...OMG...I can think of endless things...!! Local hospitals need help sometimes...tell them your situation and I bet they'd find something for you to do.

You have to get out of that mindset of poor me. I know its rough in the beginning but thinking outside the box helps for me. Like my counselor says "Poor Me, Pour Me Another Drink". Lets stay away from that! LOL Good Luck.
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Old 03-23-2011, 11:54 AM
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I agree on the pet thing. Cats are up all night, playing, or might be willing to cuddle. Even a fish, if a cat seems like too much trouble, is someone to talk to (and don't get a pet if you don't think you can take care of it yet). Write in a journal. Learn how to play the guitar?
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