Sobriety without AA?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Hollywood, FL
Posts: 30
Just a guess, but there are probably just as many ways of being sober as there are of being a drunk. Not drinking is the proof in the pudding.
In my experience, I desperately don't want to drink, so I take any and all ports in a storm. This is my first try at sobriety. Before now I tried to moderate. Didn't work out for me.
1. Detoxed in hospital for the first 6 days with four group sessions daily and an AA/NA meeting in the evening
2. Reality based residential rehab (28 days) including Cognitive Based Therapy, Post Acute Withdrawal Education, Denial Management, Relapse Prevention and an AA/NA meeting daily. A total of 66 hours of group a week.
3. Intensive Outpatient Therapy for 6 weeks, 3 nights a week, 3 hours per night. One AA meeting those days I had IOP, two for those days that I did not. One hour one on one with therapist once a week.
4. Sober Recovery and other substance abuse support forums.
5. Reading and research on EVERY recovery method out there that I can get my hands on, taking what is helpful and leaving the rest.
6. Last but probably foremost for my frame of mind, a network of friends and loved ones who want to see me be successful with this. Many unfortunates do not have that.
See, it turns out that I can't drink like a lady. lol
Actually, I am pursuing sobriety as if my life depended upon it, because it does.
83 days sober and these are the best days of my life. It was a lot, I mean a ton, of time and effort at first. But I am shifting the balance now to a more normal lifestyle. From this point forward, I will continue to do a meeting a day and reevaluate at 6 months sober, therapist once a week, group once a week. Oh, and of course continue to read and learn from the wide variety of sources out there.
Could I have gotten sober without all of this? Sure. People get sober every day. I am grateful to have all these life experiences and tools that I use daily, and will have them into the future.
Personally, I don't think any one method excludes others. It's not like I can get too much sobriety. If I had to pick one single way to get sober and feel that I would have a chance?
AA meetings. Hands down, not even a close second on the horizon. But that is me, and my disease.
In my experience, I desperately don't want to drink, so I take any and all ports in a storm. This is my first try at sobriety. Before now I tried to moderate. Didn't work out for me.
1. Detoxed in hospital for the first 6 days with four group sessions daily and an AA/NA meeting in the evening
2. Reality based residential rehab (28 days) including Cognitive Based Therapy, Post Acute Withdrawal Education, Denial Management, Relapse Prevention and an AA/NA meeting daily. A total of 66 hours of group a week.
3. Intensive Outpatient Therapy for 6 weeks, 3 nights a week, 3 hours per night. One AA meeting those days I had IOP, two for those days that I did not. One hour one on one with therapist once a week.
4. Sober Recovery and other substance abuse support forums.
5. Reading and research on EVERY recovery method out there that I can get my hands on, taking what is helpful and leaving the rest.
6. Last but probably foremost for my frame of mind, a network of friends and loved ones who want to see me be successful with this. Many unfortunates do not have that.
See, it turns out that I can't drink like a lady. lol
Actually, I am pursuing sobriety as if my life depended upon it, because it does.
83 days sober and these are the best days of my life. It was a lot, I mean a ton, of time and effort at first. But I am shifting the balance now to a more normal lifestyle. From this point forward, I will continue to do a meeting a day and reevaluate at 6 months sober, therapist once a week, group once a week. Oh, and of course continue to read and learn from the wide variety of sources out there.
Could I have gotten sober without all of this? Sure. People get sober every day. I am grateful to have all these life experiences and tools that I use daily, and will have them into the future.
Personally, I don't think any one method excludes others. It's not like I can get too much sobriety. If I had to pick one single way to get sober and feel that I would have a chance?
AA meetings. Hands down, not even a close second on the horizon. But that is me, and my disease.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 518
Originally Posted by Zebra1275 
I was sober on my own for 5 1/2 years and then relapsed. Once I relapsed, I had trouble staying sober for more than a few weeks before I would relapse again.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,469
I agree that complacency is not good. I don't use AA and have used SR as a lifeline for many years, and was sober before I arrived here. I am not complacent, and I work on recovery every day. It's incorporated into my life and how I live.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Somewhere in my head!
Posts: 41
Thanks to all who offered their wonderful support and personal stories. I just recently started exploring other options and it's nice knowing I'm not the only one that wants to continue my recovery without AA.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
I don't use AA. I incorporate SR with self improvement and addiction books. My sixth month of sobriety is approaching. I seriously know drinking is no longer an option. It was becoming a slow death for me. There was a series of accidents and 2 deaths ..DUIs etc. in 2010 that happened to others (drinking buddies) and it was all so preventable. I had checked out other recovery sites but NOTHING I saw topped the support and information SR has. I am truly content FINALLY BUT put myself through 30 yrs of hell before I woke up and got sober.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 325
It's obvious that you're only going to get responses from people not in AA, so you're gonna get feel good stories of what you want to hear. What you won't get is the 1000 other people reading SR who struggle, cheat, use their own thinking and relapse from "doing it on their own". They will not be posting in this thread.
New to Real Life
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: I come in Peaces
Posts: 2,071
Originally Posted by Nirvana1
It's obvious that you're only going to get responses from people not in AA, so you're gonna get feel good stories of what you want to hear. What you won't get is the 1000 other people reading SR who struggle, cheat, use their own thinking and relapse from "doing it on their own". They will not be posting in this thread.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Hollywood, FL
Posts: 30
I don't understand the need to exclude proven methods of maintaining sobriety. Most methods, programs, therapies, etc. can boast some success.
I see no earthly reason why SMART, AA, life coaches, group therapy, Rational Recovery, NA and all the recovery forums out there including Sober Recovery cannot coexist in one's recovery program.
Why not take advantage of any and all tools available to me? Can I have too many clubs in the bag? Can I possibly get too sober?
LOL, I'll take one of each, please.
I see no earthly reason why SMART, AA, life coaches, group therapy, Rational Recovery, NA and all the recovery forums out there including Sober Recovery cannot coexist in one's recovery program.
Why not take advantage of any and all tools available to me? Can I have too many clubs in the bag? Can I possibly get too sober?
LOL, I'll take one of each, please.
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
Great thread!
Of course people get sober and stay sober without AA. The thing I find fascinating is why anyone would question this, although I do realize, after having gone to a 12 step based rehab and spending years in AA, that all too often they send the message that successful abstinence is impossible (or of lower "quality") without 12 step involvement.
I have been sober 12.5 years. I got my start in AA and think there is much to like about the program, but it is not a panacea by any means. I don't utilize any recovery support group now, because I no longer view myself as being "in recovery", I am simply someone who doesn't drink. However, I volunteer for SMART Recovery because I believe people need alternatives to AA. AA simply does not suit everyone.
OTT
Of course people get sober and stay sober without AA. The thing I find fascinating is why anyone would question this, although I do realize, after having gone to a 12 step based rehab and spending years in AA, that all too often they send the message that successful abstinence is impossible (or of lower "quality") without 12 step involvement.
I have been sober 12.5 years. I got my start in AA and think there is much to like about the program, but it is not a panacea by any means. I don't utilize any recovery support group now, because I no longer view myself as being "in recovery", I am simply someone who doesn't drink. However, I volunteer for SMART Recovery because I believe people need alternatives to AA. AA simply does not suit everyone.
OTT
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Hollywood, FL
Posts: 30
I think at one point in time, AA WAS the only proven way to get and stay sober, outside of those odd birds who quit on their own. Some of that is legacied into the program.
One thing I do feel strongly about is that a dramatic lifestyle change, such a one as AA is so good at creating, is in order for anyone who is like me. Seriously, my entire life was centered around either recovering from drinking, drinking, or planning the next drunk. I was hopeless.
The willingness to change has to be there, no matter what path you follow. And it is a bitch. It is hard, very hard. Nearly impossible.
If you are an alcoholic like I am, that is.
I like to stay safe and pad my bets. Just seems like the prudent thing to do.
One thing I do feel strongly about is that a dramatic lifestyle change, such a one as AA is so good at creating, is in order for anyone who is like me. Seriously, my entire life was centered around either recovering from drinking, drinking, or planning the next drunk. I was hopeless.
The willingness to change has to be there, no matter what path you follow. And it is a bitch. It is hard, very hard. Nearly impossible.
If you are an alcoholic like I am, that is.
I like to stay safe and pad my bets. Just seems like the prudent thing to do.
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
From my experience, both in AA, SMART Recovery, and life in general, is that willingness to change--motivation--is the only true essential. Recovery groups, be they AA, SMART, LifeRing, WFS, etc. can be helpful. They can provide social support, sober friends and activities, ways to deal with cravings in the early days of abstinence, etc.....but in the end no one quits drinking who hasn't decided that they are going to do so.
My former AA sponsor, now sober 19 years, who is still a good friend, put it like this: "If someone wants to get sober, there is nothing we can do to stop them; and if someone doesn't, there is nothing we can to do make them."
OTT
My former AA sponsor, now sober 19 years, who is still a good friend, put it like this: "If someone wants to get sober, there is nothing we can do to stop them; and if someone doesn't, there is nothing we can to do make them."
OTT
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
I'm an AA guy, and I too get ticked of at AAers who say AA is the only way. Heck our book says it isn't:
p95
p95
p144
I could go on and on, but my point is that AAers who push "AA is the only way" are hypocrites who either don't know what is in our book or they have chosen to ignore it.
For my part I support your sobriety however you get there.
If he thinks he can do the job in some other way, or prefers some other spiritual approach, encourage him to follow his own conscience
we merely have an approach that worked with us.
Perhaps you are not quite in sympathy with the approach we suggest. By no means do we offer it as the last word on this subject, but so far as we are concerned, it has worked with us. After all, are you not looking for results rather than methods?
I could go on and on, but my point is that AAers who push "AA is the only way" are hypocrites who either don't know what is in our book or they have chosen to ignore it.
For my part I support your sobriety however you get there.
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
Originally Posted by Nirvana1
It's obvious that you're only going to get responses from people not in AA, so you're gonna get feel good stories of what you want to hear. What you won't get is the 1000 other people reading SR who struggle, cheat, use their own thinking and relapse from "doing it on their own". They will not be posting in this thread.
OTT
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Posts: 270
Hi LifeisCake, good for you on pursuing other avenues. As you can see many are able to get several months and I know a few in other programs with several years without any AA involvement at all. These programs will work for some people.
I always steer unwilling people away from AA. It makes it easier for us to work with the people who want to try our path if those who don't are elsewhere. Everyone wins.
For many years now I've given my time and money supporting and volunteering in several of the more popular alternative groups helping them branch out in the US and Europe. I'm the contact person for one of them in Western Europe, which has just been excruciatingly slow in getting something going. Very little interest in the majority of countries here...but, that's my problem not yours.
If people follow your example and stay away from AA involvement until they are willing to commit and act for their own benefit it would improve the experience of AAs throughout the world. If most of the back benchers were instead involved with the alternative recovery programs it would be boost membership and since they are anxious to make more meetings available, little by little meetings might open up in a few additional states, resulting in getting more people out of AA in each locale.
I hope when you choose a program to involve yourself with, that after you've gotten good results you will consider opening a meeting or two.
Everyone who is able to put together 6 months (or whatever the program requirement is for setting up a new meeting) should consider it.
Smart is in several states now, same with LifeRing. SOS seems to be lagging behind. If every member with 6 months sobriety opened a face to face alternative meeting it would add many states to the list.
Someday, I hope there will be an alternative meeting going in every large city each week, where people can get a card signed or where those with problems with alcohol or especially problems other than alcohol are welcome to just show up for a while occasionally through the years. By continually doing what we can to make that happen, it could someday be so.
I always steer unwilling people away from AA. It makes it easier for us to work with the people who want to try our path if those who don't are elsewhere. Everyone wins.
For many years now I've given my time and money supporting and volunteering in several of the more popular alternative groups helping them branch out in the US and Europe. I'm the contact person for one of them in Western Europe, which has just been excruciatingly slow in getting something going. Very little interest in the majority of countries here...but, that's my problem not yours.
If people follow your example and stay away from AA involvement until they are willing to commit and act for their own benefit it would improve the experience of AAs throughout the world. If most of the back benchers were instead involved with the alternative recovery programs it would be boost membership and since they are anxious to make more meetings available, little by little meetings might open up in a few additional states, resulting in getting more people out of AA in each locale.
I hope when you choose a program to involve yourself with, that after you've gotten good results you will consider opening a meeting or two.
Everyone who is able to put together 6 months (or whatever the program requirement is for setting up a new meeting) should consider it.
Smart is in several states now, same with LifeRing. SOS seems to be lagging behind. If every member with 6 months sobriety opened a face to face alternative meeting it would add many states to the list.
Someday, I hope there will be an alternative meeting going in every large city each week, where people can get a card signed or where those with problems with alcohol or especially problems other than alcohol are welcome to just show up for a while occasionally through the years. By continually doing what we can to make that happen, it could someday be so.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,911
@JoeCree
can you describe the moment you did this after 5.5 years of sobriety? You said you were complacent, but how so - and what was the trigger = what did you drink, and how much? did you feel terrible afterwards, etc...
Yes, I remember it well. We went to Florida on spring break with our kids and 3 -4 other families a few years ago. Every night we would go out to eat at a nice resturant, and one of the dad's had a beer (or two) each night with his dinner. It looked pretty good. Later in the evening the adults would get together to play cards or something and he would be drinking coke or a decaf coffee and I got to thinking, so "that's how you do it." I didn't drink right away but a few weeks later I ordered a beer with my dinner in a resturant, and than a second. On the way home I stopped and bought a 6 pack and a pint of vodka, and it was off to the races.
can you describe the moment you did this after 5.5 years of sobriety? You said you were complacent, but how so - and what was the trigger = what did you drink, and how much? did you feel terrible afterwards, etc...
Yes, I remember it well. We went to Florida on spring break with our kids and 3 -4 other families a few years ago. Every night we would go out to eat at a nice resturant, and one of the dad's had a beer (or two) each night with his dinner. It looked pretty good. Later in the evening the adults would get together to play cards or something and he would be drinking coke or a decaf coffee and I got to thinking, so "that's how you do it." I didn't drink right away but a few weeks later I ordered a beer with my dinner in a resturant, and than a second. On the way home I stopped and bought a 6 pack and a pint of vodka, and it was off to the races.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Somewhere in my head!
Posts: 41
Again I want to express my thanks to all who have given such wonderful advice about their personal experiences. A lot of your suggestions I have already been doing. I have very supportive parents who are there for me at all costs. They've never turned their backs on me and that alone is a blessing because of what I've put them through and how much I have cost them.
I was also seeing an addiction counselor twice a week as well as another doctor in that practice for medicine management for my depression and anxiety. Since I'm not employed and haven't had insurance I'm not able to do that right now. The only doc I'm seeing regularly is the one that prescribes my meds.
It doesn't seem that I have offended anyone with my question but I just wanted to say if I did that wasn't my intention. I don't dislike AA and I feel quite comfortable going to the meetings I just don't believe in all of what they offer. They've never made me feel unwelcome. I enjoy being with people who understand me and my situation because there are so many who don't.
Also, I've been participating with AA since I first tried to stop drinking almost 3.5 years ago.
Again, thanks to everyone.
I was also seeing an addiction counselor twice a week as well as another doctor in that practice for medicine management for my depression and anxiety. Since I'm not employed and haven't had insurance I'm not able to do that right now. The only doc I'm seeing regularly is the one that prescribes my meds.
It doesn't seem that I have offended anyone with my question but I just wanted to say if I did that wasn't my intention. I don't dislike AA and I feel quite comfortable going to the meetings I just don't believe in all of what they offer. They've never made me feel unwelcome. I enjoy being with people who understand me and my situation because there are so many who don't.
Also, I've been participating with AA since I first tried to stop drinking almost 3.5 years ago.
Again, thanks to everyone.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 325
Originally Posted by onlythetruth
I certainly hope you didn't post this comment to suggest that people who aren't in AA have nothing valuable to add.
OTT
OTT
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
Unless I missed it, noone in this thread has claimed 'anyone can stop drinking without any help what so ever'.
I did not use AA, or any structured programme - but I am happy sober and peaceful after 4 years.
I didn't do it alone however.
The experiences I've shared in here - from AAers and non AAers alike - have helped me immensely, and continues to.
I believe we're all the same side Nirvana
D
I did not use AA, or any structured programme - but I am happy sober and peaceful after 4 years.
I didn't do it alone however.
The experiences I've shared in here - from AAers and non AAers alike - have helped me immensely, and continues to.
I believe we're all the same side Nirvana
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
SR is a wealth of information and help in itself. I have learned so much about my habits, triggers and how to stop them.
I use SR as my mainstay and interacting with others, some with the same mindset and some with different, only helps me to take care of myself.....i keep an open mind and try to understand why others use different methods, cos i might need to try them too.
In 2009 I was only sober for 9 days...(in 2008 i did drink every single day mostly to excess)....i NEVER thought i could stop drinking....i am happy to say that is not the case these days....i am thrilled to be a non-drinker.
i am quite sure if I did not have the help and support I found here, i would be on my way to taking the big dirt nap.
I use SR as my mainstay and interacting with others, some with the same mindset and some with different, only helps me to take care of myself.....i keep an open mind and try to understand why others use different methods, cos i might need to try them too.
In 2009 I was only sober for 9 days...(in 2008 i did drink every single day mostly to excess)....i NEVER thought i could stop drinking....i am happy to say that is not the case these days....i am thrilled to be a non-drinker.
i am quite sure if I did not have the help and support I found here, i would be on my way to taking the big dirt nap.
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