suic

I'm pondering going over to G-Will Liquors to purchase some libations. I dunno once I go without my anethstetic for awhile I go insane. And those 12 steps just don't really do it for me. What always happens is that I become depressed and say F it and stop caring about my health. Mark mentioned that I may have mental health issues to address before being able to properly work a 12 step program. If it wasn't for Janelle I'd rent a cheap motel room in Brooklyn Center and lock the door and drink myself to death. They have a Motel 6 off of 694 for 39.99 a night.

suic

But... the one thing I can say is this is the first time I've actually confessed my intentions before I acted on them.

ViciousCycle

No point in that.........you will just feel like $hit after.

There are other things to try rather than AA.......many options are talked about here.......

Who is Janelle? Wife, girlfriend, daughter??

Things may look pretty bleak right now, but it really CAN turn around if you reach out for some help.

Please keep posting here. We do care!

Anna

It could be that you need to get your depression treated before you can begin recovery. I did. Until I was on antidepressants, I didn't care enough to fight for myself. It could also be that the depression will lift. Alcohol is a depressant and your body needs some time to adjust.

Please call your dr or go to an ER if you are feeling suicidal.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html

suic

I am on antidepressants. They don't work, in fact every one I have taken has made me feel worse.

Mark75

Are you drinking while taking them?

suic

No I haven't taken a drink when I've been on them.

Anna

I know it can be hard to find an antidepressant that works. It took me a few tries to get that sorted out. But, don't give up. And, Mark's point is well-taken, you can't drink and expect your antidepressants to work properly.

JoeStrummer

My friend, if AA isn't working for you, try something else. There are lots of successful non-AA programs that don't rely on the 12 steps. I use SOS, as well as this site. There's also LifeRing, SMART, Rational Recovery. Don't give up just because one formula isn't working - there are many paths to sobriety.

dreanick

suic, I know exactly how your are feeling. I'm having the same thoughts at this moment. I have 141 days sober and have not had these obsessive thoughts in quite some time. It's really hard to deal with. I remind myself that normal people don't have to obsess in their head over and over about drinking...I'm not normal, I'm an alcoholic and cannot drink normally.
Don't drink! Good luck.

iliveforyou

suic, don't go get that drink! I've been searching for 10 yrs (not to be a downer) for the right anti depressant/anti psychotic for my own mental health issues. Hm but then again I've had addiction problems the entire 10 yrs. Anyways, you CAN do this, we are here for you. Kudos for sharing these thoughts before acting! keep fighting!!

suic

I did not end up going to the liquor store. I'll be ok today and tomorrow

iliveforyou

Awesome!! Keep fighting the good fight

perfectlyFlawed

yayyy!

Reset

My anti-depressants didn't work at first either. And yeah I felt like complete crap the first week and half of taking them. It took about a month messing with the dosages (with input from my doctor, of course) and just letting my body adjust to them. It takes a while.

Oh and the doctor told me that if the medicine he prescribed wasn't working right to come back and he'd probably have to prescribe something different. I would highly suggest you go back to your doctor and talk to him about it.

Good luck and good job not drinking. Remember that drinking isn't going to make you feel any better, it'll just push you farther away.

ViciousCycle

Suic........I think I may know the root of your depression. I think it may come from being a Detroit Lions fan. lol..........just kidding. Great job on not going to the store..........!!!!!

suic

Hey we did beat the Packers this year. And I don't know why I hear the word "recovery" and seem so afraid of it. In any other circumstance that word would compel me.

LaFemme

Hi suic! So glad you didn't drink! I was scared of recovery because I was scared I would get sober and all my other problems would still be there...and they were...but by getting sober and learning to love myself I started to get better. I have 8 months and they are the best 8 months of my adult life but they have been work and I know there is a ways to go still.

Sending good vibes your way.

LaFemme

Aysha

I am glad you didnt go too.
It is hard when you feel like there isnt anythign that can help you. I use to feel like that all the time. But in reality I wasnt even trying to let anything help me. I already had it set in my mind it wasnt going to help.
You know..Cause I know it all.
I hope you find something.
There are so many different ways to get and stay sober and sane and happy.
You just gotta look for it, trial and error and never ever give up.

michelle01

I had many times I thought maybe I was going insane when I quit drinking, it is just such a huge adjustment for the mind to make, it is quite normal for moods to be all over the place for awhile. Once I understood that, I stopped feeling under so much pressure. But for the first part of recovery the slightest thing could set me off, I could go from one extreme to another.

I do have to take anti depressants and for awhile I was on a mood stabilizer. I have a psychologist as well as a psychiatrist, I find that being able to 'vent' about how I feel often helps the situation.

Gradually I learned that if I didn't drink, the difficult moments passed and I could deal with them. Anti depressants aren't an instant fix all, but if they are prescribed correctly can help you gain more clarity to begin working on things.

Please reach out for help if you are in a desperate frame of mind, I always had a list of numbers of emergency mental health services I could call 24/7. Getting through recovery was rough for me but ultimately provided gains I think for my mental health, in terms of the depression and anxiety, the key is getting help if you are not able to care for or may be destructive to yourself.