Identifying patterns and triggers?
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 70
Identifying patterns and triggers?
In my current miserable hungover death state it just occured to me that I have a completely illogical pattern to my "relapses" or whatever I'm supposed to call them. Take today for example. A friend I was out with last night just called and said, let's go get something to eat at xyz bar (the usual Sunday night spot, on the beach, live band- a really nice place to wind down the weekend if I were, in fact, capable of moderate social drinking)
And I declined- because I know I will only get myself in trouble and not be able to function at work tomorrow.
Which makes me feel proud of myself for being able to say no...
Which inevitably manifests itself by next weekend as the thought- "I was able to say no on Sunday, and I didn't drink all week- I am fine! I can go out and have fun!"
So- that means my own realization that I have to say "no", and doing it- is a trigger in itself????
I don't know if that makes sense, but I guess my question is, how can doing the RIGHT thing for myself by saying no be the same thing that allows me to justify drinking again?? It's so illogical.
And I declined- because I know I will only get myself in trouble and not be able to function at work tomorrow.
Which makes me feel proud of myself for being able to say no...
Which inevitably manifests itself by next weekend as the thought- "I was able to say no on Sunday, and I didn't drink all week- I am fine! I can go out and have fun!"
So- that means my own realization that I have to say "no", and doing it- is a trigger in itself????
I don't know if that makes sense, but I guess my question is, how can doing the RIGHT thing for myself by saying no be the same thing that allows me to justify drinking again?? It's so illogical.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Personally, I don't believe in "triggers". External forces don't make anyone drink, IMO. (I know some others here would disagree.)
Being me is what made me want to drink. Being an alcoholic.
Changing yourself is more work than changing your environment. But ultimately, it's much more reliable.
Being me is what made me want to drink. Being an alcoholic.
Changing yourself is more work than changing your environment. But ultimately, it's much more reliable.
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 413
Go to meetings if you are failing on your own.. u will hear all the advice u need to hear there without falling on your own warped logic, which we all alcoholics eventually do when left to our own devices.
Drink one day at a time if you like, or stay sober one day at a time. The choice is ours!
Drink one day at a time if you like, or stay sober one day at a time. The choice is ours!
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,447
I agree with you that identifying triggers is a big help in recovery.
For me, a major trigger was being home alone when my husband travelled. Once I recognized this trigger, I began to plan around those times, to be doing something totally different. Of course, it also involved a lot of changes within myself as well, but knowing what my triggers were made the early recovery days easier to deal with.
For me, a major trigger was being home alone when my husband travelled. Once I recognized this trigger, I began to plan around those times, to be doing something totally different. Of course, it also involved a lot of changes within myself as well, but knowing what my triggers were made the early recovery days easier to deal with.
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 645
A big trigger for me was cleaning my house to a tee. Once the house was immaculate and smelling clean, I would always pour myself a glass of wine and relax. However, then I'd pour another one, and then another one, etc. The next thing you know I'd be sloppy drunk. Ugh! Hate!!
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Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 471
I have that same problem, March....and what I've learned for myself is that I need to treat my brain as a liar...the same as I would as a friend who had repeatedly lied to me. I have done the exact same thing...made it through a week, felt really good about it and then "tricked" my mind into thinking I was ok. It never works. At this point, you can't believe any of your thoughts. You CANNOT drink. Period. My opinion at least. I'm the same way. When i start to think those thoughts, I just tell myself I'm not drinking--no matter how great my brain argues the case. 
Triggers are a HUGE deal for me. I've learned that I absolutely cannot be home alone at night during this new stage...I cannot allow myself to get too hungry or the urge to drink will become overwhelming (I used to make sure I stopped eating around 2:00 so I could get the "full affect" of the alcohol I drank). As soon as you realize what your triggers are, avoid them at all costs. As far as you saying no as its own trigger, my opinion is that it's just your alcohol-starved brain that is trying desperately for you to drink again--to justify it as ok. Ignore that part. Good luck to you!!!
Triggers are a HUGE deal for me. I've learned that I absolutely cannot be home alone at night during this new stage...I cannot allow myself to get too hungry or the urge to drink will become overwhelming (I used to make sure I stopped eating around 2:00 so I could get the "full affect" of the alcohol I drank). As soon as you realize what your triggers are, avoid them at all costs. As far as you saying no as its own trigger, my opinion is that it's just your alcohol-starved brain that is trying desperately for you to drink again--to justify it as ok. Ignore that part. Good luck to you!!!
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 270
Originally Posted by March7 
In my current miserable hungover death state it just occured to me that I have a completely illogical pattern to my "relapses" or whatever I'm supposed to call them.
Originally Posted by March7
....my question is, how can doing the RIGHT thing for myself by saying no be the same thing that allows me to justify drinking again?? It's so illogical.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
I can definitely relate. For me it's summed up as "You've been a good boy for a while, now it's time for you to have some fun". Almost like I deserve it! The question here is what is the "IT" that I deserve. For me alcohol provided some very good things (for about 2 hours of my night). That first drink. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.... Especially after a long time without a drink. The anticipation would give my butterflies in my stomach. When I was active it was the only thing that allowed me to look at my life and think, "Things ain't so bad"... "You really are a pretty decent guy"... "The future is going to be good"....
My problem is those feelings were always replaced by the hopelessness of drinking to oblivion. At some point, alcohol took away my 2 hours. The longer I drank, the shorter the "relief" periods were. At the end, I would basically go from sober, to drunk. Negative, full of fear, confused, self loathing, etc....
I have to take the option of drinking off of the table and get active into a program of recovery. My sobriety is a daily process. Every morning I wake up with untreated alcoholism. It's on me to put myself into recovery on a daily basis. When I do that, I am so much happier than I ever dreamed of being.
I wish you the best. We can all get better man!
My problem is those feelings were always replaced by the hopelessness of drinking to oblivion. At some point, alcohol took away my 2 hours. The longer I drank, the shorter the "relief" periods were. At the end, I would basically go from sober, to drunk. Negative, full of fear, confused, self loathing, etc....
I have to take the option of drinking off of the table and get active into a program of recovery. My sobriety is a daily process. Every morning I wake up with untreated alcoholism. It's on me to put myself into recovery on a daily basis. When I do that, I am so much happier than I ever dreamed of being.
I wish you the best. We can all get better man!
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
I had to remove myself from people and places that involved alcohol especially in the beginning. I also accept the fact that I drank to get drunk. Fast and hard. I don't understand moderate drinking and never will. I don't know of many people that can expose themselves to activities that involve alcohol and not rouse the idea of joining in. Time to make some changes maybe?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 270
Originally Posted by reggiewayne
I can definitely relate. For me it's summed up as "You've been a good boy for a while, now it's time for you to have some fun"....
I have to take the option of drinking off of the table and get active into a program of recovery....
I have to take the option of drinking off of the table and get active into a program of recovery....
If the "option" of drinking is still on the table, on the other hand...
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
I hate to call them 'triggers' because everything surrounding my alcoholism is a trigger...its just life...I try to change my playground/playmates, change habits, change my schedule. But today coming home from the farm what comes on the radio but good ol' George singing 'one bourbon one scotch one beer'. I was like...OUCH!!! a beautiful warm first day of spring -don't make it a chilled last day of sobriety. LOL
It's all good. That's the magic of radio just flip the dial.
Personally, I'd take some time off from that hot spot. Unless you are confident you can go and 'have fun' -without the booze. That's a tough one.
It's all good. That's the magic of radio just flip the dial.
Personally, I'd take some time off from that hot spot. Unless you are confident you can go and 'have fun' -without the booze. That's a tough one.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I can relate - I think I had stronger urges when I had accomplished what I wanted to and things were good....
Drinking is how we celebrate.... so it makes perfect sense that we want to celebrate being sober with a drink!
Early sobriety is tough because the alcoholic thinking is still there - it's takes time for sobriety to become our new normal.
I never imagined how good it would feel to be free of the insane logic of alcohol. Hang in there - it's worth it!
Drinking is how we celebrate.... so it makes perfect sense that we want to celebrate being sober with a drink! Early sobriety is tough because the alcoholic thinking is still there - it's takes time for sobriety to become our new normal.
I never imagined how good it would feel to be free of the insane logic of alcohol. Hang in there - it's worth it!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 70
Thanks you guys!!! This is so helpful. I finally looked up some AA meetings in my area and will be going to one tomorrow night at 7. I am going to call in the morning and see if someone can be prepared to talk to me about getting a sponsor. It is definitely time to take the option of drinking ever again completely off the table. Rationalizing and making excuses will just get me back to square one, every time.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Florida
Posts: 70
What ended up happening tonight was I went with that same friend to a normal restaurant to get dinner (not a party atmosphere like where we would normally go) and it was easier to just get water with my meal, have a conversation, and leave. HOWEVER- my friend got a margarita, which came out wrong, and my friend asked me to taste it to see if I agreed it was made wrong. I know this all seems like stupid details, but I have a point to this I promise
Anyway, I didn't taste it, blaming my hangover. I think what I actually said was, "I can't even smell that right now or I will puke"
But that made me think I need to put in a MUCH BIGGER effort to make changes- maybe not just the venue, but the people as well. This is a very good friend who I talk to almost every day, we go to the gym together, and many other activities that don't include alcohol- but many do. I think I need to stay away from any situation where there might be alcohol, at least for awhile. Even if that means avoiding people I like until I get stronger. This is a tough one for me!
Anyway, I didn't taste it, blaming my hangover. I think what I actually said was, "I can't even smell that right now or I will puke"
But that made me think I need to put in a MUCH BIGGER effort to make changes- maybe not just the venue, but the people as well. This is a very good friend who I talk to almost every day, we go to the gym together, and many other activities that don't include alcohol- but many do. I think I need to stay away from any situation where there might be alcohol, at least for awhile. Even if that means avoiding people I like until I get stronger. This is a tough one for me!
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