Newcomer
 

Hello all,

I am a newcomer. I am not sure if I am posting in the correct spot or not. I had a heck of a time just getting logged into the site.

I have been a functional/secret alcoholic for about 25 years. I don't drink every day or until I blackout and I am successful in my career, so it has been easy for me to deny my problem. But my blood work is beginning to show signs of what I have been hiding for so long and so I am afraid that I won't be there for my daughters when they grow up. My own father died of colon cancer at the age of 61. I know in my heart it was the beer drinking that did him in.

Anyway, I have tried to quit drinking several times and just keep going back to the booze. I have had many "last nights of drinking" in my drinking career and I am sick of this stupid cycle. I had several thousand "last cigarette ever" attempts but was able to cut that out about 10 years ago. I hope I can do the same with alcohol.

Anyway, I have always been a good athlete but have never put in the effort to really develop my body. So my goal is to replace drinking with exercise. I hope to lose about 15 pounds of fat and gain some self-confidence. I also want to stop feeling so crabby all the time. I hide the crabbiness pretty well most of the time, but I never feel very good on the inside. There is a history of obsessive-compulsive behavior in my family.

I do not intend on attending AA. I am not that guy. I don't have a higher power and I am not willing to publicly announce that I am a problem drinker. I have my reasons.

My difficult time is from about 2-5 in the afternoon. If I can get through those three hours, I am fine. I very rarely start drinking earlier or later. I generally have 6-7 beers when I drink. It may not sound like much to a heavy drinker, but 3 or 4 nights a week is too often. I have tried to cut down but I just cannot do it. So I know it is better to to just quit.

I hope this is the last time I will quit.


Trickymickey

Welcome, Mickey,

You gotta start somewhere. Try your plan, and see how it works out. Maybe that will be all you need to quit for good.

If it's not that simple, don't close the door on any options. Alcoholism is progressive and it does kill.

I made a deal with myself (I am in AA)--I decided I would start with AA (90 meetings in 90 days) and if that didn't "take" then I was going to go to rehab. I haven't had a drink since (over two and a half years), and I have no desire to drink. So my "plan A" worked for me.

Just make a "plan B" in case YOUR "plan A" doesn't work. Don't keep trying "plan A" over and over and over.

Something to consider...

I know you are right. I will see how it goes. If next Sunday comes and I have not been dry for a week, then i will attend a meeting. Maybe not going to a meeting is a form a denial. You are right about it being a progressive disease. I need to take this seriously.

Thanks..

Welcome to SR. Glad you are here.

I do hope your plan works. But please don't give up if it doesn't. There are many other treatment plans that have worked for a variety of people. Keep trying until you find the one that works for you. Personally, AA worked for me. But I realize that it may not work for everyone.

Take care and I do hope you stick around and let us know how it goes.

Mickey,

I'm just gonna throw these links out there for you. Just in case you want to mull it over a little.

The first one is a link to a terrific article about what to expect at your first AA meeting. It does a very good job of dispelling some of the misconceptions and fears people have about AA. The other link is to an online version of AA's "Big Book". The first 164 pages are all about alcoholism and about how AA works to address the underlying causes. The rest of it is personal stories.

As I said, just something for you to take a look at if you are ever thinking about checking it out. I found that AA makes sobriety a good place to be, rather than a gloomy place where I am feeling deprived of something I ONCE enjoyed (by the time most of us get to the point where we want to quit, we don't really "enjoy" drinking anymore--we do it because it feels like we must).

welcome to SR mickey.

Hi Mickey

Good to have you with us :)
I hope this can be your last time too

SR's really helped me and I hope you find it works for you too - at the very least you'll get some ideas about what else to do.

If you're interested, here's some links to the main recovery players - including AA but some other options as well :)

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

D

Welcome to the family.:)

Hi Mickey,

It sounds like you have a good plan.

I'm not an AA person either, but have made many changes in my life to aid my recovery. And, SR is a good place to come for inspiration and support.

Thanks all!
 

Thank you very much for the support. I think there is a part of me that doesn't want to admit being an alcoholic by going to AA because I won't be able to drink anymore without making a major problem. How is that for messed up logic? But just discussing it here makes me feel better.

I reserved a raquetball court for my daughter and me tomorrow night. If I can keep myself busy with physical activity then I think I have a fighting chance f getting through the first couple of weeks. But for now, I guess I need to worry about the present, not next week.

Thanks again. Hopefully I will be able to give back to others when I get out of the initial fog of recovery.

Welcome Micky, there will be A LOT OF SUPPORT HERE FOR YOU ANYTIME YOU NEED IT!

oops! Sorry about the Caps!

All my best as you discover what what you need
for a healthier sober future.

Welcome ...:wavey:

Welcome! I also found that discussing my thoughts here was a huge help. I had no one in my life with the same problem, and here I could be myself, I wasn't alone anymore. No one was shocked or horrified to hear what I'd been up to, and they understood my struggles.

I fell back on alcohol my whole life to calm me down, help me relax or not feel shy, etc. It was the worst thing I could have done, as it kept me from experiencing life in a normal way. Be glad that you've come to this conclusion now - I wish I'd been as wise.
It's great to have you here with us. Let us know how it's going.

I remember having the very same thoughts..... it's perfectly logical thinking to an alcoholic mind! While we really want to quit, it's hard to imagine never having a drink again. Believe me, everyone here gets it.

I'm not in AA - I'm just here at SR ALOT! It would have been overwhelming to me to attend a meeting right after getting sober, but after a few weeks I would have had no problem with it. Take it one day at a time......and if you start getting the urge to drink - read some posts here to remind you why you want it out of your life.

Hang in there!!:c014:

Welcome. Your post sounds like some posts I used to share about 5 years ago. 5 years ago I was going to focus on exercise, do it without AA, I didn't need an HP or even know how to get one. That was 5 years ago.

The result - I have 109 days sober. So what happened to the 4.5 years in between???? Well, I was focusing on me, working out, didn't have an HP lol...

For me, your planned failed. I'm not saying or wanting it to fail for you, but I can tell you that for me, it didn't work. AA helps me get out of myself. I can listen to others that have been where I've been. That know what it's like to have this condition. That know how to get through cravings... Remember, your best thinking and planning has gotten you to where you are now. You've told yourself, THIS IS IT, I'M DONE DRINKING and it sounds like it's never worked. My question is, why would it work now?

AA is not the only way, but it's the only way that has worked for me. I do know that in order for any alcoholic to quit drinking he/she must find their way into a recovery program.

Do me a favor. Click on this link XA-Speakers - The lights are on! Just listen to it. Matter of fact, if you have an ipod download the entire Dr's opinion and listen to it when you're working out.

If you find yourself in this story then AA might just be for you.

I wish you the best!!

Welcome Mickey! I can relate to much of what you said. Over 25 years of drinking, maintaining a successful career, knowing I need to quit, quitting a gazillion times... and failing, not interested in AA. You're not alone.

But others have made it and You can too. There comes a time when we just know, enough is enough. It sounds like you may be there. You're putting a plan together, so work the plan. Come here and read stories and share how you're feeling. Figure our your triggers and work through them. Exercise, reconnect with family and friends....there's lot of change ahead, all good.

You won't believe how good you feel 30 days from now, 60 days, 6 months. We're all pulling for you!

Welcome Mickey...!!

Thanks for the note. I do feel welcome here