jconnor23

Hi, I am brand new to this and thought this may be a good way to possibly receive some advice and support from people here. I hope people reading this wont get aggravated with me telling my story, but in order to truly understand what may be going on with me mentally now, you need to know what happened in my past. I try my best to never think I had it any worse than anyone else in recovery and I never put my story out there for pity, I just honestly need some support because lately I've been hanging on by a thread. I have only told my story a few times in treatment when I was forced to and haven't since, so if anything this will be therapeutic for me. I have to warn you its going to be a little long, but I want to include everything... My name is Jake and I began drinking when I was 16. At that time I was allowed to live in my own house that was given to me by my father who was also my best friend. My father at that time was living in a house down the street with his new fiancee. My drinking started to get a little out of control when I reached 17 and I quit the band I was in so that I could simply focus on drinking and girls. At age 18 the close friends I had were not so close to me anymore, I had pretty much drank the majority of my relationships away and at 18 I left to go to college in Georgia. Upon getting there things got a little more enhanced, I began using coke and ecstasy more and more, abusing adderall and any benzo I could get my hands on. when the time came for winter break my father asked me to come home. When I got there I found the "home" that I was raised in and lived in all my life was turned upside down by my fathers fiancee. My childhood room was made into a room for two of her daughters and my new room was in the attic. I dealt with it and didn't even let it bother me as much as it should have because my father was happy and thats really all that mattered to me. on Christmas eve though, I sat up in my room watching tv, drinking some vodka and I began to hear some yelling from my fathers fiancee, I leaned in to listen and heard her say, "I want you out of here, we are done, please get your things and leave this house." I was heated, this house had been in our family for 300 years, used to be a cottage on a wagon trail and the name of the road is my last name. Not to mention the fact my father was the nicest person alive and I had the feeling she was using him from the beginning. I climbed down and ran into the bedroom and got in her face. I screamed at her "how could you dare do this to us, you cant, this is our house and has been for generations." Truth was she could, she had played this well, had a baby with my father months before and could legally do whatever she wanted to now. My father soon left to go to a neighbors house to talk with a friend, I got my stuff and left soon after because I didn't feel right alone with her. I crawled up in the back of my car to sleep, in winter, with no heat working. my father came about 30 minutes after, got me up and told me to come with him to a hotel. The next day we went to my aunts house where we had dinner and all day I had been sneaking beers from her downstair fridge which I knew was stocked. halfway through I go down to chug 3 in the bathroom and as Im coming out I feel this terrible pain in my stomach. I laid on the couch thinking it might just be some gas or something else that will hopefully pass. I start to eat handfuls of tums and then finally I couldn't take it anymore so I screamed for my dad. When he came down I told him I needed to go to the hospital, and he saw I was in serious pain so he took me. The doctor told me I had acute pancreatitis, the most exacerbated case he has seen in a long time with the youngest patient he has ever seen, 18. I see my father crying out of the corner of my eye and it became one of the worst moments of my life. I was hospitalized for a week, my mother begged me not to go back to college, but somehow being the little crazy 'only child' manipulator I was, I convinced them both to let me go back. My grades were very good as well, so it helped me greatly in my persuasion to my parents to go back to school. After freshman year I decided not to go back to where my father was staying because I didn't want to see how he was living alone now, so I spent the summer at college alone as well, getting messed up day and night in my apartment. When Sophomore year started I made it half a semester before I was too coked out and drunk to even walk to class one day and told the campus psychiatrist I just wanted to die. They immediately sent me to a mental ward/detox in the sticks of georgia where they shot me up with thorazine and kept me there for a week. My father came to pick me up and I cried in his arms when I saw him, he was the only friend I had left and I had missed him terribly. I got back to CT and lived with him for the next 3 months which included a number of talks that I needed to do something with my life. He told me I couldn't just sit at his house all day and drink and he was absolutely right. So of course, I did what so many young addicts do, I joined the military, the united states navy. I left two months later, a week after my twentieth birthday. I got to call my father the second night I was there after I had been up for 48 hours, and I was so happy to hear his voice when he picked up the phone. I remember telling him "I don't know if I could do this, I dont think I can make it dad," which he followed by laughing a little and telling me I could, that he did and its all a game, I needed to understand that. The last thing he said to me was "I love you buddy." Two weeks later my chief calls me over and tells me I need to go talk to the chaplain and I knew that was never good news. I get in and he says "Your father has died in a car accident." I was in shock... and I guess I still am in some way. I never really became able to deal with his death. I went back to my barracks, cried all night in my rack and got up at 5:00. I finished boot camp though and got shipped to groton, CT. Upon arrival there I had been informed by my family that I received $500,000 in life insurance that I quickly put in a mutual fund. After about a year in A-school I received a letter telling me that my money had now grown to $590,000. I was a 21 year old, raging alcoholic and addict with over half a million dollars at my disposal. I immediately thought there was no reason for me to be in the navy anymore. I bought a brand new BMW and I left the Navy stating that I had anxiety and depression. I stayed in a hotel for the next six months doing every drug imaginable and drinking 24/7. I left one night to go back home to a party and got involved in a horrible head on collision DUI with another guy and his girlfriend. This being my small hometown, the following afternoon everyone knew what I had done. I left for rehab which I kept myself in for the next six months. When I left, I decided to go with a friend who talked me into moving to florida. He told me the recovery was great down there and the weather was beautiful. Not even a month in Palm Beach, I began smoking weed, and taking klonopin. My friend began introducing me to many people in the program that he knew, one mainly that I began to look up to a great deal. after a few months of getting to know him he told me he could make me some money in the stock market, more than I could ever make with my mutual fund. I knew he was a broker, at least thats what he told me when I first got to know him. He showed me how he traded at home and I respected him a lot, he convinced me he knew what he was doing and in a way he definitely did. I soon wired him $100,000. then when he gave me a $20,000 return I wired him the rest of my money. After that, I couldn't get in touch with him in any way. At that point I pretty much knew I was scammed, so I began drinking, heavier than ever before. Finally though, after a month he picked up his phone. He told me he was sorry and that he had been in colombia and that he would pick me up in five minutes to talk to me about my "investment." He did, but locked the doors as soon as I got in and then patted my body down for wires. I was honestly, very scared, I was 21, 125 and he was 35, 170. Not a good match. He looked at me and said "I am going to take all your money and there is nothing you can do about it and If you go to the cops I will ****ing kill you. get out of the car." I was destroyed, I wanted to die, and needless to say things got pretty bad after that. Over the course of the next two years I was sent to 10 mental institutions that I was baker acted into, was involved in another dui that suspended my license for 5 years and was admitted to two more treatment centers. When I left the second treatment I was on probation for a year. 8 months into my probation I began drinking again and taking xanax. 11 months in I got arrested for a public intoxication which I violated and got sent to jail for. I began to withdraw so bad by the third day that I had a seizure and began hallucinating all day and night. They ended up taking me out of general population and put me in the medical unit where I began talking to walls and hearing voices for a week. After 23 days I was free to go as long as I decided to be directly sent to a treatment center. I obviously agreed and spent the next 60 days there. When I left I had to go on a homeless outreach grant that allowed me to stay in a halfway house for a month. Almost as soon as I arrived, my aunt told me she had received a letter from the IRS stating that I owed them somewhere in the vicinity of $905,000. I felt like I was in a living nightmare, how could this possibly be true? they don't tax life insurance. I knew the man that had stolen my money had something to do with this and when I looked at the IRS letter it was clear that was exactly the case. The exact year he had stolen my money, the exact amount I had transferred him was on my gains for that year. He had made another account using my name and then informed me to wire the money to that account. It took me a few months to figure that out, but now I can see that is clearly what happened. There was also a letter that came soon after that from my bank telling me that my accounts will be frozen (for once, thank god I didn't have any money) and that my paychecks would be garnished. So now I couldnt even work. I had no choice but to go to a homeless shelter when my homeless grant was up where I spent the next six months. I enrolled in college when I was there, applied for loans and grants and used the money to rent an apartment when I was no longer allowed to stay in the shelter. It is now a week away from my 25th birthday, 2 weeks before my 1 year anniversary, and feel worse than I ever have. I have worked so incredibly hard this past year to change every aspect of my life and have done well, but no one wants to touch this case. I never think about using anymore, but I have no self esteem, no job, and I am quickly running out of money. I know if I lose this apartment when I run out of money let alone not be able to go to college there is a good chance I just might fall apart. And unfortunately that looks like exactly what is going to happen... I apologize for how long that was, but I really needed to get all of that out of me, its been a long time since I have told anyone my story. I really appreciate the time and consideration anyone took to read that, and if no one did than I just appreciate the space in your forum to write it... thank you.

Chris2011

Jconner.....my goodness...you have been thru a tremendous amount of tragedy at such a young age. First and for most...you have to stop using and drinking. NOW. I hope you get the help you need to do this...please, you are just too young to throw your life away. And you know what...thank goodness you ARE young and can start over. Get a mentor immediately....also, please tell me you got straight with the IRS. If not, work on that. I will have to reread your post to absorb it. But listen....you seem like a nice young man, but using and alcohol has been your worst enemy...get the help you need now. It is hard to lose a dad at your age...I know. Keep reading here and posting.

EmeraldRose

Have you discussed this with legal counsel? That is just wrong he swindled you. He must have had you as a target knowing what happened.
I am terribly sorry to hear about your Dad. That must have been devastating.

artsoul

Welcome to the forum jconnor - all I can say is "whoa....." I'm a bit speechless after reading that...... I can't imagine going through all that by the age of 25.

In the end, though, you're kind of back where you started from, going to school, no big money (which really could have been a blessing if you were using drugs/alcohol uncontrollably).

If I understand you right, you have a year of sobriety(?) - That's huge, you know..... You should feel really good about yourself, in my opinion. Money problems aren't fun, but as someone once said "if your only problems are money problems, you don't have any problems..." In other words, there are solutions..... What about working part time and going to school part time? Or maybe finding a sober roomate (or someone who needs a roomate?) to reduce your rent?

Are you taking advantage of any counseling services at your school? I think that would be a huge help, too.

Anyway, just glad you're here - the people are great and so is the support!

jconnor23

wow, this is great. thank you both so much. I cant believe people you have not only read my long post but responded so quickly. It is nice to finally talk to someone about all this. I know, I have been clean almost a year now and honestly never even think about using anymore. It has caused so many problems that are still wrecking my life that I couldn't imagine how unbearable life would be if I went back out. I have too many things at stake, my mother has also been through a rough life and I couldnt dare do this to her again and I have college which I am doing very well in and if I lose that I will surely lose myself.

jconnor23

Nothing has been solved with the IRS. This guy was very clever in the way he stole from me and the way he did makes it look like I just transferred money to my own account. I have to admit though, I don't go to meetings anymore because I don't trust anyone in there. He has pretty much ruined that aspect of recovery for me.

NewMe11109

Hi Jake - Welcome to SR. Thank you for your post. It was very heartfelt and I am sorry that you are going through all of this.

Each of us gets to this point - the point when we say "enough!" - in our own time and our own way. It doesn't matter how we get there, but the fact that we get there at all is something amazing, because it gives us a chance to do something different.

Many people die before they can get there, so your post is a great step towards a better future.

As an alcoholic, I always felt that I drank because I was unhappy, but as I get more sobriety, I realize that my alcohol played a large role in my unhappiness. Please know that I am NOT saying that your father's death was in any way your fault or cause by your alcohol or drugs. I have had death of a family member as well, so I understand at least in a small way. My point is that because of our alcohol and drug use, we often haven't ever really had the chance to grieve in a healthy way, and so, we can never move forward from the terrible events.

What I found is that we alcoholics and addicts use our drug of choice as a way of avoiding pain. We often say in recovery that "I thought I had a problem with alcohol, but now I realize that alcohol was my solution to my problems." This means that we need to work on our "real" problems - and learn to deal with them in a healthy way. We have people on the forum who have lost children, parents, friends; people who have killed other people and may go to jail soon; people who are dying ... but through their recovery, they have learned how to live without drugs and alcohol, despite the challenges.

So, my point is that while it feels like you are at the bottom today, you could look at it with a "half-full" mindset ... it can only get better. However, it doesn't happen without some hard work and changing how you think. We need to learn to rely on other people and ask for help. We need to acknowledge that our way of doing things hasn't been working and so perhaps a new way of thinking and acting should be considered.

For me, I use AA plus SR plus working with other alcoholics. I spend quite a few hours each week working on my recovery, but what I can tell you is that it has now been incorporated into my life and has made me much happier as a person.

I am helping one of my sponsees right now with tax and garnishment issues, so I know it is very stressful.

Today it feels dark and you may not know where to turn. But, you have taken the first step -- by reaching out here on SR.

If you want to talk so anyone on this forum, you can send them a private message or go on the online chat.

We're all here to help one another. We're not bad people trying to get good, we are just sick people trying to get well.

You don't have to do this alone. We are here for you.

jconnor23

Thank you artsoul, you are very right and there are times when I am completely in that state of mind where I truly believe I am doing well. I also do have a sober roommate right now, which definitely helps with rent, I could not do this on my won. I cannot work though, the IRS is taking my wages now.

jconnor23

Thank you all so much, I truly appreciate it, I have always been an isolated person and after all of this happened I became even more isolated. It is nice to know I can talk to people on here.

artsoul

. yeah, I forgot..... sorry! It just seems like there ought to be some kind of solution here........ (the only thing that comes to mind right now is yard work....)

Aren't there ways of working with the IRS - can they really take ALL of your money? Have you talked to an attorney?

NewMe11109

The IRS (usually) can only take about 25% of your wages if I remember correctly. Identity theft coupled with fraud is tough - especially when you don't have the money to hire an attorney to represent you. Perhaps there is a Legal Aid or local attorney who will take your case pro bono? Worst case, just pay the 25% until you get enough to get this worked through. If you can prove your innocence later, the IRS would probably have to refund your money.

Chris2011

Sorry, I realize now you have been sober...good for you jconner. I do wish an attorney could help you...but aside from that, you are young and while it may not seem like it, you have you whole life ahead of you. Fight the IRS anyway you can...they won't just give in. Can you get an attorney? Do you have family...mom, siblings? I hope you have people to encourage you...reach out!!!

Tiredofdrugs

First Jake: I'm so sorry you lost your dad. That's an awful way to lose a parent.

You do have some legal grounds here. You just have to be willing to report to the authorities as to what this man did to you and your money. This will possibly get you out of hot water with the IRS.

You can also consider going back into the Navy, if that's still an option. I'm a 22 year retired/disabled veteran from the Army. I had gotten out when I had eleven years in. This woman told me she had done the same thing and someone had told her she should get back in and finish her 20 years. So I took her advice and got back in. I'm a 100% DAV, but I'm still functionable and live a happy life now.

You've seen what kind of life the drugs and alcohol have gotten you. I'd say you don't need any more lessons in that kind of life. So now it's time to put yourself on the straight and narrow.

There is an individual on here: Timebuster He has had many years in the streets using and ended up in a year long treatment facility. His stories would be worth your time in reading. Just click on his Avatar, then click on find posts or threads by him. You can follow his stories that way.

You've got the bank records, to show the new account, this is a start with going after the guy that did this to you. Who knows how many others he's done this to. He needs to be STOPPED. Your signature won't be nowhere to be found on that new account. That's proof you didn't open it.

I wish you well and success in your future.

TOD

jconnor23

please, no reason to apologize, i'm amazed that anyone even read all of that. I was in the middle of trying to decide how to cut half of that post out when people responded.

Thats very true, I could try and find under the table work, that will definitely be a mission, especially without a car. it is hard enough to find a job in florida right now with a regular paycheck.

I have talked to three attorneys. the first two said I need to start accepting the fact I would never see that money again and the third never called me back after he investigated into this guy. I don't have any money to pay them though and they know that, Im sure that is 99% of why they wont help me.

I have hired a PI last month though who is a close friend of a good friend of mine. He only charged me $1000 as well since his friend knew me well, which was a still a hit, but definitely a number that was possible.

Tiredofdrugs

Why don't you contact the FBI? An attorney is out to make money for themselves!! There isn't much money to be made going after someone that's going to end up jail. Maybe even the police. I'm sure there is some sort of legal office out there, that would be interested in going after this guy. There might already be a case against him and you'll be the gold star to get him hung out to dry!!

TOD

jconnor23

I have my mom right now who I am very close with, she has been with me through everything and had faith me in through all of it. I love her dearly and without her I would be quite lost. I am an only child though so no siblings.

tiredofdrugs- thank you. I have reported to the police the theft and the officer said to me "honestly this is probably just going to sit on a desk for a year and even then Im sure not much will be done about it." no, I wouldnt want to go back to the navy even if I could, it was entirely too stressful for me personally. Even though I did use anxiety and depression as an "excuse," looking back I'm not too sure how far that was from the actual truth. I am studying to be an architect right now and I love it. I also think it is what my father would have always wanted to see me do, he was a carpenter.

jconnor23

The FBI refused to open a case on this. they said there was nothing they could do. they asked me if I was still frightened for my life since he threatened me and I said no. Later on when he was telling me why he couldnt open the case he told me if I had said there was a threat that I could have.

artsoul

Well, hopefully you'll be able to pay for all the student loans and this horrible crazy IRS thing. (Architecture is something my daughter is interested in - and if I had to do it over again, something I may have gone into - or else play the violin! As it is I'm a starving artist, but very, very happy).

I don't know how you would manage to work if you're studying to be an architect. I hear it's worse than med school.......

Tiredofdrugs

Jake: I'm glad you have your mom to lean on and vice versa!

You seem to have gotten your feet back underneath yourself and is headed into a good paying career. Just stay on track with the direction you are headed in.

The military isn't for everyone. LOL I sure as hell couldn't have done the Navy. I'm no squid and don't do water. I was in the Army National Guard, but worked a lot of full time for years. So it felt like I was Active Duty Army. You could always transfer to another branch and do the reserve/guard side of it. But I'd wait until all these wars settle down!

But you are headed in a good direction, so I wouldn't do the military at all, if it stresses you out! My daughter and SIL are both AD Air Force. She's been in for 11 years. But she was raised with military parents in her life. Dad retired from AD Air Force.

Keep posting, you'll find a lot of support on the boards here. The Hen House is where I do most of my posting. It's open to anyone and you can talk about anything. And we do!!! LOL It's under the substance abuse section.

TOD

jconnor23

artsoul- ya, I hope I can pay the loans back too. I hope to god I dont have to pay the IRS, even though I havent gotten anywhere with this situation, somehow I manage to find faith that theres no way I will have to be held responsible in the end.

Architecture is definitely an insane endeavor I have chose. It's a risk and a complete change for me. the thing that has kept me on me on my feet this whole year has been pushing myself beyond what I believed I was able to do. needless to say, architecture continually tests me and pushes me, its a major that keeps me busy all day everyday.

thank you tod, I am very grateful everyday to have my mother so close to me in my life. most of the men in my family were also military, it just happened to not suit me well, at least at the time.