FernsDaughter

Have an adult son that is using opiates..found out he has been using for the past 2.5 years...he is also bipolar...was living with his girlfriend (also a user) and her Dad until last Sunday when he was kicked out...showed up at my door at 4AM. I managed to find an open bed at a rehab facility nearby... he stayed for 2 hours and walked out...went to his Dad's for a few hours then boomeranged back to my house at 10PM that night...I spent all week trying to get him back into another program..and get his bipolar meds refilled to stabilize...

This is very difficult because I know I am enabling him. Not only that -- when I have to take over with his care, I am not able to work because I get consumed with processes of trying to get him back in to see a doctor, get meds, etc. My husband is of the mind that I am using my son as a crutch so I can't work..if only he knew how much it saps my energy when this happens...the grief, worry, guilt, helplessness and so on...

Will try agai next week to find a rehab program and after that -- concentrate on what I need to do to continue with my life...

Thanks for letting me vent. All comments welcome.. thank you.

FT

Hi FernsDaughter:

As a 59 year old opiate user in recovery x 3+ months, I allowed my husband to enable me for the 2 years I was using, only to stop using when I called it myself. He begged me for months to stop. I lied and said I was tapering. I wasn't. I had to reach my bottom -- being sicker from the pills than they made me feel good -- that I finally stopped. If he had called me on my use and asked me to stop or leave.... I probably would have stopped. But he didn't.

I don't know if a parent has any more power than a spouse would, but probably less. I should know, I guess, as I enabled my sons for years and neither one stopped their abuses until they had reached what they considered bottom for them.

It's really painful to watch your kid use. And have no power. I don't think any amount of pleading, begging, bargaining, or anything but pulling all support, will work. Maybe not even that. I couldn't do it.

I don't know if this helps you to hear this. I think there is something like Al-Anon for NA. Someone here will probably tell you.

EmeraldRose

Just a question...does your son want to quit? He doesn't sound eager to be in rehab if he walked out. Do you keep trying to help and he stays on the rebelious side?
Just wondering.

least

Try posting on this forum for lots of experience and support.

Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Dee74

Welcome FernsDaughter

I'm very sorry for your situation.

I know you want to help your son, but as an addict I can tell you to recover he needs to want to help himself....

I hope he can find that within himself sooner than later.

I really hope you'll look in at our Family and Friends forum. You'll find a lot of support there

D

artsoul

Welcome FernsDaughter- I'm sorry to hear about your son. It's not uncommon for people with bipolar and other mental issues to self-medicate and/or become addicted. Does he have a psychiatrist that could reach out to him?

I hope he can get back on his meds and get some help. It's so hard on everyone, especially a parent I think........ I'll say a prayer for you both......

FernsDaughter

Thank you so much for your message. Yes - I know my son wants to quit and go to Rehab but he complained that the facility was dirty and his shoes were even stolen there...I saw the facility (not all of it) and it's certainly no the Ritz but it's not sleeping on the streets either. He also didn't like the fact that he couldn't smoke when he wanted to....

FernsDaughter

Thank you all so much for your messages of support... I will check out the other forum mentioned...