breezx

Hi guys. I'm new to this fourm, and fairly new to recovery. I don't have a sponsor yet or working the steps. I really need some advice about my boyfriend. This is a little info:

I'm 22, he is 23. We both don't have any job experience. I do work part time for my mother and go to community college. My boyfriend and I are both clean and sober for a year & 1/2 (from hard drugs, my boyfriend still smokes weed), we met in an NA meeting around the same time and been together from the day we met. We quickly fell deeply in love with each other from having a similar past. His mom was really controlling so we decided to move in to my parent's house where it's more laid back. We live in a studio behind my parents house. My parents never really bother us as long as I'm clean.

Here is my problem. Being with my boyfriend is GREAT, I love him so much, he is funny, sweet, affectionate, understanding. I see a future with him. But he has no motivation. I understand this because for a short time after I stopped using drugs, I was depressed and anxious, hell, I still am! But I still try to get out, work out, go to school. I'm trying to move forward. My boyfriend is stuck in the past. He often talks about the "good old times", he doesn't have a job (he has never had one since we met), he often has extreme anxiety to the point where he doesn't want to go out in public unless it's really late at night. I know he's got mental health issues preventing him from getting a job.

**He was NO confidence or social skills!!!** I feel so hopeless! I've tried to talk to him, encourage him to go back to NA meetings. It's to the point where I'm so worried about him that I'm missing meetings and school. We don't have any friends anymore because of the social anxiety. I feel like his behavior is rubbing off on me and I'm loosing confidence because of the lack of outside contact. And it's kind of sick that sometimes I feel completely fine being in the studio with him for days!

What should I do guys? I don't want to break up with him. I really love this guy. He just needs social skills, confidence and a job. How can I help him get this? I know he wants it too, he's just not sure what to do. Am I just co dependent? Please any advice.

Thanks
Bree

betterlate

Meth is used to treat ADD/ADHD in both children and adults. Do you think it's possible that your boyfriend was self-medicating with meth?

Desoxyn Official FDA information, side effects and uses.

breezx

Hey Betterlate,

Thanks for the reply. I'm sure he doesn't have add/adhd. I'm sure he has depression and anxiety. I'm just not sure how to help him. Maybe I'm co-dependent.

ste

When I smoked weed, I had no motivation either. Concerning the depression and anxiety, it would be best for him to see a doctor, and be honest. Maybe co-dependent?

Dee74

Hi breezx

Welcome to SR.

When your worries about you bf stop you from living your life, it's a problem I think.

If there's one thing I've learned, from both sides of the fence, is that I can't change anyone - they have to want to change....the drive has to come from them.

If your bf doesn't want to do anything about his situation, you have to decide what your response is to that I think...you have to decide whats healthy for you.

I hope you'll also check out family and friends forums here - I think you'll find a lot of insight and support there

Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

I don't know if you're ever been to Naranon either but that might be something else worth considering?

D

maccaovwillz

hi breezx, i am in a very similar situation as your boyfriend. i abused meth and now have a serious social phobia that stops me from going out the house. i have tried many supplements and would love to talk to you. can you reply to say you are still available and i will go into detail, with a bit of luck we might be able to help each other, thanks.

maccaovwillz

hi everyone, i have abused meth for about 3 years consistently. I have been clean now for almost 2 years. however, i have a serious social phobia that doesn't seem to go away. i am afraid of being in social situations with people i don't know and try to arrange my life so that i don't have to speak to anyone i don't know. if im in these types of situations on a bad day i will get extremely nervous and my heart will speed up and sometimes i have to battle to prevent a panic attack. furthermore, when walking down the street my mind always reacts as if everyone is watching me. even though logically i know it is not happening it's like my brain is independent of my mind. fear will start oozing out of my eyes, as if i cant control it. in fact, controlling fear is one of the main of my main symptoms. i will get scared for no reason and im not a weak person. im always fearing being analysed and when i think im being analysed i will start getting twitches that then make me worse because i think the person has seen the twitch and thinks im scared. also, i seem to lack adrenaline and alertness, i cant hold a conversation my mind seems to just shut down a start sounding like im stupid and weak. sometimes i have to raise my voice in a conversation and people think im being funny with them but im not thats because i have to force my brain to keep going and stay active so to speak. i have tried various products over the last 2 years. ive read that a lack of dopamine causes these symptoms but any product that raises dopamine (tyrosine, st johns wort, tongkat ali) seems to really aggravate my symptoms. i have read further that meth causes too much dopamine in some areas and not enough in others. this corresponds with schizophrenias positive and negative symptoms. the social phobia and people watching me are positive symptoms of schizophrenia and are caused by too much dopamine, thus why dopamine supplements aggravate them. not being able to hold a conversation and social withdrawal and lack interest in people that i have are negative symptoms caused by not enough dopamine. ive found glutamine really helps to relax the mind, as i used to get dizzy all the time and glutamine stops this but doesnt help with the other symptoms. tribulus terrestris really helps with nervousness and makes me feel more confident but it makes me angry all the time and i will sit their thinking of how much i hate someone to the point it will make me feel worn out, which i dont think is good for healing the brain. the best supplement i have come across so far and only recently is omega 3. i eat 2 tins of sardines a day that is 9 grams of omega 3. i have found it definately raises dopamine in the right areas because it allows me to better hold a conversation without my mind shutting down and makes me feel more alert and does this without aggravating the other symptoms mentioned. however, as i said i am still seriously suffering from the symptoms mentioned and am no where near the intelligent, funny and likable guy that i used to be before i started taking the stuff. i hope there are people who can relate to this and who this has even helped. but i am really interested in anyone who can give me any kind of advice. thanks.

slackie

I self medicated with weed during my "recovery" and in a simple formula.... weed=no motivation. I'm much better off now that I am medicated by a doctor and vitamins and completely drug free.

sugarbear1

the 12 steps helped me

Anna

I just wanted to add that having social anxiety is not the same as just needing social skills.

Social skills can be learned but the person will still have social anxiety. I think that it's something you can learn to live with and adapt to, but it's not as simple as learning social skills. And, it's something that your boyfriend will have to work hard on to overcome. Counselling would be a good place for him to start, and hopefully would lead to him being able to look for a job.

mwstylee

If he has no job, where does he get money to buy the weed?

Dee74

Hi maccaovwillz

you've bumped an old thread so there's some confusion in the replies
I never used meth but once - didn't like it - so I have no experience to share.

have you seen any kind of Dr? Maybe a medical opinion might help?

I'm sure others will chime in too - and you may like to read and post in our substance abuse forum as well

Substance Abuse - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

D

choublak

Maccao,

See an internal medicine specialist.

Dylusional

A