First post ...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Perth West Australia
Posts: 5
First post ...
Hi Folks
I'm a newbie here and this is my first post, so please be kind.
In a nutshell my love/hate relationship with alcohol started in my early 20's (I'm now 49). I drank initially because I loved the way it made me feel, a whole different person, confident, chatty even assertive. Of course I could not control my drinking and I spent most of the 1980's hopelessly drunk or very ill. I had a bad accident (alcohol related) in 1988 and actually gave up drinking for a few years. Started 'controlled' drinking again in 1997, only having mid-strength (3.5) beers on the weekends.
In the past twelve months I have vowed to stop drinking and have gone sober for five or six months at a time, but something drives me to drink, like it did on Saturday, and now I'm back to square one, feeling dreadfully guilty and ashamed.
I have proved that I can abstain completely, but it's so disappointing when I fall off the wagon, be interested to hear how other posters deal with these sorts of relapses.
Thanks for making this forum available and best wishes to all.
Cristian
I'm a newbie here and this is my first post, so please be kind.
In a nutshell my love/hate relationship with alcohol started in my early 20's (I'm now 49). I drank initially because I loved the way it made me feel, a whole different person, confident, chatty even assertive. Of course I could not control my drinking and I spent most of the 1980's hopelessly drunk or very ill. I had a bad accident (alcohol related) in 1988 and actually gave up drinking for a few years. Started 'controlled' drinking again in 1997, only having mid-strength (3.5) beers on the weekends.
In the past twelve months I have vowed to stop drinking and have gone sober for five or six months at a time, but something drives me to drink, like it did on Saturday, and now I'm back to square one, feeling dreadfully guilty and ashamed.
I have proved that I can abstain completely, but it's so disappointing when I fall off the wagon, be interested to hear how other posters deal with these sorts of relapses.
Thanks for making this forum available and best wishes to all.
Cristian
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Great Outdoors
Posts: 1,992
Welcome Mundaring! Try ..try...again! Lots of people have had a couple of times they had to reset their dates. Find out what didn't work for you and try something different. For me..I made it from August to October and let myself think I could have a couple of drinks at a birthday party I attended. WRONG. That turned into such a horrible drunkfest and I had been sober for six weeks..I hated being drunk again. I reset my date and accepted the fact that I will never be able to be any kind of controlled drinker. Not sure why we let ourselves think that. I have been drinking for 30 yrs..so as long as you learn and do something ..anything different you will be on your way. Accept that you can no longer drink. Glad you are here..
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome to the forum, Christian - this place has been a huge help for me and I know you'll get the same kind of support I did.
Have you done anything for support/help in the past? I know that I couldn't do this on my own......
I can relate to the attempts to moderate, as well as relapse after a period of sobriety. It's amazing how much alcoholics have in common. I broke so many promises to myself that I just ran out of denial, I guess. There's really no valid reason for us to have a drink and you already know that. So maybe it's just a matter of getting a stronger recovery plan so that you have the tools and support you need to avoid the relapse altogether.
You can do it - you've already show that........:ghug3
Have you done anything for support/help in the past? I know that I couldn't do this on my own......
I can relate to the attempts to moderate, as well as relapse after a period of sobriety. It's amazing how much alcoholics have in common. I broke so many promises to myself that I just ran out of denial, I guess. There's really no valid reason for us to have a drink and you already know that. So maybe it's just a matter of getting a stronger recovery plan so that you have the tools and support you need to avoid the relapse altogether.
You can do it - you've already show that........:ghug3
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
Hi Cristian
Good to see another Aussie here
Well the best I ever did 'not drinking' was 2 months, but I had a lot of attempts. I was always drawn back - for a lot of reasons drinking was always easier for me than dealing with the reasons why I drank.
Ultimately tho I got very sick and put myself in a lot of bad and dangerous situations. In the end I really had no choice but to get sober and stay that way....and I'm glad I did...I not only gave up something that was bad for me, but I've dealt with a lot of underlying demons and I've never been happier than I am now.
I think support is pretty important - you'll find this place is great....and you'll get an idea or two about where to find face to face support if you want that too
Welcome aboard
D
Good to see another Aussie here
Well the best I ever did 'not drinking' was 2 months, but I had a lot of attempts. I was always drawn back - for a lot of reasons drinking was always easier for me than dealing with the reasons why I drank.
Ultimately tho I got very sick and put myself in a lot of bad and dangerous situations. In the end I really had no choice but to get sober and stay that way....and I'm glad I did...I not only gave up something that was bad for me, but I've dealt with a lot of underlying demons and I've never been happier than I am now.
I think support is pretty important - you'll find this place is great....and you'll get an idea or two about where to find face to face support if you want that too
Welcome aboard
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 581
Welcome-- so many of us know the pain you are in.
You said you proved you could abstain, but kept falling off the wagon. Is that really successful abstinence?
In order for me to recover, I had to be cured of the delusion that I could control my drinking. Periods of abstinence were just that-- white-knuckled sobriety bookended by horrifying relapses. I was forever living on the edge of another drink. One day at a time. It was always just a matter of time before I relapsed.
If you believe you may be powerless over alcohol, AA provides a program of spiritual growth whereby you find a solution to alcoholism. If you believe you have power over alcohol, and it's just about finding the right mix of willpower and behavioral change, then there are other programs that I'm sure can help you.
You said you proved you could abstain, but kept falling off the wagon. Is that really successful abstinence?
In order for me to recover, I had to be cured of the delusion that I could control my drinking. Periods of abstinence were just that-- white-knuckled sobriety bookended by horrifying relapses. I was forever living on the edge of another drink. One day at a time. It was always just a matter of time before I relapsed.
If you believe you may be powerless over alcohol, AA provides a program of spiritual growth whereby you find a solution to alcoholism. If you believe you have power over alcohol, and it's just about finding the right mix of willpower and behavioral change, then there are other programs that I'm sure can help you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
Yeah, I'm right there with you guys. I'd go from "functioning alcoholic" to non-drinker, to an outward "moderate drinker" - until everyone went to bed, then back to alcoholic, and round and round. It is remarkable how we all have the same experience with a substance.
I think it really speaks to the fact that we're all alcoholics (DANG IT!!). I'd love to not be an alcoholic. But the truth is I just am. I heard a guy there other day compare it to being diabetic. I'd never heard that analogy before but it makes a ton of sense. Diabetics will be told they have to lay off sweets, but some don't, and some literally die. The same is true for us. None of us will ever have a problem with alcohol again if we simply don't take the first drink. Easy right?
Not really... that is the trick. Figuring out how to live in this world and not take that drink that provides so much immediate ease and comfort. For me, that is where AA and this site come in.
I wish you the best. Just know you're not alone. We're all trying to stay sober one day at a time. Stay with it man!!!
I think it really speaks to the fact that we're all alcoholics (DANG IT!!). I'd love to not be an alcoholic. But the truth is I just am. I heard a guy there other day compare it to being diabetic. I'd never heard that analogy before but it makes a ton of sense. Diabetics will be told they have to lay off sweets, but some don't, and some literally die. The same is true for us. None of us will ever have a problem with alcohol again if we simply don't take the first drink. Easy right?
Not really... that is the trick. Figuring out how to live in this world and not take that drink that provides so much immediate ease and comfort. For me, that is where AA and this site come in.
I wish you the best. Just know you're not alone. We're all trying to stay sober one day at a time. Stay with it man!!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Welcome Mundaring...I drank as a teen for fun, but like you I started drinking in my 20's and just quit at 47 on January 28th because like a dumbass went on a binge and thought I could be productive at work. So that was it -never again!
It can be done...with help...here, or AA or even a counselor if you prefer. But having support and someone to talk to is key.
Being stoned for 30 years I lost myself completely...lost feelings, lost emotions, lost my desire to be completely indulged in real life. I'm not a religous person, per se, but have a strong spiritual belief. I believe everything happens for a reason and within its own time, every mistake is a learning process and leads you one step further to growing within yourself.
Wishing you happiness.
It can be done...with help...here, or AA or even a counselor if you prefer. But having support and someone to talk to is key.
Being stoned for 30 years I lost myself completely...lost feelings, lost emotions, lost my desire to be completely indulged in real life. I'm not a religous person, per se, but have a strong spiritual belief. I believe everything happens for a reason and within its own time, every mistake is a learning process and leads you one step further to growing within yourself.
Wishing you happiness.
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