Jil

So tonight was the first time I have gone to the bar sober. It was a friends birthday, and originally I was just going to go to dinner. I got convinced into going to the bar, where she had bottle service. People were constantly handing over free shots, and I kept turning them down. I feel extremely proud of myself. However, I obviously didn't have as much fun as I normally would have if I were drinking. Does this ever change? I really hope so. Seeing everyone drinking and having a good time was pretty hard, but the fact that I was able to bear it makes me so much stronger.

spen71

Firstly well done for not drinking.
Secondly I know how it is so hard, I used to feel so miserable when this happened (used to end up relapsing). I was on holday on one attempt and everyone kept asking me why the face as I was trying so hard to not drink.

Belier

Jil, well done, it is so worth it!

LaFemme

Congrats and well done!

For me this realization he?ps:

Were the people you were with having fun because they were celeebrating a special day with their friends and alcohol just happened to be present or were they having fun because they were drinking?

Taking5

I had to change my playground (bar rooms) and playmates (drinking buddies) to achieve any long term sobriety. You might consider this.

MsCooterBrown

I too changed people and places. Recently I had a friend pass through and the meeting place he picked was at the bar. I stayed for a few rounds but left early. I drank club soda w/grapefruit. I was also at a Superbowl party. I do ok..I leave early because of the insanity... It seems after the 1st few rounds it gets louder and louder. People no longer listen to what each other has to say. They start talking over each other..It is fine when you are drinking. I am sure I did this as well. But not so much fun when you are not keeping up..That was my observation anyway.

FrothyJay

I believe the disease of alcoholism is cunning. There were many times that I would go out with friends and not drink and believe that I had succeeded. Then a time would come that suddenly I could no longer win that battle, and I would drink.

The problem with alcoholism is not stopping, it's staying stopped. We get slammed by suddenly moments. And afterwards, we're baffled-- what happened to my willpower and my resolve?

So-- good for you in your efforts. But if you truly want it to get easier, to recover from the madness, then you need to deal with your insides-- the wiring that got you into this predicament.

Alcoholics Anonymous is just that-- a spiritual program of recovery.

CarolD

I'm glad you did not drink....

I found hanging out in bars very boreing after I quit drinking.
I felt like I was alone in a crowd.
The whole deal. was a turn off...and bars smell really

My new AA friends and I did all sorts of interesting fun things outside of meetings.
I did need a new social circle ..we stayed sober together
Yes...my life has gotten better without the bar scene...

Inafishbowl

Jil, I feel your worry and your frustration. I am very close with my family. They are all drinkers. I avoided the big annual St Patrick's day party last night because I knew I'd pout. For now I'm avoiding those situations, although I won't be able to forever. Good for you for staying strong. I'm trusting it will get easier. But for now go easy on yourself and do whatever you gotta do to keep this up.

EmeraldRose

That's great...I can't imagine how hard that could be since I am not a bar person. Hopefully, they realize you are serious now and don't pressure you. Good Job!!

micealc

Congradulations Jil,..................A bar /Lounge/Party/Disco/Dance/Clubs/where the focus is Alcohol is not a nice place to be.I would not do what you did too often.....stick it out...id get out,its not a place for a non drinker,for the time been anyhow.
I wont go to bars unless I really Have too, and thats not often now.
I used to Play Music In Bars.......I had to give that up too.
You've Seen what happens to most people when they Drink Alcohol,They Get Louder,Brasher,More Everything.
I have come to the Stage where I have Accepted I can not Drink Alcohol.
A good friend of Mine in AA went back on the Alcohol before Christmas,he died 2 months ago.........Big reminder for me to Protect myself,with AA,ACA,NA,And Forums like this one.

Myself and My Wife go to Places where the Focus is Enjoyment..Real Enjoyment....We attend a Dance Each week in a Hotel.....All that the People there drink is Water or Minerals........Crazy but True........and we have a ball.
There are loads of Places that you can have fun without Alcohol....you will find them if you look.Happy Paddys Day to All.

SomethingBetter

I recently went to a friends house were we usually drink, I said I'd come over but would not drink, " I given it up for good this time".

It was very different, I seen beers being drank, they showed me some home aid wine and someone even stuck some expensive Vodka in my face for me to smell, "see what your missing?"

That's when I left, went home and played xbox with my grown children, watched tv with my wife and finaly finished a book called "Confessions of an Alcoholic".

For me it got better once I left...

ReadyAndAble

I've gone out with friends to bars, but only when I knew that alcohol was going to be a sideshow, not the main event. I establish if they're going to check out a band, to talk about an issue in their lives, or basically just to drink—then I decide.

Most of my friends are normal drinkers, but occasionally they're going out primarily because they're in the mood to throw back a few. I skip those events—not because I feel like it's a big struggle to resist, but because I've discovered that people are not more clever and interesting when they drink. They were apparently just more clever and interesting when I drank...

micealc

I've discovered that people are not more clever and interesting when they drink. They were apparently just more clever and interesting when I drank...

Great One

ChicoState

This is what I am scared of, but it has to be done. I'm hoping my buddies can be supportive, but I've been through this before and they have proven not to be...

LexieCat

I think, in general, it's a bad idea to go out to bars, especially with old drinking buddies, in early recovery.

Eventually it won't be a problem to go out with friends when it's for a good reason, and when you're solid in your sobriety. But until then, it seems to just kinda be asking for trouble.

AmericanGirl

Hi Jil!

I agree with what a lot of people are saying . . . bars are fundamentally organized around the idea of drinking. So concentrate on developing new hobbies, etc, where drinking is either not involved or is only a secondary thing.

I've only been in a bar once since I quit, which certainly felt weird, because it was a place I used to go 1-3 times a week when I was drinking. Without drinking it felt incredibly boring . . . I don't plan to go again. I do organize non-drinking activities with friends -- getting lunch, hanging out more generally, doing crafts projects together . . .

There are occasions where I do have to be around drinking, though -- family holidays, for example (the only way to avoid it would be to separate from my family). It's gotten easier, definitely. So, yes, it will be easier to be around drinking, but I think it's very wise to avoid exposing yourself to those environments until you feel very strong in your recovery.

artsoul

Hi Jil - I took a good few months before I was able to be around alcohol again. And yes, it does get easier as we get stronger in our sobriety.

On the other hand, it's probably going to get harder to enjoy yourself in that atmosphere. MsCooterBrown said it well: people get loud and stupid. They laugh because their IQ goes downhill, not because something is truly funny. The conversations deteriorate until they're not even interesting anymore and people say/do stuff they may take back the next day.

The first time I went out after being sober and saw a few folks getting wasted it was almost painful. I could only count my blessings.......

I still see my friends - I just see them when they're not drinking (for the most part). All the best...... and a huge congratulations for getting through the evening!!

uniblab

Congratulations on standing firm....not easily accomplished. What I'm finding is that I'm generally bored being around the old crowd that is used to sitting around drinking unless there is some activity to be involved with. Naturally, that has lead me to pursue my own interests that don't involve drinking (ie., athletics, professional functions, etc.). And guess what is happening? I'm spending time with different people, developing new relationships, and directing my attention to other things that are now important to my changed lifestyle. Scary? A little, but I'm now in control and living life how I envision that I want to.

Best of luck...you're worth your efforts.

Danae

I found it helped once I reframed my social life.

So...instead of feeling that being sober was going to rob me of a chance to hang in bars with friends, I realized how much I was adding to my life (and enjoying it more) by seeking out situations with more real interaction and fun.

It took a bit of doing (like learning a new skill) but was worth it.

I really haven't lost anything. And now I don't miss it either.