Snarf

Hi Mel, and thanks for joining us! This site is a great place, with tons of wonderful people who have lots of experience and support to share with you. I too used to drink myself to sleep nearly every night, and I always woke up feeling crappy. Now I actually put myself to bed rather than passing out on the couch, and I'm never hung over!

I'm glad you made the decision to get the alcohol out of your life. I've yet to meet someone who has made that decision and stuck to it only to regret it later. I know that every aspect of my life has improved since I got rid of the booze, and I can't wait to see the rewards that I've yet to experience.

Again, thanks for being here. I hope you hang around.

sismel2011

Thanks, well today has started on a better foot. My son and I finally got to sit down and talk without daughter in law, we shared and said where we were each hurting and both said sorry. Daughter in law's problem is she wants me around just enough but not too much... neither my son or I know how to figure this one out. She is angry right now so will let her rant and rave till she is exhausted, maybe then she will be resonable. I will not count on it but I know for me I need to get away from the stress she is putting on me.

I am going to try to get loan for getting out of house before the 1st, I really do not want to stay in such a hostile environment.

EmeraldRose

Where there's a will, there's a way. Good for you for making such a decision to move. You don't need any added stress right now to help you drink. Heck, we can do that with 'alittle' stress -why add to it?! LOL
My husband and I are separated...it's ok...life goes on and I have to be there 100% to MAKE it work. This is no time for failure which mean, forget booze!
Everything is becoming clearer and today I am bursting at the seams and I don't know why. Life is good...when you're NOT drinking!

sismel2011

Thanks EmeraldRose, I found a meeting to go to tonight but the only phone number to call is if you are in crisis which I am not. I am hoping it is ok for me to just show up, it is a beginners meeting, so here's hoping.

sailorjohn

Welcome!!!!


Have yet to attend a meeting where you needed an invitation.

sismel2011

thanks sailorjohn, I did make meeting and managed to get to the only smoking group around! lol I have allergies to smoke so was not good for my breathing but was not going to leave because I finally got the nerve to go. I met some really good people and have contact phone numbers if I need them now.

LexieCat

Wow, I don't think there are ANY smoking meetings left around here!

Sorry you had to breathe through one, but glad you went and found it a good experience, otherwise. Be sure and get a meeting list--I was always finding people willing to tell me where their favorite meetings are.

Good for you, for getting out there!

sismel2011

It helped me to make it through drama that happened last night that should not have been drama. I prayed instead of running to store, miserable night of sleep but I am glad I did not go for beer. I stayed at home and read the book that meeting gave me. I understand alot more about myself now and know why I can not be like other people. I wish I had understood this years ago.

sailorjohn

My first time through, back in the late 80's, there were still some smoking meetings, remember the smoke being so thick your eyes would burn.

Stunned to read they still actually have smoking meetings-anywhere!

Btw, pretty sure most of the meetings where you live are smoke-free.

sismel2011

thanks sailorjohn, I now know that most meetings are smoke free... I just happended to pick wrong one.

Todays update it I found my apartment! It has ac and a dishwasher! I signed for it today and got keys... now to move stuff out of my son's house without more drama...

mtnmagic

Hi Mel - Just wanted to welcome you to SR. You've come to a great place
for support. I have 58 days sober. This place is a lifesaver for me.

Congratulations on taking such strong steps towards your recovery. I see
you have attended a meeting and gotten yourself a new place to call home.
I think that is wonderful you are taking care of you.

sismel2011

thanks mtnmagic! I almost cracked today and went to store... but in the end I did not get it. I got food for new home and sat in my new apartment to calm down before I drove to my sons house to sleep for the night.

What I was so upset about was he and his wife used me and my car insurance to get tags for their new car but when it came to paying for it they only paid half. Tonight they expected me to pay full phone bill to keep phone on but they still have not paid me the rest of insurance. I pointed this out to my son and he is telling me that he does not want more drama! I was shaking I was so mad that he would accuse me of it, I have been nice all week and let her little "adjustments" to my living space go without me blowing up. I remembered from meeting to breath and calm down... ok so it took me from 10pm till 1:30am to calm down... but I did it without drinking!

sismel2011

update... after more drama I managed to get my things... all except my microwave and some frozen food out. I am really sad that no other resolution could be reached. A church friend told me to look my son in the eyes and tell him I loved him as I left, I did manage it and he barely lifted his head to look at me. My heart ripped from my chest but I walked away... I wish I could tell you I stayed strong... but I did not. I have been trying to numb this pain since.

llora32

Hi my name is lora and i like to take pills not all kinds of pills just pain pills and anxiety ones. It is time for me to get some help this is my first time doing this and i really dont know what to say.....i will take all the advice given if need be. i need help and can not do it alone. I have a bf who is emotionally n verbally abusive to me,and until now i didn't even know it.
I hope everyone welcomes me i am a very nice person and ready to learn how this is done.


lora

llora32

IN MY LIFE I SOMETIMES TRY AND KID MYSELF JUST TAKE ONE MORE PILL AND YOU WILL FILL REAL GOOD BUT WHEN THE HIGH IS GONE. SOMETIMES GUILT SETS IN BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT I HAVE DONE TO MYSELF THEN I WANT MORE WHICH IS BAD. SOMETIMES I FEEL SO MUCH FEAR OUT IN THE WORLD IF I AM NOT STONED OR NUMB n sometimes i just want it to all go away forever,

sismel2011

llora, I have been where you are and am getting stronger. Welcome to SR! Sorry it has taken me a few days to get back in here.

These past few days have not been easy but I did manage to get through. I am starting day 1 again, this time I am going to make my life happy without drinking to numb it. I want it for me and no one else.

I feel very alone in my new place but I know I have many friends that would come visit if I asked.

sismel2011

You can do this too, find a support group in your area but do not stop posting here... I have found they are a life saver and many keep me sane. huggs

sismel2011

Hi everyone, sorry it has been so long. I am not doing so good in my new place but am better off than living with my son and his family. I have this big apartment and hardly enough to furnish it, loneliness sets in and I want to feel numb again. My son has cut off all contact with me (his birthday is on the 17th), even deleting me from his friends list on facebook.

A dear friend is in the hospital on resperator, I visited him yesterday and watched as his 18 year old daughter struggled to keep composure. It reminded me of when my family had to let go of my dad because he went into a coma and could not breath on his own, so we had to let go because he had a living will. Nothing has been as hard as watchig my dad take his final breath, but seeing Dave yesterday in similar state ripped my heart out.

I am back here because I want things to be different in my life but I know I can not do it alone and am feeling so alone right now.

sismel2011

How many times to start day one and actually go for it? I have no idea but I know if I don't... then I will die alone and no one will care to check on me for days.

I need a way to not make excuse to stop by the store on the way home.

doggonecarl

You are powerless over drink, but the strength to not take that first drink resides within you. We can always find a reason to drink. Reasons don't change; you can only control how you react. Seek help!