Ozgirl

Thanks for all the support guys, I went back to AA today and am going to continue to go everyday. I can't go to rehab at the moment but am going to investigate if my health insurance will cover a day group program at a local rehab in addition to my AA meetings. This relapse was horrible but at least I know realize without a doubt that I am an alcoholic and cannot moderate. It was like I was possessed as soon as I tasted it. This condition is very progressive, I had complete blackout after only 3 drinks. I know that is a very bad sign. I am counting today as day 1, it is Sunday and I drank on Friday, but i don't know what time I stopped, it would have been early Saturday morning. I shared at my meeting today but broke down in tears. Everyone was very supportive about it.

BurningChrome

Just _always_ remember... That FIRST drink is ALL it takes to impair your better judgement. Once you drink it.... All bets are off and odds are, you will get blotted and drunk beyond belief, as we have ALL done in the past. That First drink is ALL it takes to get the ball rolling so to speak.... Easy answer (but hard to do), don't take that First drink!

littlefish

Farmer wrote: "I hate being labeled an alcoholic, I just hate it."
That comment intrigued me, and BTW, nice to see you again farmer!

I am not really labeled because I preserve my anonymity very carefully.
Almost nobody knows that I go to AA and don't drink. My family knows and one of my good friends knows because he walked into an AA room 1 year after I did. My "normie" friends haven't really caught on that I am not drinking because I am usually the designated driver, and I have used "conflicting meds" as an excuse frequently...and generally, I have discovered in sobriety the shocking truth that I am not the center of the universe and nobody really cares if I am drinking or not.

I am okay with having the disease of alcoholism because it is not something I've signed up for. I am one of those who believes that I was born an alcoholic. I have never drank normally. My drinking was abnormal from the get go.

I didn't sign up for diabetes or high blood cholesterol either. I don't feel guilty about having the disease of alcoholism because I believe it is a disease.

cabledude

Sounds awful Ozgirl, but classic.

Sure you've read here how the desperate experiment went for others, and rest assured alcoholics will read your experience and discount it the same way you did the other experimenters, that 'it may have happened to them but it won't happen to me.'

It sure saved me a lot of trouble to view the things that happened to other alcoholics as very possible for me too, meaning both the good things and bad things.

So, if I watch and listen to some guy who's getting good results from doing some things in AA, I know I could follow suit and expect similar results. If I see someone suffering from the choices they make in sobriety I know that's trouble avoided if I don't copy him.

I know that doing AA the way my sponsor exemplified has worked great for 39 years for him, and though I'm only 28 I should be good for at least another 10+ years doing it this way. Hell, by then the guy might be pushing 50yrs sober, who knows? Doing all the AA stuff might work my entire lifetime if that proves to be so.

If I was copying someone with 3.596 weeks who was on the ragged edge of things, how confident could I be?

Get back and get the help you need to do it right.

LexieCat

Glad you're "back with the program".

Don't worry too much about what day your "sobriety date" is. I count from the day of my last drink, as do some others, and some people count from their first day sober. Pick whichever day is more meaningful to you.

Fandy

i've been there too...and learned from it...there simply is not enought wine in the world to satisfy me....i can't moderate, it's like playing a nasty trick on myself.

in a sense it was a relief to figure that out.

welcome back and feel better today.