Hello guys
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Jackson, MS
Posts: 1
Hello guys
Hello to everyone on this forum. I am a newcomer to here and I just got clean again. I am in hopes that this forum can really contribute to helping me stay sober. Sometimes it's nice to have someone around even when I'm at home alone on the computer. Anyways, for anyone interested, I will tell a little about myself and my story.
My name is Clay, I'm 18, and I am from Jackson, MS. I grew up in a pretty wealthy home, never deprived as a kid. My parents divorced early on and I lived with my grandma until I was 11. I drank for the first time when I was 13. I remember at 14 my stepmom finding some beer caps in my room and telling me about alcoholism. She explained that it ran in my family, and that drinking would set off a "trigger" in my brain and I wouldn't be able to stop. She told me that if I was already trying it at that age, it was likely that I was going to have this problem and that I really needed to not do it anymore. I didn't think much of it though and by high school I was smoking pot and got interested in pills. Anyways I will try to make this kinda short even though there are many interesting details. I went to rehab my first time at 16 when my parents found out I had been snorting pain killers in May of 09 for 40 days. I relapsed soon after I got out really bad on alcohol and ended up getting expelled from my high school. I ended up in a residential treatment center in September of 09 for 8 months. I got out in May of 2010 and started going to AA meetings. I got a sponsor and did the whole recovery thing for a couple months, but then I started college in August of 2010 and my sobriety came to an end 4 days short of my 1 year clean. I met an amazing girl around this time who attends MSU which is about 2 hours away, so we have only seen each other on the weekends. I worked myself back into active addiction and got bad into pills again and I started to do coke. On New Years Eve, everything came to a head and my girlfriend found out what I'd been doing. In pain and not wanting to lose her, I went to my parents and told them that I needed to go back to AA. That lasted a couple of weeks, but soon I relapsed again. Between mid January and now, I lost 20 pounds and worked myself into a very harsh cocaine addiction.I spent all of my money on it and now I am back to square 1. After puking up coke and blood and bile, I decided it was time to do this for real. I went to a meeting yesterday and today, and for the first time in my life I actually want to get and stay sober for ME. Not for my parents, not for my girlfriend, but because I know if I don't I am gonna ******* die!
I don't expect anyone to read that, I know it is kind of long. I guess it's hard to slow down after you get started on a bit of your story. But anyways, I plan to come around quite a bit and try to help you guys and get help from you as well. I am going through a really ****** time and it is not easy. But I want to live. Anyways, good to be here!
My name is Clay, I'm 18, and I am from Jackson, MS. I grew up in a pretty wealthy home, never deprived as a kid. My parents divorced early on and I lived with my grandma until I was 11. I drank for the first time when I was 13. I remember at 14 my stepmom finding some beer caps in my room and telling me about alcoholism. She explained that it ran in my family, and that drinking would set off a "trigger" in my brain and I wouldn't be able to stop. She told me that if I was already trying it at that age, it was likely that I was going to have this problem and that I really needed to not do it anymore. I didn't think much of it though and by high school I was smoking pot and got interested in pills. Anyways I will try to make this kinda short even though there are many interesting details. I went to rehab my first time at 16 when my parents found out I had been snorting pain killers in May of 09 for 40 days. I relapsed soon after I got out really bad on alcohol and ended up getting expelled from my high school. I ended up in a residential treatment center in September of 09 for 8 months. I got out in May of 2010 and started going to AA meetings. I got a sponsor and did the whole recovery thing for a couple months, but then I started college in August of 2010 and my sobriety came to an end 4 days short of my 1 year clean. I met an amazing girl around this time who attends MSU which is about 2 hours away, so we have only seen each other on the weekends. I worked myself back into active addiction and got bad into pills again and I started to do coke. On New Years Eve, everything came to a head and my girlfriend found out what I'd been doing. In pain and not wanting to lose her, I went to my parents and told them that I needed to go back to AA. That lasted a couple of weeks, but soon I relapsed again. Between mid January and now, I lost 20 pounds and worked myself into a very harsh cocaine addiction.I spent all of my money on it and now I am back to square 1. After puking up coke and blood and bile, I decided it was time to do this for real. I went to a meeting yesterday and today, and for the first time in my life I actually want to get and stay sober for ME. Not for my parents, not for my girlfriend, but because I know if I don't I am gonna ******* die!
I don't expect anyone to read that, I know it is kind of long. I guess it's hard to slow down after you get started on a bit of your story. But anyways, I plan to come around quite a bit and try to help you guys and get help from you as well. I am going through a really ****** time and it is not easy. But I want to live. Anyways, good to be here!
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi Clay - glad you're here and have decided to get sober for you this time. Addiction only gets worse (in every possible way), and there's no real hope of a future even if it doesn't kill us immediately.
This is a great source of support - we're here for each other.......
One day at a time - you can do it!
This is a great source of support - we're here for each other.......
One day at a time - you can do it!
totfit
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Ft Collins, CO
Posts: 1,273
Clay,
One thing for sure, if you can grab hold of sobriety at this point you will have a full life ahead of you. That is something I would look forward to if I were you. It will be full of opportunities, disappointments, happiness, sadness, and your eyes will be wide open for all of it. You can look back on your early struggles as a "learning" and "growth" experience. I won't bore you with the details of what may lay ahead if you don't fully grab this opportunity, but likely it will not be pleasant. Take this chance. Do it for yourself, cause you are worth it. As you go down the road of like, don't hesitate to share this experience with someone that might need it.
One thing for sure, if you can grab hold of sobriety at this point you will have a full life ahead of you. That is something I would look forward to if I were you. It will be full of opportunities, disappointments, happiness, sadness, and your eyes will be wide open for all of it. You can look back on your early struggles as a "learning" and "growth" experience. I won't bore you with the details of what may lay ahead if you don't fully grab this opportunity, but likely it will not be pleasant. Take this chance. Do it for yourself, cause you are worth it. As you go down the road of like, don't hesitate to share this experience with someone that might need it.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,473
Clay, I read all of your post and am really glad that you joined us.
Believe me, most of us arrived here feeling beaten down and lost. But, when you look around the boards you will find that there is lots and lots of hope. It's not easy, but deciding to get sober for yourself is a huge step.
Believe me, most of us arrived here feeling beaten down and lost. But, when you look around the boards you will find that there is lots and lots of hope. It's not easy, but deciding to get sober for yourself is a huge step.
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
ClayI too read all your post and as I was reading it I though wow now that is my story except of course add 40 years
It is really scary how the progression of this disease is and I went even further down after I did all that you wrote I got into pills then Heroin.
So they say in AA you can have any bottom you want so hopefuly this is yours and you don't have to keep going down that road to hell
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: central n00bistan
Posts: 121
Living is good, no, scratch that, living is GREAT. Glad you're ready to live 
This board is always here to help support you. Like AA, there's lots of great people who understand exactly what you're up against because they fight the same battle.
You can do this
This board is always here to help support you. Like AA, there's lots of great people who understand exactly what you're up against because they fight the same battle.
You can do this
Editor
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Pensacola, Florida
Posts: 1,516
Welcome Clay. Wow 18. That is awesome. I wish that I had the strength to look for help way back then. Good for you. You can do this. Everyday I lean on this forum for that little something special to keep me going. Hang tough. It is a journey.day by day.
You are not alone.
You are not alone.
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