please tell me "one day at a time" will sink in.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
Like Smacked, I felt relief too.
I had almost lost my family, my health, everything that mattered to me. Giving up alcohol seemed like a miniscule price to pay to have those things.
I had almost lost my family, my health, everything that mattered to me. Giving up alcohol seemed like a miniscule price to pay to have those things.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 507
I'm with you, Inafishbowl. I've been in a sulky, crabby depression for weeks now. In fact, my outpatient rehab counselor insisted I meet with him today to discuss it. I just don't feel the happiness I'm "supposed" to feel. I'm irritated all the time and can't seem to find any joy in my days. It's tough. Really tough. I'm not drinking because at least I know it won't make me feel better. But at this point it would be tough to feel worse...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 150
Originally Posted by silly 
I just don't feel the happiness I'm "supposed" to feel.
"Do these crabby pants make my ass look fat?"SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
When you have crabby pants, make crabby patties (compliments of Sponge Bob, for those in the US).......
Several things went through my mind when I had those bad days.......
1. Read, read, read on SR...... until you KNOW it won't we worth going back to drinking.
2. See a doctor/psychiatrist if you can't deal with things (a lot of us have problems with depression, ADD, bipolar, anxiety, and immature emotional responses if we've been drinking a long time).
3. Think positive - give yourself a LOT of TLC and a LOT of credit for going 40 days. That's a good chunk of time for an alcoholic!!
4. Make a gratitude list. Do you have a roof over your head today? Some people don't.
5. Think long and hard about where you COULD be: facing DUI's, liver disease, even losing your life to alcohol. You have a terminal illness, but it's in remission right now. That's a really really good thing.
6. It's OK to feel not OK. Nothing lasts forever, including bad times and good times.
Those are just a few of the thoughts I use to get beyond the alcoholic side of me..... there's also prayer and "keeping the faith" if you're so inclined.
I hope things turn around for you soon.
Several things went through my mind when I had those bad days.......
1. Read, read, read on SR...... until you KNOW it won't we worth going back to drinking.
2. See a doctor/psychiatrist if you can't deal with things (a lot of us have problems with depression, ADD, bipolar, anxiety, and immature emotional responses if we've been drinking a long time).
3. Think positive - give yourself a LOT of TLC and a LOT of credit for going 40 days. That's a good chunk of time for an alcoholic!!
4. Make a gratitude list. Do you have a roof over your head today? Some people don't.
5. Think long and hard about where you COULD be: facing DUI's, liver disease, even losing your life to alcohol. You have a terminal illness, but it's in remission right now. That's a really really good thing.
6. It's OK to feel not OK. Nothing lasts forever, including bad times and good times.
Those are just a few of the thoughts I use to get beyond the alcoholic side of me..... there's also prayer and "keeping the faith" if you're so inclined.
I hope things turn around for you soon.
Laozi Old Man
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 6,665
Originally Posted by Inafishbowl
...When does it soak in? I accept I am an alcoholic. But I can't stop marinating in NOT wanting to be one. I know it's pointless. But it's 
and it's really effing with my head.
and it's really effing with my head.I came to think of ODAAT as the equivalent to 1st gear in a car or truck - a great way to start off but a good way to blow up an engine.
When I began to place principles before personality (my personality), an amazing thing happened - I no longer worried about the number of days behind me nor the number of days ahead of me.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
You don't get happy right away, and nobody expects you to (well, except maybe non-alcoholics who don't "get" it). I look at it the way Drac does, not drinking is forever, but I can only LIVE a day at a time. I can only deal with what is facing me today.
The "happy" part comes as a result of the Step work. It cleans out all that crud that is cutting you off from your HP and the ability to feel that "happy, joyous and free" stuff. The way you are feeling is NORMAL for an alcoholic at your stage of recovery. My sponsor was fond of saying, "You're right where you're supposed to be." Which is highly annoying to hear when she says it, but when I think about it, it really is true.
Keep pluggin' away. I would also echo, "Where are you in your Step work right now?"
The "happy" part comes as a result of the Step work. It cleans out all that crud that is cutting you off from your HP and the ability to feel that "happy, joyous and free" stuff. The way you are feeling is NORMAL for an alcoholic at your stage of recovery. My sponsor was fond of saying, "You're right where you're supposed to be." Which is highly annoying to hear when she says it, but when I think about it, it really is true.
Keep pluggin' away. I would also echo, "Where are you in your Step work right now?"
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 139
Now for me...I envy those regular people who don't overdo it nd know when to stop. Right or wrong, that's how I feel. I want to be one of them, big time...always have. Not drinking is the closest thing to them I can be. Ya know what...I embrace normalcy. That will be one of many things to keep me on the right track.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 873
When I quit, I told myself that it was an experiment. As in, "let's see how long I can go and how it changes my life." I never said I'd never drink again or there wouldn't have been a day 1.
But after a while, even though sobriety so far (day 67) has not been easy, I started to slowly get my head around the concept of never drinking again. I'm still reserving the right to change my mind but right now I don't want to drink and I can envision myself being sober for years to come.
But after a while, even though sobriety so far (day 67) has not been easy, I started to slowly get my head around the concept of never drinking again. I'm still reserving the right to change my mind but right now I don't want to drink and I can envision myself being sober for years to come.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 264
Originally Posted by Supercrew
My question to you would be, "why do you want to drink?"
If you didn't want to you wouldn't be crabby and depressed.
If you didn't want to you wouldn't be crabby and depressed.
I think what triggered me today is the weather. It's warm and sunny in So.Cal today. It's a perfect day to sit in the sun and sip some wine. Never again. This must be what it's like to divorce an abusive husband whom you still love. Crap!
Everybody else, especially NEO. Thank you. You are wise.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 264
My sponsor was fond of saying, "You're right where you're supposed to be." Which is highly annoying to hear when she says it, but when I think about it, it really is true.
Keep pluggin' away. I would also echo, "Where are you in your Step work right now?"
Keep pluggin' away. I would also echo, "Where are you in your Step work right now?"
As for the sponsor. I got a new one because the first one was to soft and sweet. As you can tell, I'm a pain in the ass. I just got a new one. Already she's changed my sobriety date to a week later because that was my first AA meeting. So technically now I'm 35 days according to her. HMPH! She's starting me over on Step one and I haven't done anything except buy the notebooks she asked me to buy. And I don't know what the protocol is usually, but she's asking for a hell of a lot of work in step 1.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: central n00bistan
Posts: 121
Originally Posted by Inafishbowl
she's asking for a hell of a lot of work in step 1.
Well, step one is admitting we are powerless over alcohol and that our lives have become unmanageable.
In opening this thread, you state that:
I can't get my brain out of the enormity of this commitment to NEVER drink again. I may not be obsessing on actually taking a drink. But I am obsessing about the enormity of "for the rest of my life".
In early sobriety I was like a little kid bargaining with a parent: "please buy me a puppy and I promise I'll eat all my veggies forever!". Then a week later, there I am thinking how unfair 'making me promise' like that is and thinking about how to sneak my broccoli to the dog...
alive today
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: roebling nj
Posts: 8
today is a once in a lifetime chance
When you come to realize you only have today it can be a little hard to accept. Tomorrow is not promised its a gift. So just work things out one day at a time and things will start to be a little easier for you. All we have is today. Make the best of it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 426
Originally Posted by Inafishbowl
Never again. This must be what it's like to divorce an abusive husband whom you still love.
No advice, but wishing you peace of mind. (I am right where you are in struggling with these thoughts right now.)
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Originally Posted by Boleo
When I began to place principles before personality (my personality), an amazing thing happened - I no longer worried about the number of days behind me nor the number of days ahead of me.
Early on though, even if you've got a good first step, it is freakin' hard, frightening and worrisome...
How will I....
... Get through St. Patrick's Day?
... Go to dinner with friends?
... Have fun on vacation, well, have any fun at all ever?
My own experience was that it took a good step two and three... My higher power does not want me to be unhappy... but alcohol and pills sure did!!!
Even then, however, I needed to get at why I felt the way I did and the fourth and fifth steps really helped me get rid of all that.
Like Lexie said, you don't get to be happy right away... But if you are gonna do this thing Ina... you have to develop faith that you will be happy... so trust your higher power and get writing in those notebooks...
I am happy now... and I felt all of the things you did, once. Now follow direction and you will be too...
Not waving, but drowning
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 423
Hi Fishbowl,
I was going to write some nice platitude (well, it seemed deep at the time) but then I realized that I'm the person who just ate an entire bag of candy in under 10 minutes (feeling queasy now) to deal with a very upsetting day. So...not much I can offer in the way of wisdom! I clearly have a number of maladaptive strategies for dealing with life---I've just shifted them away from alcohol. (And in case anyone cares, yes, I'm doing some step work).
It does seem that people are divided between those who find "one day at a time" helpful, and those who just figure "never again" and find that more peaceful. I was better off with realizing that drinking was "never again".
On a somber note a young person I know died yesterday---fairly quickly (but not quickly enough) and horribly. He went to the ER expecting to be back home in a few hours. I was thinking that if he had spent the last 10 days saying something like "I can't ever drink again" and agonizing about it, that would have been a BIG waste of his last days on earth. Don't think drinking was his thing, but you get the point.
It made me think today more critically about what i should let go of, and not think too far ahead. On the other hand, I just snarfed that bag of candy which was dumb, so don't feel you have to listen to me
I was going to write some nice platitude (well, it seemed deep at the time) but then I realized that I'm the person who just ate an entire bag of candy in under 10 minutes (feeling queasy now) to deal with a very upsetting day. So...not much I can offer in the way of wisdom! I clearly have a number of maladaptive strategies for dealing with life---I've just shifted them away from alcohol. (And in case anyone cares, yes, I'm doing some step work).
It does seem that people are divided between those who find "one day at a time" helpful, and those who just figure "never again" and find that more peaceful. I was better off with realizing that drinking was "never again".
On a somber note a young person I know died yesterday---fairly quickly (but not quickly enough) and horribly. He went to the ER expecting to be back home in a few hours. I was thinking that if he had spent the last 10 days saying something like "I can't ever drink again" and agonizing about it, that would have been a BIG waste of his last days on earth. Don't think drinking was his thing, but you get the point.
It made me think today more critically about what i should let go of, and not think too far ahead. On the other hand, I just snarfed that bag of candy which was dumb, so don't feel you have to listen to me
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
Inafishbowl, I'm right there with you. I was thinking of drinking a ton tonight. I'm 98 days sober. The thought of never celebrating by drinking seems insane for this alcoholic. What I am told is it does (and actually has if I'm being honest) get easier over time. Most people I have talked to say that things really level out between 6 and 9 months. Seems like a long time, but so is drinking everyday and being hungover and self loathing right?
There is a saying in AA that goes "Don't quit right before the mircale happens". That's what keeps me in the game when I don't feel like playing anymore. Remember how hard it was juggling your acloholic life from your real one? I sure do. The obsession of acting normal and responsible in aspects of your life accept for that one that only you knew about. Then waking up hungover, stinking of booze, red eyed, anxiety and blood pressure sky high, and trying your best to just act normal? What's longer? Living like that for the rest of your life, or sticking around until things level out?
The answer is simple, but getting there is not easy. We can do it! One day at a time.
There is a saying in AA that goes "Don't quit right before the mircale happens". That's what keeps me in the game when I don't feel like playing anymore. Remember how hard it was juggling your acloholic life from your real one? I sure do. The obsession of acting normal and responsible in aspects of your life accept for that one that only you knew about. Then waking up hungover, stinking of booze, red eyed, anxiety and blood pressure sky high, and trying your best to just act normal? What's longer? Living like that for the rest of your life, or sticking around until things level out?
The answer is simple, but getting there is not easy. We can do it! One day at a time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 264
These posts are really helping me. One thing is striking me right now (Thank you for reminding me, Danae).
I know grief really well. I lost my adopted mother when I was pregnant and I lost my first husband when my daughter was just 4. I know grief well. I'm actually finding myself quite ashamed of myself for grieving something as trivial as a pretty glass of wine after experiencing those losses.
Reggie, you reminded me of this too with the news of Mike Starr's death. I have been eating sleeping and breathing AA, recovery, recovery books, etc. I'm thinking part of my problem (aside from not digging into my notebooks) is that I haven't stopped to smell the roses much at all.
Thanks people. Between the multiple phone calls and you here at SR, I'm feeling better.
And Danae, eat all the candy you want. Didn't you read that book yesterday? I loved her candy addiction in the first 30 days.
I know grief really well. I lost my adopted mother when I was pregnant and I lost my first husband when my daughter was just 4. I know grief well. I'm actually finding myself quite ashamed of myself for grieving something as trivial as a pretty glass of wine after experiencing those losses.
Reggie, you reminded me of this too with the news of Mike Starr's death. I have been eating sleeping and breathing AA, recovery, recovery books, etc. I'm thinking part of my problem (aside from not digging into my notebooks) is that I haven't stopped to smell the roses much at all.
Thanks people. Between the multiple phone calls and you here at SR, I'm feeling better.
And Danae, eat all the candy you want. Didn't you read that book yesterday? I loved her candy addiction in the first 30 days.
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