TotoBidule

I was just cleaning up stuff and came my collection of beer labels on some shelves. WHACK. I had this massive feeling of loss - I will never try another delicious beer from some crazy corner of the world. I will never again delight in those I have already tried. I know this is just alcoholic me trying to rationalise not stopping. Who would have a collection of beer labels if they are not an alcoholic? There may be some out there... but I bet there aren't many! I was just overcome by the finality of stopping, and how much work I still have to do.

Anyway, I stopped cleaning and just had to talk about it. I don't know what I would have done if I didn't have SR! Thank you all for being here.

And yes, the collection is now safely in the rubbish bin where it belongs...

AmericanGirl

Hi Toto, good for you for getting rid of them and dealing with this realization today. I believe that even though alcohol mistreated us, it can be difficult to let go of things no matter what the relationship is. People don't only grieve the loss of those they love. Sometimes it is even harder to grieve what was complicated, painful, unbearable. For some of us, anyway. The good news is that it does get easier. What you are doing now is hard, but you are building strength.

I agree . . . SR is such a huge help in these moments. Hang in there!

silly

I totally understand what you're saying, Toto. I had that same feeling last Sunday night. I was overcome by a sense of loss. I sat in the darkness of my bedroom and cried. I'll never experience the good parts of drinking again. My counselor at inpatient rehab says it's a small price to pay. And I don't disagree. But it's still no easier to accept. Grieving is part of the process I guess.

SSIL75

It's OK to be sad It gets better.

LaFemme

When I was a kid I collected beer coasters when we traveled in Europe

What helped me was realizing that I'm not missing out on anything. I know a lot of people speak of a grieving process, but I felt it vital to eradicate any nostalgia for drinking during my early recovery.

Good for you for throwing it out!

Reubena

I can relate to so much of what you wrote. When the feelings of loss overcome me, I force myself to remember and "feel" all the horrible stuff that wine did to me. It was a bad relationship... glad I am done with it.

Big hugs to you...

Supercrew

I'm just glad I never got around to putting the full bar and tap in my game room. One of the reasons I bought my house was to make it the ultimate party place. I still have the bar plans somewhere on my hard drive, and I was actively shopping for a kegerator when I quit. The other fridge in the game room used to always be filled with beer and booze, now it just holds water and soda and vitamin water. But it makes me happy opening that fridge now, and I play much better pool sober.

NEOMARXIST

Hi there. Thanks for sharing.

I too was obsessed/loved beer and used to collect the real ale bottles and had my shelves in my room filled end to end with the different bottles. I think that was when I was 16/17 too, so I was obsessed with everything about booze well before I was 18. Used to go to real ale festivals and all that and was well into proper real ale from the boozers. However I also would nail shed loads of fizzy lager so I wan't snobby! lol. Though I only drank 5%+ lagers as the rest were just like fizzy water, though I would nail them if that's all that was available. I'd drink anything to be honest.

Yeah, for me then there was a lot of mourning/grieving for not just booze but also the lifestyle. I loved the taste, bottles, labels, pouring it, everything about it... but realistically I would always just end up railing some really dirty cheap white cider or something to finish the job off anyway.ha-ha.

I have to be careful not to romanticise booze as ultimately it really was pretty crappy for a good few years for me. For me then nailing K-cider in the morning was pretty dirty and the smell of that stuff used to make me vomit. I would always end up just a staggering, slurring alkie mess as a result of beer, so for me then it is something that is my worst enemy to be honest.

I guess then it sure can seem hard at times and that's why 'one day at a time' is so useful. It certainly does get better and the feelings of loss will lessen in time and with recovery. There may be times when you get a little pang of sadness/mourning particularly if your mood is susceptible but it will pass and it gets to the stage where it doesn't bother you and you're grateful that you don't drink.

Peace

Chris2011

I look at it like this...I WILL feel better in the mornings...I WILL not have to wonder WTF did i do last night?...I WILL be the person I can and will be...etc. At this point, and I am much older, the "I won'ts" don't even enter my brain. The "wills" do!

smacked

Oh all those memories and longings will be replaced with new improved life experiences, I promise.

artsoul

I really like what smacked said - it's like we're building new memories: memories of really caring about ourselves and others, of becoming the people we'd like to be. It takes getting through the really tough times to appreciate the really good ones.

So proud of you for putting your "trophies" to rest...... Maybe you could start a new collection: photographs, inspirational quotes, mementos from traveling, or even antique bottles that have nothing to do with alcohol.......

Keep up the good work!

dbearw

There's a ton of different teas from all over the world out there...

Zebra1275

I'll never experience the good parts of drinking again.

Here's my list of the good parts of drinking.

1.

Zebra1275

Hmmm, still trying to think of something, give me a minute . . .

ReadyAndAble

Just saw LaFemme's post from this morning (which for me gets to the heart of not just this thread, but a couple others I've read tonight):

I want that etched inside my sunglasses so I see it everywhere I go.

EmeraldRose

Unfortunately, now we have to learn how to walk on both feet without a crutch, so to speak. It is a grieving process and it's all new to feel these things sober.
We just learned about 'frozen feelings' tonight in rehab...and how alcohol maskes and hides your real feelings...after being an alcoholoc for about 30 years I realized I've lived my life as a zombie. Not really feeling anything.
Its good you can come to grips with this loss. Make a big deal about it and move on.
Go You! =)

Reset

That's a big step Toto. Congrats.

TotoBidule

And I LOVE tea too! I have always really liked the finer things (didn't see much when growing up), and I suppose I'd addled my brain into thinking there were only fine alcohols out there to drink. Speaking of finer things, or at least expensive things, when I was in China I was told that tea can fetch up to $10k USD/pound! Plenty of leeway to be a ponsy wanker with tea! Thanks for the reminder... And there are some fantastic coffees too... And probably a whole lot more - how liberating that I have so much to discover now I'm not fixated on alcohol

dbearw

I love teas and coffee- the finer things.

Reset

Tea has kept me going during all of this. Especially when I get a craving, tea seems to be able to kill it fast.