newbie here and scared
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Melbourne Fl
Posts: 8
newbie here and scared
So this is my first time here, I am just a bit confused. I know i have a problem but alcohol doesn't consume my life but it has effected my marriage. I drink 3 to 4 times a week 6 to 8 beers at a time. I do have issues every now and then blacking out and I have urinated in the house a few times in the last year. I am going to go down the sober route once again. I don't really know how this is going to be for me. I am now 50 days quitting dipping as well. I never really thought about quitting drinking completely, I always just thought I would cut back. From what I have just said is there any advice anyone could give me about my next step? I appreciate any advice anyone could give me. And I am scared to think that I could have had my last beer on this past Sunday.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Texas
Posts: 665
I'm new here myself, but other folks will be around shortly to give you more experienced advice. That being said... I check in on this forum several times per day. I also work my program of choice, both on-line and through face to face meetings. Find a recovery program that works for you.
It is a rare person who can go from alcohol abuse to moderation. Most drunks like to think that they can, which is where a lot of relapses happen.
It terrified me to think of never drinking again. I set my first goal at not drinking for 30 days. I did not give myself permission to drink again when the 30 days was over, just that for the next 30 days, I will not drink. Funny thing happened this past month. My life is so much better! This coming Thursday will mark 30 days for me. I won't be drinking again. Every day will not be easy, but everyday is a choice. The thought of never drinking again isn't scary at all anymore. I found that making the choice not to drink ever again was easier for me when I became sober. It was the alcohol induced thinking that made it seem scary.
Keep checking back in. I'm looking forward to getting to know you.
It is a rare person who can go from alcohol abuse to moderation. Most drunks like to think that they can, which is where a lot of relapses happen.
It terrified me to think of never drinking again. I set my first goal at not drinking for 30 days. I did not give myself permission to drink again when the 30 days was over, just that for the next 30 days, I will not drink. Funny thing happened this past month. My life is so much better! This coming Thursday will mark 30 days for me. I won't be drinking again. Every day will not be easy, but everyday is a choice. The thought of never drinking again isn't scary at all anymore. I found that making the choice not to drink ever again was easier for me when I became sober. It was the alcohol induced thinking that made it seem scary.
Keep checking back in. I'm looking forward to getting to know you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Melbourne Fl
Posts: 8
With more soul searching and reading on this site I have come to realize I could not drink with moderation. I have never been able to do anything in moderation. So I will too work day by day. It wont be easy but I was able to stop dipping this will just be another hurdle I will have to overcome. Thank you for the input and I look forward to getting to know you more as well. Congrats on the soon to be 30 day mark!
Cause no harm
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Missouri
Posts: 596
Welcome, Apex, to SR. I would agree with Hugger, except, IMHO, an alcoholic can nevermoderate drinking. Your body chemistry will not allow controlled drinking. I'm sure it will appear you are able for a period of time, but inevitably you will find yourself drinking more and more. And the fear of never having a beer again? That's your booze brain thinking for you. From personal experience, you can survive quite nicely without alcohol. You have to redirect your thinking which will become easier as you cleanse your system of the poison. Once the booze brain becomes quieted, clearer thinking will allow you options to living your life without the hindrance of a bottle. Best of luck to us all.
Pádraic
Pádraic
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,444
Welcome and I'm glad that you recognize that you will not be able to moderate your drinking. Alcoholics cannot moderate their drinking, and it's really much easier to stop and to recover.
Please know that it is very scary to be where you are. My fear of recovery kept me drinking much longer than I should have. You can do this!
Please know that it is very scary to be where you are. My fear of recovery kept me drinking much longer than I should have. You can do this!
Cause no harm
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Missouri
Posts: 596
PS—Apex, I would suggest not setting a 30 day goal, but concern yourself with the present. The well-worn phrase "one day at a time" is tried and true. Makes the task easier and less threaten. Simply don't drink today. Fix that in your head and follow through. Don't worry about tomorrow...there is no such thing. When "tomorrow" reaches us, it is today, the day you're not drinking.
unlearning
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: russia
Posts: 343
I agree with Creekryder, free beer tomorrow! Right Creek?
One fear that is common with younger people is losing their social ties, or what other people will think. From what I can tell, you are not so concerned with that, and most here will tell you if you lose friends over not drinking, they were not friends anyway. Have to lose some "drinking buddies"? Well worth it.
One fear that is common with younger people is losing their social ties, or what other people will think. From what I can tell, you are not so concerned with that, and most here will tell you if you lose friends over not drinking, they were not friends anyway. Have to lose some "drinking buddies"? Well worth it.
i've done my almost
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 1,934
Hi Apex-
I'm over 15 months sober, but I know EXACTLY how you feel.
Fear. I was full of it, but it was a 50/50 mixture of my drinking and the thought that I may never be able to drink again. This is one example of alcoholic insanity.
...and I say this with kindess, but more than likely, if you're an alcholic like me, your "beer count" is off a bit and probably on the low end of what's really true
Apex - we can and do recover and it's great to hear that you're leaning towards abstinence. If you're an alcholic, then there is no such thing as drinking in moderation. If there was, you would have already done it.
Keep posting and read and "listen" for the similarities.
Kjell~
I'm over 15 months sober, but I know EXACTLY how you feel.
Fear. I was full of it, but it was a 50/50 mixture of my drinking and the thought that I may never be able to drink again. This is one example of alcoholic insanity.
...and I say this with kindess, but more than likely, if you're an alcholic like me, your "beer count" is off a bit and probably on the low end of what's really true
Apex - we can and do recover and it's great to hear that you're leaning towards abstinence. If you're an alcholic, then there is no such thing as drinking in moderation. If there was, you would have already done it.
Keep posting and read and "listen" for the similarities.
Kjell~
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Western PA
Posts: 416
Apex, I am almost 4 months in and I can totally relate to where you are. The thought of never having a drink again terrified me. I mean I drank for good times, bad times, holidays, birthdays, BBQ's, etc. etc. There was always a reason to have a beer. I just couldn't imagine how I could do it.
Let me tell you this though, trust what everyone tells you who has been there. Take it one day at a time. I made it through Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years. And by taking those one day at a time ( sometimes one hour at a time) I gained a little strength each time I didn't give in.
It gets a little easier everyday. The first week was the hardest for me personally. After that the cravings subsided more and more. I am now to a point where not drinking is the norm as opposed to even thinking about taking a drink.
Hang in there my man, it gets better.
Let me tell you this though, trust what everyone tells you who has been there. Take it one day at a time. I made it through Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years. And by taking those one day at a time ( sometimes one hour at a time) I gained a little strength each time I didn't give in.
It gets a little easier everyday. The first week was the hardest for me personally. After that the cravings subsided more and more. I am now to a point where not drinking is the norm as opposed to even thinking about taking a drink.
Hang in there my man, it gets better.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 873
Hi apex, don't feel like you're alone, it IS scary.
At the beginning I told myself that I was just quitting for an indefinite period of time, could be a few months, could be a year, who knows. And in the meantime I focused on not drinking today. It really helped me get over the idea that I would NEVER drink again.
And after a while I realized that the thought of never drinking again wasn't so bad. I'm on day 66 and with each day that passes the idea of not ever drinking again gets easier to accept.
Hang in there and you'll see.
At the beginning I told myself that I was just quitting for an indefinite period of time, could be a few months, could be a year, who knows. And in the meantime I focused on not drinking today. It really helped me get over the idea that I would NEVER drink again.
And after a while I realized that the thought of never drinking again wasn't so bad. I'm on day 66 and with each day that passes the idea of not ever drinking again gets easier to accept.
Hang in there and you'll see.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: SoCal CA
Posts: 1,319
Great job so far, I would do anything to keep from urinating in the house. Just kidding, been there and done that too many times to remember. As far as quitting dipping, that is really impressive, especially if you were still drinking...I know I was drinking for 27 years, and dipping for about 30.
I have been able to realize that life is much better for me sober. Don't think about quitting forever right now, because the mind has trouble grasping the forever concept. Just go day to day and week to week just like the dip. Quitting drinking has been the most positive experience I can remember, and remember you are not quitting drinking because you have to, you are quitting because you want to and your are choosing to.
Good luck and welcome to the forum!
Just kidding, been there and done that too many times to remember. As far as quitting dipping, that is really impressive, especially if you were still drinking...I know I was drinking for 27 years, and dipping for about 30.I have been able to realize that life is much better for me sober. Don't think about quitting forever right now, because the mind has trouble grasping the forever concept. Just go day to day and week to week just like the dip. Quitting drinking has been the most positive experience I can remember, and remember you are not quitting drinking because you have to, you are quitting because you want to and your are choosing to.
Good luck and welcome to the forum!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Melbourne Fl
Posts: 8
@Creekryder-Yes the more truthful I am to myself the more I realize that I can not moderate drinking, I cant do anything in moderation. Unfortunately that is just my personality. I will definitely change my thinking of one day at a time, I was able to have that mentality with dipping so i need to turn that into this challenge as well.
@ste- yeah social status is no issue for me im pretty much just a sit at home and watch UFC and movies kind of drinker.
One day at a time is the way to go, I just have to stay strong and think about the big picture. I have to figure out how to change my lifestyle and my way of thinking. I drink for every occasion, the good the bad and the ugly.
@Supercrew - Yeah the embarrassment of waking up in **** was getting old and the guilt was getting old too. The whole process of quitting dipping has me feeling the same way now with going alcohol free, but when i wasnt dipping anymore atleast I could still drink, now I wont have either thing. I am going to have to figure out something to fill that void. Thank you everyone for all the support, advice, and your point of view. This forum gives me hope and faith that I CAN DO THIS!
@ste- yeah social status is no issue for me im pretty much just a sit at home and watch UFC and movies kind of drinker.
One day at a time is the way to go, I just have to stay strong and think about the big picture. I have to figure out how to change my lifestyle and my way of thinking. I drink for every occasion, the good the bad and the ugly.
@Supercrew - Yeah the embarrassment of waking up in **** was getting old and the guilt was getting old too. The whole process of quitting dipping has me feeling the same way now with going alcohol free, but when i wasnt dipping anymore atleast I could still drink, now I wont have either thing. I am going to have to figure out something to fill that void. Thank you everyone for all the support, advice, and your point of view. This forum gives me hope and faith that I CAN DO THIS!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Michigan
Posts: 7
Apexi, I'm pretty new here as well. I've only been sober *this time* for a little over two weeks. But I remember the first few days after I had my last drink. It was really an hour by hour decision to not go pick up a case of beer. My advice would be not to keep anything alcohol in the house. Throw as many road blocks between you and a drink as possible and then just distract yourself as much as possible. The days drag but each one is a major accomplishment. For me the beginning stage has been a lot like quitting smoking (or dipping as the case may be).
Put the first few days between you and your substance. Realize you can do this, and trust that giving up something you want to give up is like a shot; The thought is scary, but the reality is it's necessary for your health.
Put the first few days between you and your substance. Realize you can do this, and trust that giving up something you want to give up is like a shot; The thought is scary, but the reality is it's necessary for your health.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Melbourne Fl
Posts: 8
@charmer I cant keep alcohol in the house because I always drink it so I am good there but yeah I am going to stay away from drinking situations for a while. I don't really do much that puts me in that situation so that's good. But I'm living one day at a time and hope for the best. Hope you can do the same. congrats on 2 weeks
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: England
Posts: 70
Hey man.
You can do it.
You have to find something to do in the week - like running and gym (works for me), getting a job, joining a club. Something that you MUST get up in the morning for.
I was drinking 5/6 days a week (I'm 25) - and would've drank more but by the 5/6th day I'd be completely and utterly broke - finacially and mentally.
I'm now am down to drinking once a week (Don't touch a drop at ALL during the week despite craving it - get the shakes pretty bad in my hands come mid week, so much people notice it). I've lapsed a few times but generally it works.
On a Saturday I go out with no cash card, just a set amount of cash. I will end up wrecked, but I can live with it. It's still progress in my eyes.
Anyway, that's my 10 cents and experience.
You can do it.
You have to find something to do in the week - like running and gym (works for me), getting a job, joining a club. Something that you MUST get up in the morning for.
I was drinking 5/6 days a week (I'm 25) - and would've drank more but by the 5/6th day I'd be completely and utterly broke - finacially and mentally.
I'm now am down to drinking once a week (Don't touch a drop at ALL during the week despite craving it - get the shakes pretty bad in my hands come mid week, so much people notice it). I've lapsed a few times but generally it works.
On a Saturday I go out with no cash card, just a set amount of cash. I will end up wrecked, but I can live with it. It's still progress in my eyes.
Anyway, that's my 10 cents and experience.
Editor
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Pensacola, Florida
Posts: 1,516
Apex- I am new here as well and have found this site to be eye opening. You are not alone. I was a casual beer drinker myself 3-to 4 a night then 6 to 8 then-8 to 12 a night (tall boys). I think that you see the pattern. Oh that was during the week. On the weekend it was time to play. The hardest thing I had to do was to be honest with myself and admit that I had a problem. I have always been scared to quit. My life has been centered around Beer for 25 years. I have quit many times over the years and always convinced myself after a few weeks or months that I could control my consumption. Just this year I quit for 4 weeks and the beer decided that I could just have one or two on the weekend and be ok. Well I was lying to myself. Within a week I was right back on track with my old habits. Long story short. If you are here. You are making your first steps in the right direction. I never new that there were so many people out there with the same hurdles as myself.
I am not 25 anymore trying to quit or 30 or 35. I am turning 41 this weekend and have fooled myself for many many years. I am not living under a bridge(yet). I live in a very nice house. A great career. Pay all my bills. I couldnt have a problem. WRONG! Even your current friends will tell you that you dont have a problem. You are the only one who knows what you do.
In my opinion. For me. Cutting back only fools yourself that you don't have a problem. The things that you are experiencing are not uncommon at all.
Read all through this forum. There are a lot people with many years of sobriety under there belts that give incredible advice and support. Sorry that was kinda long winded. Good luck on your journey. Day by day.
Dave
I am not 25 anymore trying to quit or 30 or 35. I am turning 41 this weekend and have fooled myself for many many years. I am not living under a bridge(yet). I live in a very nice house. A great career. Pay all my bills. I couldnt have a problem. WRONG! Even your current friends will tell you that you dont have a problem. You are the only one who knows what you do.
In my opinion. For me. Cutting back only fools yourself that you don't have a problem. The things that you are experiencing are not uncommon at all.
Read all through this forum. There are a lot people with many years of sobriety under there belts that give incredible advice and support. Sorry that was kinda long winded. Good luck on your journey. Day by day.
Dave
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