March7

Ugh that is the worst when you tell a friend, hey no I don't want to drink, or no I don't want to go to this or that thing because I don't want to be tempted, and get the response, "oh, you're fine. Just slow down. You don't have a problem" that's what I heard today after turning down an invitation for this weekend.
Time to back off from that friend I guess. I don't want to have to go into detail with someone who wants to drink about why I don't want to. It's hard enough to talk about it here on an anonymous forum who are on my side and support my decision.
I think they know if they pester me enough I'll give in, which is my own fault for establishing that pattern. I think this time I'm just going to avoid any such people for awhile. It doesn't matter if I gave in before or for what reason. I know I can't drink and I don't need any external pressure or negativity on top of WANTING to drink so that my stupid hands will stop shaking and I feel better. Ugh ugh ugh

Enoy

(((Edit)))


Jumped the gun before reading context .... lol My bad.

TotoBidule

I feel ya mate. I have a flatmate who has done that quite a bit over the last couple of weeks. He's not a bad person, I suppose just someone who has never really been confronted with the realities of substance addiction. And thinking back to it, he was mostly just trying to make me feel better about myself. I think many, many people are actually like that - it's hard for us to see that though - we just hear "oh, don't worry, you're just having a bad patch and will get through it, you don't have to stop drinking". Particularly with alcohol, which is so ubiquitous and ingrained in our culture(s), I think people often find it really hard to see that it is the ALCOHOL that is the problem for us, not "just being blue". We may also be depressed but getting rid of the alcohol is always the first challenge!

Auggie

Very well put March 7. Stay strong.

Bombshell

I know exactly what you mean March. A few weeks ago, when I went out drinking with my friends, I had a blackout, fell down some steps, whacked my head off the ground and ended up in A&E with a severely sprained ankle and covered in bruises. When I sobered up and told my friends I was never doing that to myself again, they all said 'Oh, you were fine. Honestly, you weren't that bad. You don't need to stop drinking'. Every single one of them!! And they knew that my drinking had landed me in hospital!

I think it was because, if I started questioning my drinking patterns, they would have to look at theirs too, and that would make them uncomfortable. Could that be the case with your friend too? Some people don't like too much change around the norm.

Fair play to you for sticking to your guns. I hope you feel better soon. Every challenge like this that you resist makes you stronger!

Reset

The first time I told my wife I wanted to quit, she told me I didn't have a problem and just needed to cut down.

March7

Agree with all of you. This person is a good friend, and is only trying to make me feel better. And, potentially to rationalize their own struggle with alcohol. This is the type of person that is hardest to ignore but the most important to ignore, I think.
I'm single and live alone, so having friends is extra important to me. I don't want to sit home by myself all the time. But there are plenty of people out there who don't drink, and activities to participate in to keep myself busy where there is no alcohol. I'm just going to stick to those for now, and only talk to my friends who drink on the phone until I feel strong enough to be in a situation with alcohol and not get a case of the "ah, f**k it's!" Because that's been the established pattern. I know I should not drink. I quit for however long. I go out with friends and it's in front of me and I'm like, ok, I'll just have a few and be normal. That never turns out well... Back to square one!
Maybe I'll never be able to be strong enough to be in that position and not drink. I guess I'll have to accept that too.

SomethingBetter

I know exactly where your coming from, my dad and brother have done that to me, hand me an open beer or an already poured shot of whiskey, " here ya go, just one won't hurt".

What they don't understand is when I leave them and get on my own, even if I can control it a few days I am right back where I was in just a little time, 2, 3 days tops.

Hang in there, and know your not alone in this situation...

Mcribb

It forces alot of people to look at their own life when you decide to quit. Any lengths nessessary...even not caring what someone thinks and having the strength to do what you need to do.

GodsHolyWill

I know what you mean about shaking hands!!! I hate that and can't wait for it to go away!

March7

The shaky hands and various other annoying physical symptoms are why I'm forgiving myself for eating an entire bag of gummy bears, all sorts of carbs, ice cream, and smoked a pack of cigs already today. I'm going to go to bed as early as possible tonight and try to get up and get some exercise in the morning.

LexieCat

I often think friends think they ARE being supportive when they say stuff like that.

Kinda like if you'd asked her, "do I look fat in this?"

least

I think just the fact that you gave up drinking kind of puts the spotlight on their drinking and they aren't comfortable with that. You do whatever you have to do to stay sober. Never mind what anyone else says or thinks.

Anna

Follow your heart - you know what you need to do.

Your plan of staying away from your friends who drink, temporarily, is a good one!

lookinforward

I feel your pain. I was uninvited to a weekend trip last fall because I said that I didn't want to drink. I really wanted to go. Needless to say I gave in and went and drank. I always give in to make other people happy. I am thinking that it is time to do some soul searching on who is a friend and who isn't. A true friend would not even go there. Stay strong.

Inafishbowl

I feel ya. I'm get'n hit with that from a lot of surprising angles.

drent

like march said. "And, potentially to rationalize their own struggle with alcohol."

it doesn't mean the person is a bad person. they just aren't as enlightened as you are.

WatchTheSky

I hear you on this one! In my experience, it gets better. The only friend who really doesn't like my sobriety is the one who also has a problem. The others just needed to get used to the idea that "no, I'm not drinking" does not mean "I'm only drinking a little bit." It means I've tried to cut down and can't so I need to be entirely sober.

LaFemme

Genuis!

I got this from my father the one time I mentioned wanting to quit for a few months...I was still drinking at the time and looking for support.

Now when I got sober I don't even tall about it with my parents...when they offer me a drink...which they always do...I say "no thanks".@

Beardo

March7 - Yeah I get that from people too, the one that really surprised me though was from a good friend of mine who's an ex drinker and ex cocaine monster. I hadn't long been out of rehab when I was talking to him about an upcoming bbq (he knows full well I'm an alcoholic and addict) when he says "I know you can't drink, but you can still have just a couple beers can't you?".
I'm pretty straight up with people now if they ask if I drink, I'm finding the truth seems to stop them from asking again. "Nope, not anymore. I'm a recovering alkie mate."
Hang in there