I want to get through the next
 

I feel horrible and have been in bed most of the day. This is not my first time quitting. I have been suffering all day. This time around I have been drinking for about 3 weeks straight, starting every day after work drinking 2 bottles of wine or the equivalent in vodka. I'm so frustrated with myself. I have poisoned my body and my life. I want to go to the store right now and buy alcohol and cigarettes.
I've been able to quit in the past by simply getting into a good routine at the gym, staying out of bars and away from people who drink. But lately that isn't working. I've been eating like crap, sleeping late, half assing my job to the point that I am going to lose it if I don't knock it off, and drinking alone.
I don't know what to do with myself right now.

Welcome to SR. Glad you found us.

Quitting can be extremely hard and feel like it is impossible but it can be done and many people here can attest to that.

I would suggest looking into a recovery program. There are many too choose from. They are a good way to get started and can provide a lot of support during your struggle to quit. Here is a link to a list of some of those programs: http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I hope you find all you are seeking.

Take care

I've been to AA meetings a few times in the past. But I never said anything. It was too overwhelming.

Hi March and welcome to SR :-)

You prob' know how hard the early stages can be, but you're in a good place here with tons of support.
Just stick at it, gl, and with your job :-)

Welcome to the family.:) In early sobriety I kept myself busy, both to stay out of trouble and to take my mind off drinking. I walked the dogs a lot, which they loved, and the exercise was good for me. I have/had a lot of help staying sober from my addiction counselor whom I see once a week.

That's my plan for tomorrow, to wake up early and not feel like sh*t and fully focus on catching up at work. Right now I just want to make it through night 1. I know I need to not drink, ever. I just keep procrastinating.

How could I find an addiction counselor? I have insurance, would it be covered? I think I'd do a lot better one on one than in a group setting like AA

Welcome March7 - I couldn't do much at first either...... Just hang out here and get through today and then worry about tomorrow when it gets here. Baby steps......

Things will get better if you hang in there. You don't need to live this way anymore....... We're here for you and understand what you're going through.

As far as an addiction counselor, I don't know how least found her's, but maybe if you call a local rehab or psych center, they can give you a referral. Or talk to a doctor and see if they have suggestions. (Also, if you live in a good size town/city, there may be listing in the yellow pages).

Hang in there.....:ghug3

I hope your de tox from alcohol runs smoothly
and you feel better soon...:yup:
Please don't hestitate to call your doctor if you need to.

Welcome to SR....:wavey:

Thanks everyone. I googled counselors in my area and contacted one by email last night, hoping to hear back from her today. I've been up since 5, didn't sleep very well but I feel much better physically than I did yesterday.

Stop beating yourself up, youve been doing that for long enough. There is nothing to be upset about, YOU did the best thing for you by stopping, now you need to find the net best thing for you by figuring out who/what you are going to do w/ you life.

You already decided it wasnt to live that way anymore, so getting the drink is only going to put you right back where you were, and successful social drinkers never have to quit, you already did, you will struggle, find more people (like you did here!) that have done it successfully, and you too will be successful.

<3 best

Welcome!

I have so been here:
I remember it well :hug:

In sobriety I've found those things to be very helpful (going to the gym etc) but the reason they didn't stick before was because I hadn't really accepted that drinking was a 'never again' thing. I was approaching it assways. Thinking if I was busy enough I wouldn't want to drink. Well, I'm an alcoholic so I always want to drink. So first eliminating the possibility of drinking (mentally) freed up my life to really make something of it.

Good luck with the therapist!

I found my counselor at our local substance abuse center. Been seeing her three years now, going on four, and what a help she's been. I hope you can find a good addiction counselor.:hug:

I think at this point it's not even about "accepting" that I can never drink again- I really don't want to. I've been semi-successful at "social drinking" throughout my adult life- meaning that sometimes I was able to have a drink or 2 in certain situations (like a work event or wedding) and call it a night. So I told myself I am capable of it, and am sooo mad at myself when I go overboard. So logic tells me there is no "semi successful". I am not a social drinker, like bestofme said social drinkers never have to quit. There's so much anxiety tied into "trying" to be normal about drinking that it's just not worth it. I'm better off never drinking. I think my problem with AA is that it's a "fail" if you have ONE SIP. I am often in situations where alcohol is put in front of me and I'd rather not make a big deal about it. Just keep in my head that I can't get started because I can't be sure of how it will end. Easier to not participate. But for me the taste of alcohol, or it's presence doesnt make me want to drink until I'm drunk. It's only once I've passed the point of getting a "buzz" or whatever that I can't stop. Or am I just rationalizing? I don't know. For now I'm going to stay away completely and if the situation arises where there is alcohol I'll just say I'm taking some medication and I can't drink that night.

Hi March...and welcome. Can you find some support in your area? AA perhaps? You don't HAVE to stop drinking to go but it will put people in your life that aren't hanging out at bars and understand how hard it is.
Staying here and posting is a great way to bide your time when you feel like running to the store...believe me. =)

Hi,

I'm glad you're feeling a bit better today. And, I hope you are able to find a counsellor who suits you.

I also found that keeping busy and changing my daily routines, helped me a lot in the early days of recovery.

It does sound like you're still determined to be able to moderate your drinking. If you're not an alcoholic, you might be able to. For me, I wasted so much time and energy trying to moderate my drinking that it was truly a relief to just stop drinking.

That's how I'm feeling right now, that it is a relief to make the decision to just NOT drink. Ive tried to regulate myself, and there is just so much internal dialogue necessary during those nights in order to remain in control that it becomes a chore. Not to mention that the times I am unsuccessful it's embarrassing. And that's just one aspect- the work functions. I have to attend a lot of events for my job where drinking is standard, and expected. Of course there are always people there who aren't drinking, but they are few and far between and always questioned about it. Furthermore, I've been drinking alone lately and that's definitely got to stop. I'm so tired of trying to regulate. It's too much work. Soda water with lemon looks like a drink. I'll just do that from now on.

One more thought to get out then I'll stop going beserk with this thread. I just want to be able to go back and reread all my thoughts tonight and for the next few days while I sort this out.
It's not just drinking that is the problem. It's the cycle of bad behavior it creates. For me, drinking always leads to smoking. Both of those are poison and make me feel like crap which makes me skip exercise and healthy pursuits. Then I eat crappy fattening food and feel even grosser. I don't clean as much so my house is not in order, my laundry is piled up, my car is dirty and I slack off at work. It's a terrible cycle. I need the whole thing to stop. The whole cycle, not just the drinking. That's another reason I don't like AA meetings. It always looks like a smoking convention outside.
Drinking is just the catalyst, it is the part of the equation that if removed, will make it so much easier to get everything else in order. I don't like being mad at myself. That's what I am right now. Disgusted. I know better. I've known this for a long time. I'm hoping by getting my thoughts out in the open here, and going to see this counselor lady, I can get out of this cycle once and for all.

March....you are dead on with your observations!!! Like you I wake up feeling horrible from drinking and unfortunately smoking, clothes stacked up, house a mess....a viscous cycle for us. I only smoke when I drink....both are being tossed out the window today. We have made the decision to do it...nothing will change it we do not stop the cycle. Keep it up...being disgusted with ourselvs can be the catalyst....:c004:

Wow. That is exactly how I feel. Another brilliant reason to get off this disastrous merry-go-round. Good luck March7!