Belier

Hi Everyone. First thanks to all over the last couple of months I am on around 70 days free from drinking and life is going great. I have done this by seeing a doctor having one family members support and visiting SR. I did a detox over Xmas at my family members place with the Drs constant contact. All good it appears, I have no interest in drinking now - just needed to get out of a really bad habit. I am very proud that I have. I don't want to lighten this it was very very tough and I had been drinking at least one bottle of wine for many years a day and it was increasing daily.

Now what confused me. I am a very generous person and while being drunk I was a very accommodating person when people would call and ask for money. Yes this one family member in the last year I have probably given of $10,000 to help out. As I have come through recovery I have realised I need to start putting my hard worked for money into a future for myself so have said no to anymore.

The part that has confused and made me a little sad is this family member last night talked to me a about a bottle of wine and went into detail how they were given this and went to describe how it was the nicest wine and went down so good, that they just love it and on and on. I was silent, trying to process why on earth this person would even go their with me as they know what I have been through!! Am I overeacting or this something anyone else has experienced. Any feedback would be appreciated as I don't want to become resentful and i want to see this perhaps for what it is. Thank you in advance.

Stevie1

YEAH on over 2 months sober! That's huge.

This is a family member who has taken/borrowed/accepted ten grand from you over the last year? I don't know the dynamics of this...but if they are a self centered/taker-type person, then he or she may simply be too self-centered to even realise how babbling on about a bottle of wine may be at best irrelevant and at worst very annoying to a newly sober person.

Again without knowing details...someone who took $10,000 from a family member (or asked and was given, or whatever) is probably...immature? Irresponsible? A loser? Your call, but if any of that fits then I'd put it down to incorrigible insensitivity. And, I would not be handing this person another dime.

Smudg3r

I hope this doesn't upset you, but as an outsider, it appears quite clear to me that this person wants you 'drunk and generous'.

Reading between the lines, I think you can see this yourself.

I don't think you are overreacting. I don't even think you need to stop seeing this person, (although it appears they only want your money and to see you suffering again so why would you want a friend like that?) but you should be firm with them and explain you aren't interested in how nice that wine is.

Around day 70? Respect! I hope I can manage that sort of will-power.

Auggie

That would be my take on it as well. It's hard to see how devious some people can be. Especially if we are not like that and the person is close to us.

Maybe this is just an inconsiderate person. Either way, I think I'd look at spending more time with healthy, supportive people.

artsoul

Hi ring - One thing about getting sober: no one really knows what we go through. Maybe this person is insensitive, has no idea that this has been difficult for you, and just figures you used to drink wine and would appreciate that they had been given a great bottle.....

That's looking at it from a viewpoint that gives them the benefit of a doubt. I think since this is family, trust your gut...... but I wouldn't just assume they wished you were drinking again......

That's just me, though....

ChikkaB

Sounds like you're being softened up for another 'touch' - just laugh it off and be 'too busy' to spend time with this person for a while. And if you do get hit up for money anyway, be 'too poor' to afford the loan, aw bummer! hehehehe

Aysha

i agree. As a borrower myself in the past. Sounds like someone wants to get you have loose pockets again.
Why else would someone go on and on like that about something they know you shouldnt be doing?
Sounded like a good commercial for the wine when you were explaining it. LOL
I would steer clear of this person or let them know that their detailed description of any type of alcohol is unnecessary.
Hang in there.

Draciack

Hi ring

I can't say much about your family member but I always enjoy setting a good boundary Some people just don't get it (and it's not really their fault that they don't) so I have to make it clear that some behavior I just won't tolerate. But it's always important for me to ask why they're doing this, just so I don't misunderstand their intentions.

LaFemme

Congrats on 70 days!

Have you tried talking to thiis person? Open communication with loved ones is one thing I need to learn ikn addition. To setting boundaries.

reggiewayne

IMO, trying to "figure out their motives" isn't of importance for you. You have 70 days (which is awesome). We need to protect our sobriety at all times. All you can do is say something like "I'm sure this wine is great for someone who doesn't have a problem with it, but for me, drinking is a problem. I'd appreciate it if we could talk about or do something else. Is that OK with you"? Of course it's going to be "OK" with them. Then you move on.

We always have a decision on what we allow ourselves to be a part of. It's all about boundries. I hope this helps.

Belier

Thanks Everyone, I think this person just is a little self centred. Nothing really new, you teach people how to treat you and I know they love and care for me, but I have always been up to give the money, so I now need to set new boundaries. Well not sure if I am being tested but my electricty fuse had a breakdown and I am sitting with a few candles waiting for the energy company to come and help me. I am on the other side of the world so it is night time here, also my TV blew, yep just me and the computer and a couple of candles, Well it could be worse!!! I could be drinking and that is the furtherest thing from my mind!! Yeah.