I keep trying only to fail...
 

Hi, I just joined. I have been a heavy wine drinker for about 30 years now. I know I have a serious problem. I joined AA in December 2010 and I can't seem to get past day 6 with my sobriety. I am also in a verbally abusive relationship and the minute he starts putting me down or yelling at me is when my mind starts telling me just to go out and get a bottle of wine, which I hide in my purse and drink in the bathroom. When he catches me he tells me I'm nothing but a drunk. I know he is correct. And from going to AA meetings I'm learning that we alcoholics have very low self esteem. Anyways, I don't know where I'm going with this. I just seem to be on a merry-go-round and I can't seem to get off the insanity trip. Any advice on getting past day 6 would be so much appreciated. Thank you.

When you have gone to AA, what did you do? Some people expect that attending meetings will somehow 'fix' them. This is usually not the case. If you are going the AA way, I recommend getting a sponsor and working the steps. Get numbers and use them. I am not preaching by any means, I have relapsed a lot, so I know how it is. Never quit quitting!

Hi Westie...I in my second month of sobriety and I can relate to so much of what you say. I too love my wine and was using it to escape from everything, including my verbal and mental abuse of the past. I don't have alot of words of wisdom as I'm still on the merry go round as well. This is a great site however and I'm glad you have found it, you will find lots of compassion and wisdom here to help you. Everyone has certainly helped me get to the next day. Welcome!!!!

Hi Westie-

Can't get passed day 6, so you are capable of going a few days. That's good news.

Do something, anything, everything different.

I'm an AA'er, so I'm going to ask if you have a sponsor? What step are you on? Let's start there.

We can and do recover and you can be living proof.

Kjell

Westie:
If the guy's got any sense at all, any humanity or feeling for you, then if he says you're a drunk, why not say, " Yes, you're right. But the better word for it is alcoholic. And I'm doing something about it. Would you like to help me deal with this problem? Like maybe you would go to an AA meeting with me? I'm going to get sober and I'd really appreciate your help. How about it?"
Whatever he says, don't head for a drink somewhere else. Hold your ground and stick with it, with him or without him. You're the most important person right now.

W.

Hi, I'm also new. I have been perusing the forums for the last day or two, and man, there are a TON stories of stories (like yours) I identify with here. I'm a woman, also a wine drinker (used to actually enjoy good wine, but in the past couple of years it's been all $3-10/btl WHITE: doesn't stain if you spill it!) and a purse/closet wine hider. I was also in a terrible relationship for several years, several years ago, and I never thought it would end... but it did. Of course I'm still dealing with depression and alcohol issues (personally I have quit maybe 5-6 times in the past seven years, the longest time being about a year and then several three to six month breaks since). I have been drinking between a bottle and a (1.5 L) magnum of wine a day for a couple of months again and it's time for me to get it under control. I called the depression center in the area and made an appointment, and to my surprise the counselor suggested I enroll in an outpatient substance abuse program and also go to AA. STRONGLY suggested. I have been nervous to go to a meeting let alone participate fully... but when I think about how my brain says having "only" a full regular bottle of wine in a night is "pretty good..." that's not healthy.

I'm sitting here at work and all I'm thinking about is buying some wine on the way home... I should probably go to my first AA meeting instead but I'm nervous. I will decide about the AA meeting, but I'll not drink today. I do have an appointment with the counselor tomorrow.

Anyway, I've rambled on about me, but I really wnted to thank you for your post, let you know that there's at least one person out there who has had similar experiences, and introduce myself. Soooo... "hi." :)

Welcome to SR theatredork and by going to that AA meeting tonight, you'd be doing something postive and different which would be a GREAT start.

Kjell

I agree with you that us alcoholics usually have low self-esteem. If I had cared about myself, I wouldn't have continued to poison my body.

Early sobriety is a time when you may need to make some big changes in your life. Abuse, of any kind, is completely unacceptable. If this man is a trigger for you to drink, then what can you do to change that? Recovering is hard work and you might need to make some changes in your life to get past Day 6. But, know that you can do it!

Hi there. 6 days is something u are going to have to get out of your head and just look at the one day at a time strategy that works for anyone who successfully is staying sober. I lasted 6 to 7 months before I went back to my old ways. So I tried again a few times since before realizing that the one day at a time method is the only way from now on.

Abuse is never OK whether you are an alcoholic or not. Is there somewhere safe you can go to get away from the abusive partner?