depression in sobriety
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 507
depression in sobriety
Good morning, everyone.
I've been sober close to 30 days now thanks to AA and the intensive outpatient rehab program I'm in. My counselor says I'm doing great. My partner says I'm a totally different person than I used to be. She says I'm doing really well and seem much less anxious than ever before.
The problem? I feel terrible. I'm so depressed I can hardly breath sometimes. And anxiety? I can't imagine it being worse. I don't want to get out of bed, don't want to go to work, don't want to leave the house, don't want to do much of anything. How can I seem so "great" to others? I'm not trying to hide my depression but they just can't see it. I have major anxiety about my job right now. I get sick just thinking about it. I cried half the day away on Friday right at my desk. It's all I can do not to quit. But going without health insurance right now stops me from being irresponsible and rash.
Did anyone else go through this in early recovery? This suffocating depression? This feeling of absolute hopelessness?
I plan to discuss it with my counselor this week because I'm a little afraid of the path it's leading me down.
I've been sober close to 30 days now thanks to AA and the intensive outpatient rehab program I'm in. My counselor says I'm doing great. My partner says I'm a totally different person than I used to be. She says I'm doing really well and seem much less anxious than ever before.
The problem? I feel terrible. I'm so depressed I can hardly breath sometimes. And anxiety? I can't imagine it being worse. I don't want to get out of bed, don't want to go to work, don't want to leave the house, don't want to do much of anything. How can I seem so "great" to others? I'm not trying to hide my depression but they just can't see it. I have major anxiety about my job right now. I get sick just thinking about it. I cried half the day away on Friday right at my desk. It's all I can do not to quit. But going without health insurance right now stops me from being irresponsible and rash.
Did anyone else go through this in early recovery? This suffocating depression? This feeling of absolute hopelessness?
I plan to discuss it with my counselor this week because I'm a little afraid of the path it's leading me down.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I'm so sorry you are having these difficulties
and hope they will soon abate....
Early sobriety is often full of all sorts of emotional feelings
and sometimes time will ease them....sometimes Med's are required.
No one but a professional can acess as to what you need.
So yes...staying connected to a counselor is wise.
It's remarkable you are going out...working...getting to meetings
despite the feelings. Good for you!
Well done on your progress...
and hope they will soon abate....
Early sobriety is often full of all sorts of emotional feelings
and sometimes time will ease them....sometimes Med's are required.
No one but a professional can acess as to what you need.
So yes...staying connected to a counselor is wise.
It's remarkable you are going out...working...getting to meetings
despite the feelings. Good for you!
Well done on your progress...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 6
I'm 9 months sober from a lifetime of booze and a gnarly depression came over me recently,i'm exercising and going to a lot of aa meetings and it helps but i'm convinced we addicts feel more than normal people,we feel higher highs and of course the lower lows,we're f'in special,ha.Anyhow i'm avoiding going back on anti-depressants,i figure since i'm off booze,painkillers,pot and blow my brain chemicals have to balance out eventually,all those years that i was drugging my problems into submission have led to this period of time of heightened awareness of my problems and carnage,we are resilient and breakthrough eventually,hopefully it's sooner than later.Best to all
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,502
Yes, Carol is absolutely right.
Your body, mind and spirit are going through a lot of changes. It could be that your depression/anxiety will clear up soon. It might also be something that you want to talk to your dr about and perhaps consider counselling and/or medication.
The main thing is to have faith that you can get through this and you will feel better.
Your body, mind and spirit are going through a lot of changes. It could be that your depression/anxiety will clear up soon. It might also be something that you want to talk to your dr about and perhaps consider counselling and/or medication.
The main thing is to have faith that you can get through this and you will feel better.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 35
I was going to post the same question - 30 day blues - I honestly just don't get it. I'm more stinkin confused now then when I was drinking. I feel better physically - meaning I can get up in the morning and my body isn't killing me from sleeping in some passed out contorted position on a chair, couch, floor etc.. But my head is gonzo! I can not see a path forward. I've read the big book over the past week to see if that will help with this, and this "higher power" is even MORE confusing. (not having faith myself isn't helping).
I am on an anti depressant - nothing heavy. So everything points to me not having this screwed navigation issue. Like all of us I have a ton going on right now, and I actually thought to myself today, 'maybe now wasn't the right time to attempt this'
THAT REALLY SCARED ME.
I got to a meeting today and have one tomorrow that I really look forward to so I'm not feeling scared of a drink tonight - I'm more feeling scared about this whole thing.
I could really use some feedback on this one.
thanks all.
I am on an anti depressant - nothing heavy. So everything points to me not having this screwed navigation issue. Like all of us I have a ton going on right now, and I actually thought to myself today, 'maybe now wasn't the right time to attempt this'
THAT REALLY SCARED ME.
I got to a meeting today and have one tomorrow that I really look forward to so I'm not feeling scared of a drink tonight - I'm more feeling scared about this whole thing.
I could really use some feedback on this one.
thanks all.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
"Silly," there are people here who advise to draw a distinction between what you can get from AA and what you can get from outside AA (doctor, counsellor, etc). I know you mentioned you are facing some limitations due to insurance issues, so hopefully you will get what you need from the counsellor. In the best case scenario, I can imagine a person having friends in AA who are very much in tune with the things you experience. In the worst one though, I can imagine people who would think only in terms of the program though and not have a clue about depression and what's going on in your body and mind. So I am emphasizing the idea of drawing from all the right places.
For me (it was 15 months ago), I noticed an elation after I quit, but there was also a huge depression and lethargy. I shut down and all the gumption was gone. I look upon it as the aftermath of a chemical war and it takes time. I noticed it would get better when I would force myself to stay busy and physically active. It would come back if I slowed down too much. Insomnia would come and go too. I am not Mr Health and Cheery Fitness, but if you can try to indoctrinate yourself with a bit of that, it would be good - in terms of food, activity, exposure to positive stuff in books/TV, etc, fresh air, people you see (people you should not see) - you name it. That can help.
For me (it was 15 months ago), I noticed an elation after I quit, but there was also a huge depression and lethargy. I shut down and all the gumption was gone. I look upon it as the aftermath of a chemical war and it takes time. I noticed it would get better when I would force myself to stay busy and physically active. It would come back if I slowed down too much. Insomnia would come and go too. I am not Mr Health and Cheery Fitness, but if you can try to indoctrinate yourself with a bit of that, it would be good - in terms of food, activity, exposure to positive stuff in books/TV, etc, fresh air, people you see (people you should not see) - you name it. That can help.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
"I honestly just don't get it. I'm more stinkin confused now then when I was drinking..."
Hitek, I felt that way too. It was upsetting and scary. Part of me even thought it was my brain trying to trick me into thinking I needed to see things that way. Other times, I thought it was just the aftermath of living THAT kind of "normal" for so long. (In other words, I lived so long with the habit of drinking, that this was how to feel normal; now, I was without it. So of course it didn't seem like I was sharp.) I went with the latter, and kept going. There are still times that I think I am not as smart and "with it" as I was before I quit, but that hasn't stopped me. "Keep going" is the best I can think of.
The doctors are going to know better than I am whether there is something else to consider.
Hitek, I felt that way too. It was upsetting and scary. Part of me even thought it was my brain trying to trick me into thinking I needed to see things that way. Other times, I thought it was just the aftermath of living THAT kind of "normal" for so long. (In other words, I lived so long with the habit of drinking, that this was how to feel normal; now, I was without it. So of course it didn't seem like I was sharp.) I went with the latter, and kept going. There are still times that I think I am not as smart and "with it" as I was before I quit, but that hasn't stopped me. "Keep going" is the best I can think of.
The doctors are going to know better than I am whether there is something else to consider.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: The Great White North, eh? Beauty.
Posts: 159
I'm feeling that way right now...but I'm only on 5 days so I can't offer a hell of a lot in the way of encouragement - just sympathy. There's a big hole in my life where drinking was, and now there's just anxiety, loneliness, and a big pile of work in front of me. And yeah - "maybe it's not the right time" is a familiar one to me as well. It's like learning how to live as a different person, and it's more exhausting than most people realize.
My brain is drained.
My brain is drained.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 59
Originally Posted by Tlizard 
I'm 9 months sober from a lifetime of booze and a gnarly depression came over me recently,i'm exercising and going to a lot of aa meetings and it helps but i'm convinced we addicts feel more than normal people,we feel higher highs and of course the lower lows,we're f'in special,ha.Anyhow i'm avoiding going back on anti-depressants,i figure since i'm off booze,painkillers,pot and blow my brain chemicals have to balance out eventually,all those years that i was drugging my problems into submission have led to this period of time of heightened awareness of my problems and carnage,we are resilient and breakthrough eventually,hopefully it's sooner than later.Best to all
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
I've read that alcohol increases the release of dopamine and that our brains adjust to that. Then when we stop, it takes time for the brain to start making it's own dopamine again and balance itself out. (So we don't have that normal about of natural "feel good" chemical at first).
Still, I was surprised how tired I felt for the first few months - like walking through molasses. I would have gladly spent every day in bed...... and I was even on an anti-depressant already. I started thinking that it wasn't working anymore, but then at about 4 months, my energy started coming back, my outlook improved and my moods began to stabilize.
Some experts say it can take up to a year before we fully recover. I've seen some posts, too, that say it took them less than a year, or more than a year.
Definitely talk to a doctor - alcohol is only going to give you the same problems you had before PLUS more........:ghug3
Still, I was surprised how tired I felt for the first few months - like walking through molasses. I would have gladly spent every day in bed...... and I was even on an anti-depressant already. I started thinking that it wasn't working anymore, but then at about 4 months, my energy started coming back, my outlook improved and my moods began to stabilize.
Some experts say it can take up to a year before we fully recover. I've seen some posts, too, that say it took them less than a year, or more than a year.
Definitely talk to a doctor - alcohol is only going to give you the same problems you had before PLUS more........:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Yes, dopamine is the euphoric feeling from doing drugs/drink -which makes it hard for you to even out mentally. When there isn't a splurge of euphoria our brain has to learn how to function on an even keel. No jump starts.
I got nothin'
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
Yeah...I couldn't string together more than 80 days in a row sober until I got treatment for depression with therapy and meds. Now I'm approaching nearly 2 years sober. I'm much better overall.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Hollywood, FL
Posts: 30
I can only share my personal experience (a little over two months sober) but quite a lot that I went through (and am still going through, tho not as bad) on the roller coaster was attributable to Post Acute Withdrawal (PAWs)
I can't post a link yet, but there are several good articles out there if you Google them.
Paying special attention to diet, exercise and sleep helps the symptoms. Trying to remember the HALT acronym (never get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired) helps. Just knowing that it is to be expected that I will, from time to time, be confused or clumsy or blue helps.
I did some serious rewiring of my brain over the last decade. It is going to take some time to dust off the cobwebs up there and grow some new brain cells!
Know that you are not alone. As an added bonus, when I loose my keys or my glasses, I can blame it on PAWs for at least another nine months, and not old age!
I can't post a link yet, but there are several good articles out there if you Google them.
Paying special attention to diet, exercise and sleep helps the symptoms. Trying to remember the HALT acronym (never get too Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired) helps. Just knowing that it is to be expected that I will, from time to time, be confused or clumsy or blue helps.
I did some serious rewiring of my brain over the last decade. It is going to take some time to dust off the cobwebs up there and grow some new brain cells!
Know that you are not alone. As an added bonus, when I loose my keys or my glasses, I can blame it on PAWs for at least another nine months, and not old age!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 507
Thanks for your thoughts, everyone. I appreciate the input. I'm trying to be patient and accept that my body and mind have a lot of healing to do. I've vowed to do my best to start each day with positive affirmation and positive thinking. Hopefully that'll get things going on the right foot. And even if it doesn't give me the energy I need, it'll at least give me the mindset I need.
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
Hope today is a great day for you silly .... I can totally relate with the depression and anxiety in early sobriety. It took time but it did get better. It's that being patient thing that's difficult. 
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Alcohol TOTALLY screws with your brain.
If you'd been hit in the head and got a skull fracture, or had a stroke, with concomitant brain damage, you would most likely be feeling the same way. Physically better, but wondering WHY you are not thinking clearly or feeling "right".
Fortunately, the brain can form new pathways--ever known someone who recovered from a stroke? It takes time for that to happen.
I felt EXACTLY the same way when I was newly sober. It is now two and a half years for me, and it seems like a dim memory, but I remember feeling constantly frustrated, occasionally depressed, frequently anxious. There were days my brain "worked" for awhile and then it was like it shut down again.
That's actually VERY common, it is part of recovery, and you just need to be patient. Some people DO have anxiety and depression that require further treatment, but often just letting your brain heal will take care of all that on its own. I totally get that it feels scary to think this might be just how you are going to be, sober, but in all likelihood it isn't.
If you'd been hit in the head and got a skull fracture, or had a stroke, with concomitant brain damage, you would most likely be feeling the same way. Physically better, but wondering WHY you are not thinking clearly or feeling "right".
Fortunately, the brain can form new pathways--ever known someone who recovered from a stroke? It takes time for that to happen.
I felt EXACTLY the same way when I was newly sober. It is now two and a half years for me, and it seems like a dim memory, but I remember feeling constantly frustrated, occasionally depressed, frequently anxious. There were days my brain "worked" for awhile and then it was like it shut down again.
That's actually VERY common, it is part of recovery, and you just need to be patient. Some people DO have anxiety and depression that require further treatment, but often just letting your brain heal will take care of all that on its own. I totally get that it feels scary to think this might be just how you are going to be, sober, but in all likelihood it isn't.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 873
Yeah I'm on day 65 and right around the 30 day mark the formerly mild depression came roaring to the forefront. I could barely work and even now I'm just starting to snap out of it.
It's getting better though. Each day I feel a little better and have come to realize it's going to be a slow process and not a sea change.
It's getting better though. Each day I feel a little better and have come to realize it's going to be a slow process and not a sea change.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 6
Boozing blues
Originally Posted by gabagool
Hey, I think your right, not kidding around. I think I ABSOLUTELY felt stuff more than others before I started drinking...BOTH ways. Way happier than is socially exceptable, way more grateful to where it was embarassing, and waaay to hurt and angry when a real or imagined slight occured. It TOUGH to feel, feel, feel, all day long. Waaaay to many WAY ups and WAY downs. ANd Im NOT bi polar because I fit no other symptoms. To me drinking was just a real crappy way of dealing with that characteristic.
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