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Scared straight

Old 03-05-2011, 04:45 PM
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Scared straight

For the past 5 or so years, I have found my alcohol intake escalate to the point of drinking upwards of 10-20 drinks in one night of drinking. I don't drink everyday, maybe once a week, but it is starting to affect my work as I have done the calling out "sick" when hungover from drinking the night before thing on quite a few occasions. I have missed days of work, doctors appointments, and social engagements because of it. I am single and have always been, so when I get drunk I don't feel lonely or depressed because I am out with others "having fun".

This past week I was out of town for work. Coming in on that Friday was optional at the time but I had agreed to come in for a few hours. Well, I ended up getting so drunk the night before that I never made it in that Friday. What makes this one worse was that the customer was expecting me to be there, albeit not in a capacity that required me to be there. But I said I would be there and I wasn't. Not only does that reflect poorly on my character (as a drunk) but also potentially reflects poorly on the character of my company which in turn could blowback on me.

That is simply one illustration of the potential trouble and dangers my abuse of alcohol has gotten me into. I feel fortunate that I am able to see that I am dangerously close to hitting bottom and have to opportunity to right the ship now before hitting bottom.

So my journey into sobriety starts today and I look forward to reading and hearing everyone's success stories as an inspiration.
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Old 03-05-2011, 05:00 PM
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Hi backontrack. Work hard at your sobriety. Dont do the things that lead you to drink again, u will be faced with them many times. A fair wind to you
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Old 03-05-2011, 05:05 PM
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Welcome to SR backontrack! Good luck with your sobriety. Keep us posted.
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Old 03-05-2011, 05:06 PM
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Welcome! You're certainly not alone..... I had those missed appointments, days doing business while hungover, mornings spent in bed while things piled up......

And you're right - it only gets worse. You're making a great decision to reach out for some support. Figure out some ways/plans for those evenings when you know you'll be tempted. And keep reading and posting - you can do it!
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Old 03-05-2011, 06:09 PM
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Good for you for recognizing that it's time to take action!
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Old 03-05-2011, 06:16 PM
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Welcome! Glad you are here with us backontrack76
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Old 03-05-2011, 06:21 PM
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Welcome to our recovery community
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Old 03-05-2011, 07:14 PM
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Welcome -glad you made it.
You're lucky to catch this before you miss too much life. I did...I don't know where it all went...can't go back so I move ahead...that's all we can do. Good luck staying on the sobriety bus.
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Old 03-05-2011, 07:18 PM
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Old 03-05-2011, 07:32 PM
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Welcome!!
You can do this and you will be amazed at how much better you feel. Glad you are here.
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Old 03-05-2011, 08:00 PM
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Hey, it sounds like you have caught it just in time.

I started drinking about 5-6 years ago, I was displaying the same problems you describe. For the last year or more I have been drinking heavily about 15 bottles of bud everyday without fail, sometimes more if I drink slowly into the next morning. It really started to affect me and I would promise myself that I wouldn't drink the next evening, then 6pm would come around and I would go and get my beer.

I woke up on Wednesday (03/03/11) morning and decided enough was enough I managed to find this forum and read some of the posts which helped keep me focused. 6pm on Wednesday came round and I was desperate for my drink, my hands where shaking and I was in a very bad mood, I just sat in front of the tv uninterested in anything that was on. That first night was terrible I didn't sleep, my hands where shaking the whole night and my body was twitching like I was shivering, it was awful but I got through it, I logged onto here and just read through most of the posts. I finally managed 2 hours sleep at 10am Thursday morning.

When I read your post I had to sign up as I just remembered being in the same position as you not that long ago and wanting to share that experience with you. I wish you all the best and hope you post here again.

:-)
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Old 03-05-2011, 08:18 PM
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Welcome to SR BOT 76 ...and unknown 1 !
This site has helped beyond belief , the last 11 months.

Glad you are both here !?!
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Old 03-05-2011, 08:49 PM
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Welcome! Keep reading and posting!
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Old 03-05-2011, 10:11 PM
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Looking back, I can see how my calling in sick to work was one of the first major signs that my drinking had progressed. In my twenties, I would drink in a nice and tighty way. I'd get off of work, rush to the gym, get home and eat a good dinner and start drinking. I would normally drink from 7 - 11pm. When I hit thirty, I started "becoming one of the guys". I would skip my evening workout and go out for "happy hour". I found myself much more intoxicated and started to have to really force myself into work. Often worked hungover, but was able to manage.

When I hit 32, I would drink much longer than I did when I was younger. Those nights of ending my drinking at 11pm were looooong gone. I now was drinking until 2 and 3 am. Waking up some mornings so drunk I couldn't drive to work in fear of a DUI. The desire for the first drink was not a lot greater than it was when I was in my 20's (I always really looked forward to "having a few") but the loss of control was far greater at 32 compared to 22. I started to actually call in sick to work after drinking. What had changed? I had the same plan. Come home, eat dinner, and "enjoy" some drinks before bed. Why did I now require so much more? The answer is............ alcoholism!

The big book of AA talks about this in great detail. I always thought there was something devious about me. I thought I just needed to work out more so I was tired at 11pm after drinking, or I needed to be able to control my drinking better, or I needed to switch types of liquor. None of it worked. The only thing I could find (at the end) that could control my drinking was a xanax after drinking. I called it "turning the lights off". Now that I have been sober for over 90 days, I can see how lucky I was that I didn't die. I was in such denial that I had a problem at the end. I actually developed a xanax dependancy strictly to drink "better". Very scary stuff.

I have finally come to the decision that I am an alcoholic. No matter how much time passes, how much money I make or don't make, how good of physical condition I can get into, I will always be an alcoholic. My body processes alcohol differently from a normal drinker. Once we've crossed the line there is no going back.

I now have to figure out a way to exist in the world without alcohol. That is where AA comes in. In the past, I was MISERABLE when I was sober. Not any more. Sure, I have bad days, but everyone does. The difference now, I try to be a friend to myself instead of my own worst enemy.

Today, I don't take xanax, I don't stay up until 3am on a workday, I don't drink bathtubs full of whiskey... I simply have become willing to take my plan for living and throw it aside. I try and take direction from people that know this sober road better than I. I feel like my 9 month old baby. He's just learning to crawl and so is his dad.

Best of luck to you!!!
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Old 03-05-2011, 10:55 PM
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Scary stuff. I have taken a sleeping pill after a full night of drinking for my lights out. I am one lucky lady to still be with us! It was a new level of alcoholism...just couldn't get enough no matter how much I drank. And got more and more sick. I don't even know when that happened. Reggie you broke it down in decades but I honestly don't know when I crossed my line. All I know is I am VERY aware of the line. It can stay where I left it. I do believe if we go back to drinking..it will be waiting for us to pick up where we left off.
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