Suggestions For a Talk...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 1
Suggestions For a Talk...
I need some advice. I'll try to be brief.
Recently discovered some empty bottles and last night she came home from work with one in her handbag. Some of the bottles are months old as I found them in the kitchen, asked her about them and because my son had seen them also, just thought I'd jumped to a conclusion. Until last night.
She's gotten two speeding tickets in the last 3 weeks and it's pretty obvious she's drinking at work.
She was so drunk last week that she doesn't remember parts of a phone conversation she had with someone that lasted 5.5 hours. Next day, all she had to say was that I didn't trust her and it was all me.
The memory lapses have happened before after some late night, deep, intense conversations. I couldn't understand it then, but hindsight is 20/20.
I'll be talking with her this afternoon and I was hoping to get some ideas.
She's loved, I'll remind her of that.
I know to keep it focused on the drinking, driving and safety.
I expect the anger, the denial, the accusations.
I know it's up to her.
But this talk is on me.
Her parents and sisters battled/battle alchohol, so she knows all the tricks. I'm clueless. I never knew.
I can do only so much research between now and this afternoon.
Whatever you can offer is appreciated. Thanks.
Recently discovered some empty bottles and last night she came home from work with one in her handbag. Some of the bottles are months old as I found them in the kitchen, asked her about them and because my son had seen them also, just thought I'd jumped to a conclusion. Until last night.
She's gotten two speeding tickets in the last 3 weeks and it's pretty obvious she's drinking at work.
She was so drunk last week that she doesn't remember parts of a phone conversation she had with someone that lasted 5.5 hours. Next day, all she had to say was that I didn't trust her and it was all me.
The memory lapses have happened before after some late night, deep, intense conversations. I couldn't understand it then, but hindsight is 20/20.
I'll be talking with her this afternoon and I was hoping to get some ideas.
She's loved, I'll remind her of that.
I know to keep it focused on the drinking, driving and safety.
I expect the anger, the denial, the accusations.
I know it's up to her.
But this talk is on me.
Her parents and sisters battled/battle alchohol, so she knows all the tricks. I'm clueless. I never knew.
I can do only so much research between now and this afternoon.
Whatever you can offer is appreciated. Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Up, Up and Away
Posts: 434
I would suggest reading in the Friends and Family forum. Best wishes.
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: New England
Posts: 5,285
When I was drinking I desperately wanted someone to try and stop me...I don't know that I would have but I wanted someone to care. She's lucky to have you. I don't know how it will turn out but I wish you all the best.
Hugs,
LaFemme
Hugs,
LaFemme
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: scotland
Posts: 260
I understand how difficult this is...I have a twin sister who is an alcoholic, Good Luck with the talk I hope she takes it in. You may want to wait until she is sober, that way you will know she is hearing your words.
I agree with BobGT in looking around the f&f section, you will get a lot of support there. This forum has been a god send for me & helped me to look at my role in her life...a sister who loves her, not her fixer. I was fighting a losing battle for yrs upon yrs with that. Wishing you all the best, good luck.
I agree with BobGT in looking around the f&f section, you will get a lot of support there. This forum has been a god send for me & helped me to look at my role in her life...a sister who loves her, not her fixer. I was fighting a losing battle for yrs upon yrs with that. Wishing you all the best, good luck.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Her first reaction, I can almost guarentee, is that you're crazy and she doesn't have a problem. That's denial.
But you are planting the seed...let it grow naturally. Don't harp on her daily. Say what's in your heart and don't expect her to take it lightly.
Speaking from experience she will not stop drinking anytime soon and it will take your patience and maybe a DUI for her to realize she really does have a problem. If you attack this with respect you may get farther. People turn to alcohol for a reason, they aren't 'just drunks' so maybe she had a situation in her life that has triggered this behavior. But don't remind her of her faults and beahavior when she's been drinking...it is embarrassing and there is a guilty feeling. You are best to approach this by skimming the first layer off the top and just let her know you are concerned.
She is lucky to have someone who cares.
But you are planting the seed...let it grow naturally. Don't harp on her daily. Say what's in your heart and don't expect her to take it lightly.
Speaking from experience she will not stop drinking anytime soon and it will take your patience and maybe a DUI for her to realize she really does have a problem. If you attack this with respect you may get farther. People turn to alcohol for a reason, they aren't 'just drunks' so maybe she had a situation in her life that has triggered this behavior. But don't remind her of her faults and beahavior when she's been drinking...it is embarrassing and there is a guilty feeling. You are best to approach this by skimming the first layer off the top and just let her know you are concerned.
She is lucky to have someone who cares.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Emerald Rose and Starting Out:
I agree with you completely and cannot say any more than you have, except perhaps that eventually an alcoholic may pay more attention if presented by a group, as in an intervention. But, as you suggest, the first step might well be a carefully phrased and loving talk to "plant the seed" as you say. And it may take something stronger like a DUI. I was myself a hard case and denial was very strong. It took years unfortunately. Good luck in your efforts, Starting Out!
W.
I agree with you completely and cannot say any more than you have, except perhaps that eventually an alcoholic may pay more attention if presented by a group, as in an intervention. But, as you suggest, the first step might well be a carefully phrased and loving talk to "plant the seed" as you say. And it may take something stronger like a DUI. I was myself a hard case and denial was very strong. It took years unfortunately. Good luck in your efforts, Starting Out!
W.
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