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When I say no, I mean no

Old 03-04-2011, 07:11 PM
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When I say no, I mean no

I can't stand my workmates! They get drunk all the time and they've put me in so many situations where they encourage me to get screwed. They keep trying to get me out to parties, they keep trying to get me out, why can't they understand "no"? I don't think of myself as an alcoholic, but once we get started, like most binge drinking sessions, it becomes tempting to just get hammered, and it worries me sometimes when I think about all the times when I've not been able to resist alcohol and not been able to settle for one beer.

That's how they start - they will say 'one beer' and it will turn into more. Recently I've been more strict, I will make it literally one beer and they will try to turn it into more. I refuse to go to their parties, or their going-out sessions anymore. And even tonight, they tried to get me drinking! I said I wasn't going to drink, just a coke please, and they put a beer down in front of me. I didn't touch it! Why don't they get it???

I don't care if they get unhappy when I don't drink, I don't care if they want to drink their lives away, I just get really annoyed when they try to get me drinking. When I say "no" and think "no" hard enough I will NOT drink. Is this over reacting?
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Old 03-04-2011, 07:20 PM
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Your friends don't get you drunk. You do.
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Old 03-04-2011, 07:23 PM
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No, you aren't over reacting, but you aren't enforcing your boundary very well, either. If you don't want to go out with them, then don't go. If you keep giving in, they'll keep asking you and trying to pressure you. Just don't go.
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Old 03-04-2011, 07:33 PM
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If you don't consider yourself an alcoholic why is this such a problem? I'm not being rude -just trying to understand.
Are these binges once a week? Once a day? Do you have other friends besides these workmates? Can you get away with just having one beer without snapping?
I don't think you're over reacting but I also think 'they' don't put you in these situations -you do.
I know for a fact that I AM an alcoholic and would never even go to a bar in my early recovery. I'm not a bar person anyway...but why set the trap?
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Old 03-04-2011, 07:51 PM
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If you don't consider yourself an alcoholic why is this such a problem? I'm not being rude -just trying to understand.
Are these binges once a week? Once a day? Do you have other friends besides these workmates? Can you get away with just having one beer without snapping?
I don't think you're over reacting but I also think 'they' don't put you in these situations -you do.
Sometimes I'll drink one beer or half a beer and then go do something else. I can sip a beer or a wine and I will not go on a binge. But it's really hard to quit drinking, I try to tell myself it isn't a problem when it is obviously affecting my life in a negative way - I can find it hard to resist and be in a bad mood if I don't drink.

You and FrothyJay are right, this is my behaviour, other people are not forcing me to do anything. There is a negative stigma though if I do not drink. I know that other people are encouraging me to drink, to get drunk with them, but I can resist this. And I think it is because I don't really like my workmates, I have to be drinking to get along better with them socially. But this is 100% my problem.

I know for a fact that I AM an alcoholic and would never even go to a bar in my early recovery. I'm not a bar person anyway...but why set the trap?
Considering I work behind a bar, and watching everyone drink while I stand around bored (and cross my fingers that I've been accepted into university so I can leave this dead end job) - it's not always easy to avoid alcohol. We usually get offered free drinks after our shifts too. I rarely accept them now. But everyone here just seems to always want to get wasted. You're not wrong at all, bars are traps.
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Old 03-04-2011, 08:13 PM
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Originally Posted by richardt View Post
Considering I work behind a bar, and watching everyone drink while I stand around bored .
Do ya think that maybe you should find another job if you're having trouble in the alcohol department?

I waitressed at a small bar/rest. just this past October (I didn't have enough hours to pay bills so I left) and the bartender would keep my plastic cup full of coke -and whiskey.
Very very very bad place to be employed if you question your ability in handling alcohol. Just saying.

If you don't care for your workmates change your playmates and playground.
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Old 03-04-2011, 08:18 PM
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I really don't mean to sound rude, but I honestly don't know how to say this other than to just say it. I see all kinds of red flags in your last post. You are right about one thing though; it is hard to quit drinking. It's even harder when you continually put yourself in the danger zone. Either you want sobriety or you don't. And, from what you've posted...when you say no, you don't really mean no.
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Old 03-04-2011, 08:22 PM
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I'm sat here ****** off my face and you're too ***** to say no?

LOL

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Old 03-04-2011, 08:27 PM
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Do ya think that maybe you should find another job if you're having trouble in the alcohol department?
Believe me, I am trying very hard to break out of this job, or these jobs. Skipping from one dead end job to another is not the answer, I don't want to be working with party people, big binge drinkers, because I AM having trouble controlling my drinking. Catering is where all my work experience and qualifications are in. Even then EmeraldRose, I don't think it is where I work, the problem is me.

I'm going to bed now - thank you very much for talking to me
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Old 03-04-2011, 08:32 PM
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Job? AVoiding people? Grow some balls son lol.
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Old 03-04-2011, 08:36 PM
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I'm sat here ****** off my face and you're too ***** to say no?

LOL

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Job? AVoiding people? Grow some balls son lol.
Thanks for the input, rickie...
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Old 03-04-2011, 09:21 PM
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Originally Posted by richardt View Post
Thanks for the input, rickie...
I'm being realistic. If people tell you it's "okay and take your time" they're not being honest and fair with you. That will lead to you drinking again.

Edit (!) I hope you can understand my thinking. Do you want to listen to some enabling, long winded sober reason on why you shouldn't drink. Of course you don't. Don't let yourself down.
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Old 03-04-2011, 11:43 PM
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These people are not your friends. I have found new friends that agree with me on alcohol use, in the rooms of AA.
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