I know what they're all thinking
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
I know what they're all thinking
That I am making a huge mistake and I am going to fail.
I already know thats what my family is thinking about me moving.
Maybe I'm just paranoid. This is seriously the first time I have EVER gone on my own. And still its not totally on my own. Only because my friend is letting me stay with him, But I still have to pay rent and stuff.
My gram keeps telling everyone she talks to that I am leaving because theres nothing here for me. Why wouldshe say that?
My entire family is here. But thats the problem and I know enough that I need to do this or I will probably never change.
My gram as much as she loves me is not good for my recovery at all.
I am going to miss everyone so much. And yea, I'm freakin nervous and really scared out of my mind almost. but I just feel like I need to do this. And I have felt this way for how long now? I been talking about this for at least a year or two.
I cant fail. I wont fail. This is it for me. No joke.
This is the moment of truth for me.
Can I really make it on my own?
I am pretty sure I can. But things change when you actually get there.
I feel kinda bad for leaving. I am leaving my little cousins. I am going to miss all their growing up. My cats. Everybody else.
Its not like I'm never coming back.
I worry that my gram will get sick and I am so far away.
But thats the thinking that keeps me stuck.
I am determined not to fail. I swear on everything I love this has got to be it.
I already know thats what my family is thinking about me moving.
Maybe I'm just paranoid. This is seriously the first time I have EVER gone on my own. And still its not totally on my own. Only because my friend is letting me stay with him, But I still have to pay rent and stuff.
My gram keeps telling everyone she talks to that I am leaving because theres nothing here for me. Why wouldshe say that?
My entire family is here. But thats the problem and I know enough that I need to do this or I will probably never change.
My gram as much as she loves me is not good for my recovery at all.
I am going to miss everyone so much. And yea, I'm freakin nervous and really scared out of my mind almost. but I just feel like I need to do this. And I have felt this way for how long now? I been talking about this for at least a year or two.
I cant fail. I wont fail. This is it for me. No joke.
This is the moment of truth for me.
Can I really make it on my own?
I am pretty sure I can. But things change when you actually get there.
I feel kinda bad for leaving. I am leaving my little cousins. I am going to miss all their growing up. My cats. Everybody else.
Its not like I'm never coming back.
I worry that my gram will get sick and I am so far away.
But thats the thinking that keeps me stuck.
I am determined not to fail. I swear on everything I love this has got to be it.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
Doing something new is always scary.
It's your choice Trish. That's pretty empowering.
I know you will have looked into your heart about this - if you have any doubts look again and make sure what you want, and then follow that.
D
It's your choice Trish. That's pretty empowering.
I know you will have looked into your heart about this - if you have any doubts look again and make sure what you want, and then follow that.
D
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 609
When you have lived with family and had them do things for you for a long time you begin to doubt your own ability to do things on your own, lose that confidence. I was in a similar situation at one point but I did manage on my own and learn some valuable things, how to create my own space and think for myself, I did a lot of growing up.
I don't feel comfortable telling you what to do or what you have to do, as this is your life. Getting better may not mean cutting connections altogether, it is just time to sort yourself out, you may be able to reestablish contact under better terms that you have more control over at some point.
I don't feel comfortable telling you what to do or what you have to do, as this is your life. Getting better may not mean cutting connections altogether, it is just time to sort yourself out, you may be able to reestablish contact under better terms that you have more control over at some point.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Oh no..I'm not cutting contact. Never that.
I just have to get away. I would never not talk to them for any period of time.
I justfeel like I need to go far enough away to discover myself without interference from them. Or me leaning on them.
I am making sure I will be dependent on myself.
I feel like its the right thing to do.
I feel hopeful and ambitious about it.
Just a little scared.You know like pushin the baby bird out of the nest for its first flight. Well I'm pushing myself. LOL
I just have to get away. I would never not talk to them for any period of time.
I justfeel like I need to go far enough away to discover myself without interference from them. Or me leaning on them.
I am making sure I will be dependent on myself.
I feel like its the right thing to do.
I feel hopeful and ambitious about it.
Just a little scared.You know like pushin the baby bird out of the nest for its first flight. Well I'm pushing myself. LOL
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
Well, it's not totally on your own in the sense that you have the friend who can rent space out to you and he had some connection with a job too. But it's all your project, all your own steps. Extremely important stuff. The most powerful people in the world need to rely on somebody somewhere along the line.
I don't know what your grandmother meant by the "nothing here for you" part (I thought it meant "she has to move on"). But what they all have to say, whether positive or negative, just can't be that important right now.
I'm excited just reading about the change you are making.
Let the scariness and unknown keep you busy. Chances are you will take pleasure in each detail you organize and work on for yourself, and long after you already there too. In my past, when I would make a change like that, I would find myself relying on my drinking to keep things "normal" and not really going forward with change. So don't be like I was. Don't "congratulate yourself" like I did (which was drinking). Go forward.
I don't know what your grandmother meant by the "nothing here for you" part (I thought it meant "she has to move on"). But what they all have to say, whether positive or negative, just can't be that important right now.
I'm excited just reading about the change you are making.
Let the scariness and unknown keep you busy. Chances are you will take pleasure in each detail you organize and work on for yourself, and long after you already there too. In my past, when I would make a change like that, I would find myself relying on my drinking to keep things "normal" and not really going forward with change. So don't be like I was. Don't "congratulate yourself" like I did (which was drinking). Go forward.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: I'm exactly where I should be.
Posts: 1,889
Look on the bright side...you can always move back!
New territory is always a scary thing...be it a new job, new house, new state...but if you are willing to forfeit alittle fear for the unknown and replace it with self confidence for a new beginning -then you got this!
New territory is always a scary thing...be it a new job, new house, new state...but if you are willing to forfeit alittle fear for the unknown and replace it with self confidence for a new beginning -then you got this!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Up, Up and Away
Posts: 434
Hi Aysha. I don't know you or your family, so I'm really guessing at what might be going on. But I suspect that the thought of separation is hard on your family as well as being hard for you.
I'm sure they love you and want the best for you, but that doesn't mean that they know what is best. Do they have the "just quit" attitude without understanding what quitting involves? Have they ever attended any Alanon type meetings?
From my reading here at SR, it seems to me that you need to change something to stay away from drugs. What you change is up to you, but you need to do something different and get more help than you have in the past.
Anyway, all of that is just my opinion, but I wanted to chime in to let you know I'm hoping everything works out great. You CAN turn things around. You just have to figure out the right changes.
(because I like that little guy.)
I'm sure they love you and want the best for you, but that doesn't mean that they know what is best. Do they have the "just quit" attitude without understanding what quitting involves? Have they ever attended any Alanon type meetings?
From my reading here at SR, it seems to me that you need to change something to stay away from drugs. What you change is up to you, but you need to do something different and get more help than you have in the past.
Anyway, all of that is just my opinion, but I wanted to chime in to let you know I'm hoping everything works out great. You CAN turn things around. You just have to figure out the right changes.
(because I like that little guy.)
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Does it ever stop? I am starting to feel resentful again. I dont want to feel like that. I def dont want to leave feeling like that.
The freakin enabling never stops!
I know I maybe should be grateful to have someone like that. But its suffocating me. Its defeating the purpose of what I need to do. I gotta get away. Tues cant get here fast enough. Why wont she just freakin stop!!!!!!!
The freakin enabling never stops!
I know I maybe should be grateful to have someone like that. But its suffocating me. Its defeating the purpose of what I need to do. I gotta get away. Tues cant get here fast enough. Why wont she just freakin stop!!!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
trish,
i have followed you from just about day one
as long as your doing this for the "right" reasons
you have a great shot at a new, way better future
fix trish, and all the rest will follow
love you girl
i have followed you from just about day one
as long as your doing this for the "right" reasons
you have a great shot at a new, way better future
fix trish, and all the rest will follow
love you girl
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Wow talk about setting yourself up for a hard fall if it happens?!
Aren't you simply moving state in order to get a fresh perspective on things and then going to see how it goes whilst there?
Have you got the meeting schedule for AA where you are going, this is probably not a good time to debate the merits of AA and just sit on a chair twice a week at the very least...
good luck anyways:-)
Aren't you simply moving state in order to get a fresh perspective on things and then going to see how it goes whilst there?
Have you got the meeting schedule for AA where you are going, this is probably not a good time to debate the merits of AA and just sit on a chair twice a week at the very least...
good luck anyways:-)
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 1,006
Ever since I've been hanging out at SR I've been interested in and inspired by your progress. I'm just a newbie, and I like to hear from you because you're so honest.
I don't know what to say except, one day at a time.
Be safe today; be good to yourself today; stay sober today.
I don't know what to say except, one day at a time.
Be safe today; be good to yourself today; stay sober today.
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