facing heartbreak sober
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
I screwed up a few times too, Joe. (Mostly in my career though as I've been avoiding serious personal relationships in my while life.)
Many of us did similar things in various areas, and will do in the future.... it's sort of human nature.
Maybe try not dwell on it too much?
See what else is out there?
Many of us did similar things in various areas, and will do in the future.... it's sort of human nature.
Maybe try not dwell on it too much?
See what else is out there?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Ontario
Posts: 806
Originally Posted by JoeStrummer 
I have been posting on this board for a few weeks, after lurking for months. As I said in my introductory post, I had been drinking about 1.5 – 2 bottles of wine a night (or the equivalent in beer and wiskey) for 30 years. After many false starts and relapses, I recently quit dinking for good.
During my drinking days I was a decent dad, but a lousy husband. I was wallowing in depression, stress and self-pity, and hung over and grumpy almost every day. Worst of all, unfaithful to my wife. I deserved it when she threw me out about 6 months ago.
Anyway, I genuinely do not want to drink ever again, and feel better than I have in years. Until today I even harbored a hope that my wife would take me back now that the much nicer, sober me has emerged. I look back on my behaviour during my years of drinking with incredible shame and guilt.
Over the past few weeks, my wife led me to believe that she was considering reconciling, and I was very happy and hopeful. Yesterday, however, I learned that she has already started dating guys who she has been meeting on an online dating site. It hit me like a shot in the gut. I’m feeling completely shattered. Despite my idiotic infidelity during my drinking years, I truly love my wife and can’t bear the thought of being without her. She says she’s over me, and I can’t blame her after the way I treated her, but it hurts like hell nonetheless.
My fellow recovering addicts, the good news is that I did not drink last night and will not drink today either.
Just venting. Thanks for reading.
During my drinking days I was a decent dad, but a lousy husband. I was wallowing in depression, stress and self-pity, and hung over and grumpy almost every day. Worst of all, unfaithful to my wife. I deserved it when she threw me out about 6 months ago.
Anyway, I genuinely do not want to drink ever again, and feel better than I have in years. Until today I even harbored a hope that my wife would take me back now that the much nicer, sober me has emerged. I look back on my behaviour during my years of drinking with incredible shame and guilt.
Over the past few weeks, my wife led me to believe that she was considering reconciling, and I was very happy and hopeful. Yesterday, however, I learned that she has already started dating guys who she has been meeting on an online dating site. It hit me like a shot in the gut. I’m feeling completely shattered. Despite my idiotic infidelity during my drinking years, I truly love my wife and can’t bear the thought of being without her. She says she’s over me, and I can’t blame her after the way I treated her, but it hurts like hell nonetheless.
My fellow recovering addicts, the good news is that I did not drink last night and will not drink today either.
Just venting. Thanks for reading.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Montreal
Posts: 85
My fellow addicts, I am so grateful for all your heartfelt words and wishes. I had a good chat with my wife today. She explained that she made a difficult decision a few months ago to give up on our marriage and move on. At the moment she is dating in order to get over me, but she hopes to find a good, sober man who she can trust. Although I now think that I can be that man, I acknowledge that she has very good reason to never trust me. She's been burned too often. I had my chance, in fact many chances, and I came to sobriety too late to save my marriage. The good news is that she wants our children to remain close to me, and I continue to spend lots of time with them every day, and she says that perhaps in the far future she and I might be together again, but not likely. As I said, she's a great woman and has every right to take this step in order to heal from the hurt I caused her.
I have to let her go, I know. I am happy to report that I have not drank and will not drink. My drinking is what led to all my problems and things can only get better sober. I am very thankful that I have finally come to realize that.
I have to let her go, I know. I am happy to report that I have not drank and will not drink. My drinking is what led to all my problems and things can only get better sober. I am very thankful that I have finally come to realize that.
Cause no harm
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Missouri
Posts: 596
Pain of broken relationships really hurt and leave us venerable. Do the very best you can to be honest with her and allow things to move in the direction that occurs. In the end, you will be a better person regardless of how this relationship resolves. I wish you the very best, Joe. Livestrong.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Montreal
Posts: 85
Today, my friends, is my 25th day without drinking. As if that wasn't good enough, my wife told me that she has noticed the changes in me, and that IF she can be convinced that I will be sober and faithful forever, I am still the man she wants to be with. We have had many very good conversations over the past week in which I have acknowledged to her how much I hurt her. She has agreed to couples counselling. She is far from being prepared to open her heart to me again, and I certainly can't blame her, but she is going to pursue counselling with an open mind to see if she can recover from her pain and learn to trust me again. Needless to say, this gives me added incentive to stay sober.
The gift of sobriety just keeps on giving! Thank you all again for your warm words and wishes, and all the best to all of you.
The gift of sobriety just keeps on giving! Thank you all again for your warm words and wishes, and all the best to all of you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Awesome, man. And I have to say, I've really admired your attitude, the way you own your mistakes 100%, and had nothing but good things to say about your wife even when you feared you'd lost her.
She sounds like a great woman. And I can see why she'd want to be with the sober you.
Best wishes for you both, JS.
She sounds like a great woman. And I can see why she'd want to be with the sober you.
Best wishes for you both, JS.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Montreal
Posts: 85
Thanks Ready. My wife is indeed a beautiful woman, inside and out. Of course when I was drinking I was consumed with depression and self-pity and instead of appreciating her I pushed her away and blamed her imperfections for my stupidity. As I sobered up and my mind cleared I realized what a great thing I had in her and what I had lost. Even if she decides that she cannot take me back I will always respect her. If I am lucky, I will be able to live the rest of my life with her as the good, honest man she fell in love with many years ago.
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