FrothyJay

A gross generalization, Supercrew. Can you try to avoid these?

Supercrew

My fault Jay, I was in my car and didn't word it correctly. I meant to say that you will be asked to rededicate yourself to the program.

yeahgr8

Just to point out that AA is not sitting sround and talking, there is an actual program to AA which is working the 12 steps...mind you before i was told this on my few trips to AA every few years i thought the same as you...but trust me there is tangeable work to be done in AA under the direction of a sponsor that you choose which effects a drastic personality change in you that ensures that you recover from alcoholism...what is it with this perception of AA that we are a bunch of moby's sitting around talking ****

Oh yeah your pattern was my pattern for years its not much fun for anyone involved is it...time to take a risk maybe?

FrothyJay

Relapses are serious and indicate that something is wrong in my recovery. Relapses aren't to be shrugged off as teachable moments-- relapses kill, either imediately, or over the course of time.

If your goal is just to stop drinking "most of the time," then relapsing isn't really relapsing-- it's controlled drinking. You aren't a recovering alcoholic, you're an active drinker who has told themselves that the periods of sobriety demonstrate control.

Most alcoholics that I know want to quit for good and for all. They recognize that a relapse may kill them. Now, they may still have them, but they recognize them as serious, life-threatening events that require more than simply dusting oneself off and getting back on the same horse. Cause that horse is going to take them to the same place.

ReadyAndAble

Posting in the car is a sign of another kind of addiction, Supercrew.

jch, I think you need to listen what yeahgr8 is saying. I know very little about AA, but I do know there's a lot more to it than just going to meetings.

I hope you post again and let us know what's happening, good or bad.

ReadyAndAble

Well said, Frothy. And damn straight.

Dee74

Hi jch

I'm glad you're back

Like I tell everyone, look at what happened, look at your recovery plan, and then think of things you can add to whatever you've been doing.

I hope this can be a turning point for you

D

Supercrew

But what if that horse is the AA 12 step program?

Kjell

Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly

I'm not good at quoting our AA literature, but I know the above quote comes from a section that discusses our promises.

Not everyone recovers at the same rate as everyone else, but it's my belief and experience it does work if worked properly and honestly.

Now if someone doesn't honestly want to work it properly, well then that's a completely different story and that responsability lies directly with the individual as to the results expected and achieved.

Kjell

Supercrew

Thanks for the response kjell, i appreciate it.

FrothyJay

First, let's not confuse the AA fellowship with the AA 12 step program. AA fellowship dominates the AA landscape nowadays (to our collective peril), and the AA program of recovery-- the 12 steps-- is typically, in my experience, viewed as "Super AA," for those people who want that extra special something. Not as the process that brings about a vital spiritual awakening that can help us not die.

But my point is-- most people who go to AA and relapse have not worked the 12 step program. Not all, but most. They've gone to 90 meetings in 90 days, heard people talk about the importance of getting a phone list, been given strict instructions to "just not pick up the first drink," been directed to "think the drink through," and that the only step they need to get right is the first step.

And then they drink, and say the AA program does not work. And yet, they were never introduced to the program.

In its zeal to be all things to all people, AA has become a bland recovery salad-bar. You have to look hard to find the program that is at the core of what AA is, when it should be front and center. And unfortunately, we all parrot the slogans (Work your own program, it's a selfish program) that we think reflect the principles of AA, when they actually run completely counter to those principles. The false has become true.

So, no-- if the horse you rode is the "don't drink and go to meetings" version of AA, you might want to try the recovery horse.

Second: people do drink after working the steps. This is not the same as saying the steps don't work for that person. Now, people can certainly decide that the steps did not work for them, but more often than not, I see people going back and trying to see where they might have missed something (a less than thorough first step experience, missed resentments, missed something on my sex inventory, not making amends and most common in my circle--failing to enlarge your spiritual life through the daily practice of inventory, amends, prayer and meditation).

Rickie

Don't worry bro. Crap happens.

If it makes you feel better, you probably didn't mess up as much as me last night. And if you did, I feel your pain lol!

Take care.

Supercrew

Thanks Jay for the very thoughtful explanation. I think it sort of reflects my own beliefs in recovery and in life, you can't fail if you keep trying. The only way to really fail is to quit trying.

Lipitor

I did again too. Last night. It started with one bourbon and coke and ended up with taxi rides to the bottle shop and this morning three empty bottles of wine. I cant remember drinking 2 of them..... ****.

Inafishbowl

I have an irrational fear of this relapse business. But I find this so interesting, Frothy. This came up in a meeting recently. There is a man in my big book study who has 20+ years of sobriety. He shared that he never got a sponsor, although did work the steps and continues to do so. Including confessing to another human being.....Another old timer continued on with that reminding us that sponsorship is NOT required by the big book and is a "newer" AA concept.


I really love the fellowship and must admit slacking stuck on step 4. Really need a tougher sponsor. As a newbie, I take this to heart. That the magic is in the steps. The fellowship just is the living proof. At least I hope I have that right.

Hang in there Lipitor and Stevie!

Dee74

Good to see you back here too Lipitor

D

EmeraldRose

Sorry about the 'relapse' but hopefully you remember the pain and try not to duplicate it. I drank on and off -more on than off and the off (like Jay says) was just controlled drinking. Just to prove to myself that I wasn't really an alcoholic and see? everyone? I can stop if I want to. HA but here I am...in rehab and AA.
But what does the little voice say in my head now? Knock it off...enough is enough...there is NO ROOM for the first drink...I've ruined enough people's lives with my addiction...there is no room for relapse...I can't drink...I'm done...I'm an alcoholic and I'm proud of my recovery... Life is changing...life is good...I like myself right now...my future awaits.
So reconsider where you want to be in 5 years. Try to AA or head to a counseling service. It does help!