I made it to 101 days today
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Ottawa, Ontario
Posts: 135
I made it to 101 days today
It's been ten years since I have been sober this long. 101 days. Wow. I can't believe it. My life is better and all that but I'm still struggling. My immediate reaction to pain and trouble is no longer to jump into a bottle but I still have issues. LOL. I guess I have to deal with them like everybody else now.
What did I do different this time? SR was a big one. I've tried to quit many times of course. At first I thought I had explored the bottom of my drinking...
But then as I examined my drinking towards the end there I found that I lacked commitment to alcoholism. Even though in the past drinking had blocked out emotions I was yet again experiencing emotion and pain. The amount I was drinking was not enough towards the end. If I was going succeed in my drinking I really had to commit to drinking more. Was I ready to take that step?
In other words, if I was going to keep drinking and go all the way to block out all my feelings I needed to stop fooling around and get serious. I needed to start drinking in the morning and a lot. A sustained attack on my body and mind was needed. In order to really find rock bottom and lose my house and any shred of dignity I had left I needed to embrace alcohol in a new and profound way. I guess I wasn't ready to commit to drinking the way I needed to in order to drink myself to death.
Yet again to reach a goal I was not ready to make the personal sacrifice in order to see something through to completion. So I failed to follow through while so many before me (and some continue to work at) had succeeded and put in the herculean work to drink all the way to the end. That was why I succeded this time. I was too lazy to put in the work and sweat to get to there. I was not able to commit to my drinking in order to finally obliterate my existence.
So glad that I realized it was too much work.
101 days sober = Life 101
A new course brought to you by sobriety college. You don't have to write any of the tests but you do have to show up for the class.
What did I do different this time? SR was a big one. I've tried to quit many times of course. At first I thought I had explored the bottom of my drinking...
But then as I examined my drinking towards the end there I found that I lacked commitment to alcoholism. Even though in the past drinking had blocked out emotions I was yet again experiencing emotion and pain. The amount I was drinking was not enough towards the end. If I was going succeed in my drinking I really had to commit to drinking more. Was I ready to take that step?
In other words, if I was going to keep drinking and go all the way to block out all my feelings I needed to stop fooling around and get serious. I needed to start drinking in the morning and a lot. A sustained attack on my body and mind was needed. In order to really find rock bottom and lose my house and any shred of dignity I had left I needed to embrace alcohol in a new and profound way. I guess I wasn't ready to commit to drinking the way I needed to in order to drink myself to death.
Yet again to reach a goal I was not ready to make the personal sacrifice in order to see something through to completion. So I failed to follow through while so many before me (and some continue to work at) had succeeded and put in the herculean work to drink all the way to the end. That was why I succeded this time. I was too lazy to put in the work and sweat to get to there. I was not able to commit to my drinking in order to finally obliterate my existence.
So glad that I realized it was too much work.
101 days sober = Life 101
A new course brought to you by sobriety college. You don't have to write any of the tests but you do have to show up for the class.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Congratulations!!! I did hit a really low bottom, got some clean time, then relapsed but it was a short one. I felt the same way you did...I wasn't willing to go ALL the way back to where I was, I was as miserable high, as I was clean, so I decided to give recovery a go. It WAS work drowning out everything, and I'm glad we both were "too lazy" to try
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
