stephanie119

Thanks to everyone who took the time to send supportive words my way. And Ron, the link was helpful. I have often wondered what really goes on in the minds and lives of the "perfect" families around me. I know that I usually appeared to have it together...and if I can pull it off, anyone can. I woke up this morning feeling healthy. I love that feeling! No drinks or smokes on the porch last night after lights out for the kids. Just some tv on a cozy couch...I still felt tired from my tour of drunkville the previous night. I have good energy today and I don't feel grumpy. I did, however, make a noticeable withdrawal from the candy section at the store today. Apparently I am replacing red wine with Red Hots....but I'll give that to myself today. Just can't make a habit of it. If I have to be in AA, a quit smoking group and Overeaters Anonymous, my days are just going to get too damn busy ;-). I am faced with a challenge this evening. It is my best friend's bday dinner. I offered to be the designated driver and said I wouldn't be drinking. Perhaps it is a situation to be avoided under most circumstances, but I feel I should go (and I'm looking forward to seeing her). As of this moment, I feel no desire to drink. But I am well aware that this could change on a dime once I am there. That being said, I've promised myself to write in on this site when I get home tonight....and I don't want to fail at this. My mom was a drunk...still can be. She was one of those awful, mentally abusive drunks....and I wanted to be nothing like her. And while I am the happiest drunk you will ever meet, I still became a drunk. Sitting on a porch in sub-zero temperatures with a drink in one hand and a smoke in the other? In many ways, I had become a portrait of my mother....and it sickens me. I am only glad that my children never experienced me that way. But they suffered my hangovers, nonetheless. I started drinking on the weekends when I was 14...in spite of seeing the ugliness that the drug had already brought to my life....after all, it was a great escape and I was NOT my mother, right? That's what I told myself. Those early memories of childhood abandonment and abuse are things I need to truly work through....and I sure can't do that drunk.

jerseytomato

Welcome and wtg on your decision! I can relate to what you said about your mother...my father was a drunk and begged us all never to pick up a drink. But, it couldn't happen to me right? Have you considered a counselor for your childhood issues?

SR is a wonderful resource with the most supportive, caring and understanding people and I don't know what I'd do without it in these early days of recovery (I'm on Day 7).

Inafishbowl

Stephanie, your post resinates with me on so many levels. The red wine mom part especially. My daughter didn't see me drunk very often, but the tortuous hangovers she had to deal with I feel horrible for. I've been seeking solice in tea at night and dark chocolate. The red wine packed on about 30lbs over the past 5 years. I actually had been on weight watchers before I quit. Since then, I'm still following the plan and the weight is melting off. I'm eating more too, since I did my best to drink a lot of my "points".

Big hugs. Let's stay in touch. I'm very new too.

artsoul

Trying to be a mom while dealing with a hangover has got to be the worst feeling....... I had quite a few of those myself. I have much more patience now and it's great not to be preoccupied, waiting for a chance to break out the wine.

Day 2 is great - and it get better and better! Thanks for the post - I sure could relate......

stephanie119

Hi guys!
I'm now sitting at home watching bad tv with Red Hots on my lap. But I didn't drink tonight! Yah me! I had a nice time at dinner and didn't struggle as much as I thought I might with my friends drinking. I think it will actually get harder before it gets easier. But I'm feeling good! Drove my friends home and will wake up without a hang over....to begin day 3! Goodnight!