MIBluebird

Yesterday it was 30 days and though I didn't want to make a big deal out of that (think I'm going to jinx it) I had some moments when the joy started to slip in. It was something to do with my dogs and I felt this feeling in my stomach that bubbled up into a giggle...and I haven't really laughed (or felt anything) in a long time. Thanks to everyone in SR - the ones who are new in recovery and those who have been sober for a long time. All of you are helping me on my journey to stay sober and I'm looking forward to much more joy to come.

LexieCat

Yay--congrats on your thirty days!

Joy will visit you a lot more often as time goes by!

pattenat

Bluebird - doesn't that first bit of REAL joy feel awesome. Keep up the good work and 30 days is a BIG deal. Thank you for sharing

JTele

That's great, Bluebird! At one time I would've never thought that being sober for 30 days would be such a milestone, but it is. I'm on day 28 and it's feeling great here, too.

CarolD

That's really good to know...

Kjell

Congrats BB!

30 days is great.

I remember when I was a few months sober, my sponsor picked me up to go to a meeting and it had snowed here in GA that day. He was "slipping and slidding" all around, taking off fast, breaking heavy, and we were laughing the whole way to the meeting.

After a few moments of laughing I suddenly got really quiet and he asked what was up.

It then hit me. I was having fun and it had been a while since that was true. Plus, my brain was wired to think that fun = guilt b/c my fun used to have strings attached when I was drinking.

I'll never forget that.

Kjell

MIBluebird

Thanks to all for your support. It is hard to recognize what joy feels like when I've been numbed by alcohol for so long...but the feeling is all the more amazing because it's real, not alcohol-induced.

bestofme

Im so VERY happy for you! Im in the same place after 4 years of daily drinking and opiate use.

Im in the same place right now, I used to blame my unhappiness on EVERYTHING and everyone, mainly where I live a big city as opposed to Hwaii and thought if I could just get back to Hawaii i would be OK.

Through my recovery and help of my AA support I came to realize that, that would not have changed me, I had to change me, I did and Im so happy. I, like you, have had just little tastes of joy, love and genuine happiness again, and that alone is the high I am now changing, I dont want to be numb ever again...I want to live everyday, good and not so good ones b.c 5 minutes of happiness, out of my worst day, is worth giving up even 5 second of the days, months years of misery that followed.

I never want to go back there, I hope you dont either

SSIL75

That is wonderful!

I have small kids and to protect them from all the bad news on TV we've started switching to QVC/HSN before bed. Just like 10 minutes we watch and laugh at how dumb some of it is. I was laughing last night and the JOY hit me, too. Just how innocent it was to sit there laughing at TV with my family. And so simple!!

If you told me 6 months ago I'd get a kick out of that I'd have rolled my eyes, thought 'lame' and went back to my drink. What a way to live!

Danae

I know that about 2 months after I stopped drinking I'd find myself smiling at something and feeling....happy! It was a totally different feeling than anything while I was drinking. The word joy does seem appropriate. It was simple, clean,strong and spontaneous.

Congrats and enjoy!

least

The most joy I feel about my recovery is directly related to my dogs. The fact that I'm taking excellent care of them now that I'm sober gives me such a huge helping of happiness. It's my daily reward for living sober: to see the love and good health in their eyes.

Kjell

I still have major guilt towards my actions and the environmont my two cats (and a few dogs) were living in at times.

Please don't misunderstand, my cats (and dogs) were well taken care of, regular vet visits, plenty of food, water, and attention, heck I worked for a pet product company for 11 years and the reaped the benefits, but...

Some of those "party" nights I could see the fear in their eyes (loud music, strange people, me acting weird I'm sure). Plus, sometimes I wouldn't come home and they'd either be stuck outside or inside for a bit and negleted.

Hope I didn't just hijack this thread, but I Least's post just struck a chord.

Kjell

Kmber2010

Well done Blue!!

Heyyyyy your avatar looks like my dog!

Dee74

Congratulations on 30 days MIBluebird - and on getting that joy back

D

DrunkenBasement

Great work! The moments will keep coming as long as you keep your eyes open to them. Sometimes they seem to come all at once... this past week was full of them for me. Sometimes they seem to slow down... but maybe I just wasn't paying attention. I have had some of the most joyful moments ever in the past 90+ days. I feel like a kid sometimes. I like kjell's story about slipping and sliding on the way to that meeting... I have moments like that, too, where I catch myself and stop for a moment to think about it. Sometimes I know I am walking around with a goofy smile on my face. I don't care! It feels good.

artsoul

GREAT post, MIB! I never realized either how alcohol took the joy of little things away from me. Now, when I walk outside to get my mail I really notice the breeze, the sky, just everything around me. While drinking, walking to the mailbox would just be another chore, something I had to do (or had to make myself do if I was hungover). And I'd be thinking that I hoped nothing would come in the mail that would add to my stress list, and also hoping none of the neighbors would come out and want to talk to me......... wow, what a difference.

Thanks again for the post!

reggiewayne

MIBluebird - Embrace your success. Getting into sobriety is one of my best achievements in life. I remember when I was active, I never wanted to bring attention to myself. If I did something good and got recognition for it, I would always brush it off. I'm not sure why I did that, probably has something to do with fear and ego (most everything does).

In sobriety I have learned that it's OK to be recognized for milestones. People are here and supportive for you and we think it's awesome that you made it to 30 days. That's a looooooooong time.

With regards to you feeling a little bit of joy. I've been told that is our soul waking up. I don't know about you, but I often felt I had no soul when I was drinking. Alcohol limits the amount of pain we can feel, but it also limits the amount of joy we feel as well. I see things so much differently today than I did when drinking. I think that is a result of my soul finally coming alive.

Keep up the good work and GOOD JOB ON 30 DAYS! You earned it!

MIBluebird

What a great way to start my morning...reading all of your posts and being able to relate to people who are just like me. Being sober, I have felt so alone and that no one understands the pain OR the simple joy that I'm starting to experience. I'm not sure I could have made it without SR. All of you give me hope and more importantly give me the strength to stay sober!