Did you struggle at first?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 7
Did you struggle at first?
In another post I talked about struggling with step 3 and drinking. Of course there are other times I drank, not just with the 3rd step struggle.
I guess my real question is (for those of you who attend AA) did you struggle at first to stay sober and then struggle with going back into the rooms after a relapse? Especially if you had relapsed several times (this will be my third time going back in just a little over a year).
I know I just need to go tonight (and I will) and get my 3rd white chip in a year, stay in meetings and do the work, but I have to say I'm really nervous about walking back in there.
I'm so nervous I have butterflies.
I guess my real question is (for those of you who attend AA) did you struggle at first to stay sober and then struggle with going back into the rooms after a relapse? Especially if you had relapsed several times (this will be my third time going back in just a little over a year).
I know I just need to go tonight (and I will) and get my 3rd white chip in a year, stay in meetings and do the work, but I have to say I'm really nervous about walking back in there.
I'm so nervous I have butterflies.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,477
I think many of struggle numerous times to stay sober.
I'm not an AA person, but I know I had to pick myself up countless times and begin again. The main thing is to not give up.
I'm not an AA person, but I know I had to pick myself up countless times and begin again. The main thing is to not give up.
12-Step Recovered Alkie
Join Date: May 2010
Location: West Bloomfield, MI
Posts: 5,797
Debbie...... you'll probably get better responses down in the 12-step forum - more AA ppl there 
.
As for struggling, I had an alcohol tether on so drinking would mean I was going to jail IMMEDIATELY. For whatever reason, the God of my understanding knew that would work on me.....so thankfully, I "couldn't" relapse for 9 months. Prior to that, I never really had a formal "not drinking" attempt.
HOWEVER, one of my sponsees had 6 yrs then went back out for 8. We've had in depth talks about it and, according to him, the worst part about coming back is the blow your ego takes. It "feels" bad. As for the reception you'll get.......I'll be my lunch it's nothing but overwhelmingly positive and loving.
The biggest problem with coming back is your pride and ego - the problem is only in your head. "Our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making" seems to apply pretty well here, huh?
You just get your butt back in the fellowship, find a good sponsor who's done the deal, is sober and happy, and get to work.... you'll be getting brass tokens before you know it.
I never took the plastic ones.....seemed kinda cheesey to me - almost "cheap" yanno?
.As for struggling, I had an alcohol tether on so drinking would mean I was going to jail IMMEDIATELY. For whatever reason, the God of my understanding knew that would work on me.....so thankfully, I "couldn't" relapse for 9 months. Prior to that, I never really had a formal "not drinking" attempt.
HOWEVER, one of my sponsees had 6 yrs then went back out for 8. We've had in depth talks about it and, according to him, the worst part about coming back is the blow your ego takes. It "feels" bad. As for the reception you'll get.......I'll be my lunch it's nothing but overwhelmingly positive and loving.
The biggest problem with coming back is your pride and ego - the problem is only in your head. "Our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making" seems to apply pretty well here, huh?
You just get your butt back in the fellowship, find a good sponsor who's done the deal, is sober and happy, and get to work.... you'll be getting brass tokens before you know it.
I never took the plastic ones.....seemed kinda cheesey to me - almost "cheap" yanno?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 34
I'm in a similar position to you. I'm going back to my first meeting after a relapse as well. I am pretty nervous to admit it, but I know that the rest of the room around me will be nothing but supportive. Even if I can't get myself to believe it until I see it. But I'm on my second relapse in about 4 months, they were both short, the first one 3-4 days the last one 2 with not as strong of stuff (for me its not booze its painkillers). But I know getting back on the horse is the only way to continue, beating yourself up gets you nowhere. I'm writing myself this as much for you as I am for me. My sponsor told me once that relapse is just part of the process and it happens. That he's not going to drop me because I relapsed. I know I want sobriety I just forget it from time to time. That's why I need to be going to meetings everyday, so I don't forget that I want sobriety.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 7
The meeting went well! I'm so glad I went. It was like going home. I know I belong there.
And my sponsor is still my sponsor. When I asked her if she was still willing to sponsor me, she said..why sure! I'm very grateful for that and feel very blessed to have someone like her sponsoring me.
Anna, I'm sure many people do struggle. I was so nervous then I talked to a girl that said she got so many white chips she could tile her bathroom lol but she kept coming back.
LOL DayTrader, the one I got tonight was very thick white plastic. Maybe the more you get they start matching the thickness of your head. Seriously though, you're right, pride and ego is a biggie when coming back and troubles of our own making does apply. You get to keep your lunch, they were great.
I'll check out the 12 Step forum.
Dee, thank goodness the tales are true. I was so glad to get that chip. For some reason this one means more to me than the other two.
Baschoen, were you going back tonight? It sounds like you have a great sponsor also. I'm so glad mine didn't drop me. If I don't stay in meetings I forget too. Even though I haven't worked all the steps, there's just something you walk away with after being in a meeting. Hope.
And my sponsor is still my sponsor.
When I asked her if she was still willing to sponsor me, she said..why sure! I'm very grateful for that and feel very blessed to have someone like her sponsoring me. Anna, I'm sure many people do struggle. I was so nervous then I talked to a girl that said she got so many white chips she could tile her bathroom lol but she kept coming back.
LOL DayTrader, the one I got tonight was very thick white plastic. Maybe the more you get they start matching the thickness of your head. Seriously though, you're right, pride and ego is a biggie when coming back and troubles of our own making does apply. You get to keep your lunch, they were great.
I'll check out the 12 Step forum.
Dee, thank goodness the tales are true. I was so glad to get that chip. For some reason this one means more to me than the other two.
Baschoen, were you going back tonight? It sounds like you have a great sponsor also. I'm so glad mine didn't drop me. If I don't stay in meetings I forget too. Even though I haven't worked all the steps, there's just something you walk away with after being in a meeting. Hope.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Good for you!!!! I love the part about matching the "thickness of our head!":rotfxko I was going to write something to boost your confidence, but you're already done it! WooHoo!
You should feel good about yourself - it's not easy (but then again, it only "hurts" for a minute!):ghug3
You should feel good about yourself - it's not easy (but then again, it only "hurts" for a minute!):ghug3
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 889
Welcome back Aroundorin. Yes. Yes. and Yes... I struggled for years truly admitting and accepting that I was really an alcoholic. I think the reason I was so reluctant to admit I had a problem is because I didn't think there was a solution. AA, god, sober friends, meetings, etc... that was for other people. I really thought it wasn't for me. You see, I was different (lol). I had real problems. If you had my problems, you'd drink to. I had an ex wife who was mean to me, boss's that didn't understand how great I was, friends who didn't appreciate all I did for them, a family that was far to hard on me, a wife that expected to much from me, blah blah blah blah blah...
Turns out none of that was true. THE PROBLEM WAS (AND WILL ALWAYS BE) ME!
I am my own worst enemy in life. Sure, bad things happen to me on occasion, but my reaction to the problems almost always made the problem 10 times worse.
With regards to step 3, I have heard a way to understand this step that made doing it much easier for me. Step 3 is about comparing plans. Take a look at your plan. Look at the people that you've hurt (probably unintentionally), the promises you've broken, the pain that you've inflected upon yourself, the bad decisions you've made, the fear, lonliness, hopelessness, etc... and ask yourself how is that working for you? If you're anything like me, there was a lot of planning and rules that went into making your plan.
From there go to an AA meeting. Simply compare the results. In meetings we listen and see people who have years of sobriety that seem truly happy. They don't talk of material things they have found happiness somewhere else. They speak of how grateful they are for what they have, they speak of working with others, the speak of leaning on their higher power, etc... all things that were not in Reggie's plan.
Bottom line is, for me, it was time to take my plan for life and throw it in the trash. I had to come to a point where I was willing to take direction. Like the BB says, "the grouch and the brainstorm are not for us". I want what many people in AA have. All I have to do is trust their plan and ditch mine. It's a simple program for complicated people. I've heard many times that God will drive people out of AA but alcohol brings them right back. Very true for this alcoholic.
Step 3 talks about turning our will and lives over the care of God as we understood him. It's funny how I was so reluctant to let god be my higher power but so willing to let alcohol be it...
To me, that is step 3... Best of luck to you!!!
Turns out none of that was true. THE PROBLEM WAS (AND WILL ALWAYS BE) ME!
I am my own worst enemy in life. Sure, bad things happen to me on occasion, but my reaction to the problems almost always made the problem 10 times worse.
With regards to step 3, I have heard a way to understand this step that made doing it much easier for me. Step 3 is about comparing plans. Take a look at your plan. Look at the people that you've hurt (probably unintentionally), the promises you've broken, the pain that you've inflected upon yourself, the bad decisions you've made, the fear, lonliness, hopelessness, etc... and ask yourself how is that working for you? If you're anything like me, there was a lot of planning and rules that went into making your plan.
From there go to an AA meeting. Simply compare the results. In meetings we listen and see people who have years of sobriety that seem truly happy. They don't talk of material things they have found happiness somewhere else. They speak of how grateful they are for what they have, they speak of working with others, the speak of leaning on their higher power, etc... all things that were not in Reggie's plan.
Bottom line is, for me, it was time to take my plan for life and throw it in the trash. I had to come to a point where I was willing to take direction. Like the BB says, "the grouch and the brainstorm are not for us". I want what many people in AA have. All I have to do is trust their plan and ditch mine. It's a simple program for complicated people. I've heard many times that God will drive people out of AA but alcohol brings them right back. Very true for this alcoholic.
Step 3 talks about turning our will and lives over the care of God as we understood him. It's funny how I was so reluctant to let god be my higher power but so willing to let alcohol be it...
To me, that is step 3... Best of luck to you!!!
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