bestofme

and going strong...I was REALLY tested last night but it ended up not being too hard, thank God I had everthing in place...when my H who still uses told me he was getting something 9and didnt not want to tell me b.c he didnt want to hide it and at least he was being honest) thank God I was already getting ready to meet a friend at a meeting or else I could have at least been tempted.

When I got home, thank God I was jelous of him, I wasnt angry, I was just OK. I dont want to be high anymore and miss my life and all these (baby steps) but little things I now see in my life (like having a life for example) and the way my HP is setting up every next step for me and already relieving me of the temptation to use, even if its in my face, and the even better thing is that I didnt have the usual resentment towards my H that usually turns into anger when hes using and sees me working so hard to get better.

I know we are growing apart, I knew we would but for being togehter half our lives, after a few weeks of me going in this other direction it is amaing how fast we are, and whats more amazing is I am OK with it. I have to be. He swears he will be stopping soon but for me and my daughter and has never mentioned himself so I know there is prob no wy. he also doesnt want to go to meetings, or do anyhting really so I dont know what his plan is, well its that he doesnt have one. So Ill just keep doing my thing, and I know its working b.c when i got home yesterday I wasnt jeelous, mad, feeling resentful towards him, I just felt OK like this is the natural progrossion of my recovery and I felt strong and didnt even want to use.

I know I was lucky yesterday and it wont always be that easy, but I guess I dont know that, I have surrendered, I dont know what is going on in my life anymore, im jsut following Gods lead, and my Sponsors, and all the Angels that are put in my life everyday and are teaching me how to live sober, whatever happens w/ my H in the process of me saving my life, getting healthy, and being most of all genuinally Happy for the firstt time in years, I wont let ANYTHING get in the way of that . now that I have had a taste of happiness, and a little of "me" back again I am going to (I know were not supposed to fight) and I have surrendered but if it comes to fighting for my happiness and to have a real life I got a little fight left in me

<3 Best

Ghostly

Congrats on day 12!

Auggie

Congratulations on Day 12!!! Sounds like a challenging environment to recover in. But it also sounds like you are strong enough to do what is best for you and your daughter.

I'm sending good thoughts your way. Keep checking in!!!

GodsHolyWill

Yeah!!!! You sound like you are doing wonderful! it also sounds like God is working powerfully in your life! He will NEVER let you down since He loves you and you are His beloved child! Rest in His arms when times get tough! God bless you!