Keep the faith...
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Join Date: May 2009
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Keep the faith...
That is what it's all about for me reallly, keeping the faith in recovery. For me then I have utter faith in recovery and the recovery process. I know it works and I have seen and felt it work. Sometimes you just gotta keep plodding along and working your recovery, having faith that when peace of mind isn't there then it will come back and last for 10x longer than the off-balance mind lasted. Sometimes you may question whether things are ever going to change but ultimately of course they will, as long as you keep doing what you've gotta do 'one day at a time' and staying true to yourself and honest.
It's such a beautiful thing for me when I get a return to a nice peaceful mind and that lovely feeling of optimism and hope. I think with the way that my mind works then I get lows where I have to keep on keeping on and keeping the faith and then the beautiful reward where all of a sudden it's as though a fog lifts and I just feel calm and peaceful and I am not looking to try to beat myself up and give myself a hard time. I gain a lot of my gratitude from just feeling mentally where i want to be at ie- peaceful, calm and hopeful, as it's just nice and I can think clearly and rationally.
I am grateful to be me and to have my mind as although it can cause me pain and so much thinking the flipside of this is that there is an amazing happiness and clarity too, it's so great and what makes recovery worth it for me. It may not always be easy being me but it is always worth it. ha-ha. I guess I just think a lot and that's OK and it means that I gain alot from that, both academically and socially, but it needn't be a curse providing I work my recovery daily and Keep the faith in my recovery.
Grateful to be sober and grateful to be me...
Peace
It's such a beautiful thing for me when I get a return to a nice peaceful mind and that lovely feeling of optimism and hope. I think with the way that my mind works then I get lows where I have to keep on keeping on and keeping the faith and then the beautiful reward where all of a sudden it's as though a fog lifts and I just feel calm and peaceful and I am not looking to try to beat myself up and give myself a hard time. I gain a lot of my gratitude from just feeling mentally where i want to be at ie- peaceful, calm and hopeful, as it's just nice and I can think clearly and rationally.
I am grateful to be me and to have my mind as although it can cause me pain and so much thinking the flipside of this is that there is an amazing happiness and clarity too, it's so great and what makes recovery worth it for me. It may not always be easy being me but it is always worth it. ha-ha. I guess I just think a lot and that's OK and it means that I gain alot from that, both academically and socially, but it needn't be a curse providing I work my recovery daily and Keep the faith in my recovery.
Grateful to be sober and grateful to be me...
Peace
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,841
Nice post, Neo! I think it's important to keep reminding ourselves how grateful we are to be sober and to remember how awful it felt to be trapped by our addiction(s). I know I feel a peace and serenity that I never could while I was drinking. Keep on keepin' on...one day at a time
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Originally Posted by FormerBeerLover 
I think it's important to keep reminding ourselves how grateful we are to be sober and to remember how awful it felt to be trapped by our addiction(s). I know I feel a peace and serenity that I never could while I was drinking. Keep on keepin' on...one day at a time
Peace
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Montreal
Posts: 85
Hi Neo. I'm new here, having just quit drinking 8 days ago. I've made some half assed attempts to quit in the past, but this time I am really determined to get and stay sober. I've been lurking on this site for months and enjoy reading your posts. Although it has nothing to do with my addiction, I thought I'd point out that I'm a lefty too. I'm not big on labels, but if I had to I'd call myself a libertarian Marxist, or anarchist.
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Join Date: May 2009
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Man, some days recovery/being an alcoholic is just plain crap.
It isn't surprising that there are no young people in their 20's seeminly getting sober, it really screws up things in relation to going out or where evrybody else goes, easier just to carry on with the status quo.
I don't know it's an awakard one, where do people go to bars, pubs, clubs and parties. But without booze, then what's the point. I know people say you don't have to drink to have a good time but honestly? Without the lure of the session then where's the incentive to go, afterall drinking is evrybody's main activity. I know join a knitting club, but then that wasn't my scene, know what I mean? I guess there's a reason why Britain is so hooked on drinking, it facilitates making a night out seem OK. Things can just seem so uneasy and quite honestly it's more of a burden than anything else.
I guess things will al materialise but some days it just seems like one big slog. Like i say all of the big stuff that people would gladly swap me for I have with apparent ease but then I guess I have to pay for that by the situation as far as being an alkie and a druggy goes. It would be easy to say b*llocks to it and I would be able to instantly go out on some nights out and I would actually want to instigate a night out, but I know it wouldn't last and ultimately I'd just end up drinking all alone and enjoy that more than the other stuff anyway probably. I guess somedays things can get me down and I just wonder about things. Sometimes having to mix with alkies at AA who are way older than me and frankly boring seems crap as well.
I guess I'l get my reward for all this frustration in the end hopefully, most days I ain't like this and i guess it's only human to get fed up from time to time. It's just difficult, that's all.
I often wonder whether people who say stuff about night's out and that live in the real world, but then again i guess it's easy to say when you never did it yourself and got sober 15 years later.
It isn't surprising that there are no young people in their 20's seeminly getting sober, it really screws up things in relation to going out or where evrybody else goes, easier just to carry on with the status quo.
I don't know it's an awakard one, where do people go to bars, pubs, clubs and parties. But without booze, then what's the point. I know people say you don't have to drink to have a good time but honestly? Without the lure of the session then where's the incentive to go, afterall drinking is evrybody's main activity. I know join a knitting club, but then that wasn't my scene, know what I mean? I guess there's a reason why Britain is so hooked on drinking, it facilitates making a night out seem OK. Things can just seem so uneasy and quite honestly it's more of a burden than anything else.
I guess things will al materialise but some days it just seems like one big slog. Like i say all of the big stuff that people would gladly swap me for I have with apparent ease but then I guess I have to pay for that by the situation as far as being an alkie and a druggy goes. It would be easy to say b*llocks to it and I would be able to instantly go out on some nights out and I would actually want to instigate a night out, but I know it wouldn't last and ultimately I'd just end up drinking all alone and enjoy that more than the other stuff anyway probably. I guess somedays things can get me down and I just wonder about things. Sometimes having to mix with alkies at AA who are way older than me and frankly boring seems crap as well.
I guess I'l get my reward for all this frustration in the end hopefully, most days I ain't like this and i guess it's only human to get fed up from time to time. It's just difficult, that's all.
I often wonder whether people who say stuff about night's out and that live in the real world, but then again i guess it's easy to say when you never did it yourself and got sober 15 years later.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 70
I got really sick of it today, wishing for atomic bombs kind of sick, the i could murder 18 beers kind of sick. However i've come to value my sobriety, and part of that has been in realizing how little booze helped to release or relieve my frustration and actually how counterproductive it was to that goal.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
Neo, I know this is one of the things that ticks you off. (The social side, the social demographic side - a dearth of 20-somethings who are like you). I guess you are saying by way of update that it is still like that for you, there are no people in your group who are similar to you and have gone through the same kind of past? (Or have no need to be around the nasty drinking/drugging environment?)
I wonder how correct you are. I don't say that to "challenge" you. I just wonder if there are "gems" where you are not looking somehow. That's what I would hope of course. Of course I would want the best for you. I wouldn't be the nice geezer (to YOU) that I am if I didn't
It seems like there have been a rash of younger types on the site lately, but I guess they are more often American. Plus "online" is not the same as down the street either.
Somebody mentioned on this thread recently that they are leftist and identify with you. I remember when I introduced myself as kind of conservative to you and laughing about it (a YEAR ago!).
I remember that bar life was a way of maintaining some kind of social life for me a long time ago, before my alcoholism was obvious to me. It was hard for me (and I think it's that way very often for people who are like me) to keep away from loneliness. The bar life didn't last of course, and the alcohol use lived longer. I am a bit of an isolationist even now (I'm picky!). So that makes me a bad choice for giving advice on it, at least from the point of view of leading by example. I hope you will keep looking at this, and find the right combination of friends to spice up your existence a bit (obviously without the drugs around). Something that has been pointed out to me a lot is that I was clueless that someone liked me ("fancied" or just liked), and yet I am supposed to be really good at being an observer. If you have that fault too, maybe there will be a silver lining soon. I wouldn't say to give up venting and just wear blinders (I equate that with avoiding a problem and giving strength to the wrong things). But keep asking yourself if you are doing the right thing once in a while; showing up at the right places, etc.
Not sure if this is in tune with your post or not.
XO
I wonder how correct you are. I don't say that to "challenge" you. I just wonder if there are "gems" where you are not looking somehow. That's what I would hope of course. Of course I would want the best for you. I wouldn't be the nice geezer (to YOU) that I am if I didn't
It seems like there have been a rash of younger types on the site lately, but I guess they are more often American. Plus "online" is not the same as down the street either.
Somebody mentioned on this thread recently that they are leftist and identify with you. I remember when I introduced myself as kind of conservative to you and laughing about it (a YEAR ago!).
I remember that bar life was a way of maintaining some kind of social life for me a long time ago, before my alcoholism was obvious to me. It was hard for me (and I think it's that way very often for people who are like me) to keep away from loneliness. The bar life didn't last of course, and the alcohol use lived longer. I am a bit of an isolationist even now (I'm picky!). So that makes me a bad choice for giving advice on it, at least from the point of view of leading by example. I hope you will keep looking at this, and find the right combination of friends to spice up your existence a bit (obviously without the drugs around). Something that has been pointed out to me a lot is that I was clueless that someone liked me ("fancied" or just liked), and yet I am supposed to be really good at being an observer. If you have that fault too, maybe there will be a silver lining soon. I wouldn't say to give up venting and just wear blinders (I equate that with avoiding a problem and giving strength to the wrong things). But keep asking yourself if you are doing the right thing once in a while; showing up at the right places, etc.
Not sure if this is in tune with your post or not.
XO
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Sorry you're a bit frustrated today Neo.
All I can offer you is the observation that you're absolutely doing the right thing for yourself...there have to be like minded folks out there...don't give up looking for them...
I hope you find them soon.
D
All I can offer you is the observation that you're absolutely doing the right thing for yourself...there have to be like minded folks out there...don't give up looking for them...
I hope you find them soon.
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Montreal
Posts: 85
Neo, I'm 50 years old, yet don't feel comfortable in AA meetings for various reasons. I'm only on day 9 sober. I lurked on this board for months before finally quitting. For what it's worth, your posts have been inspirational to me, and not just because I'm a fellow traveller.
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Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Keeping sober is the most important thing in my life. The most important decision I ever made was my decision to give up drinking.
I am convinced that my whole life depends on not taking that first drink. Nothing in the world is as important to me as my own sobriety.
Everything I have, my whole life depends on that one thing. I can't afford to forget this, not even for one minute.
Thanks to whoever posted this probably a year ago now. It's as relevant to me today as it was the first day I got sober and as it will always be for me. Alcoholism and addiciton is indeed cunning, baffling and powerful and knowing this is essential to me. Mixing with lots of younger people talking about drinking, antics whilst out drinking, when they're next drinking and arranging the night pre-drinking before the night out at the club inevitably can allow my alcoholic mind to try to latch onto certain things and inevitably stirs up lots of old memories about my drinking and drug taking as well as many sad memories too of emotional and mental pain that I have suffered with and can still suffer with over the last decade pretty much. It stirs up many extremely powerful emotional memories of old times that I had with people I was close to in time gone by. I have lived two lives in my lifetime, and I have many extremely powerful memories of times gone by and I'm grateful for that too. many will never experience such profound memories/feelings/emotions in their lifetimes I'm sure and that was a result od drink, drugs, music and good people on the same level as myself. I'm grateful for those times but I accept that they're gone.
I am convinced that my whole life depends on not taking that first drink. Nothing in the world is as important to me as my own sobriety.
Everything I have, my whole life depends on that one thing. I can't afford to forget this, not even for one minute.
Thanks to whoever posted this probably a year ago now. It's as relevant to me today as it was the first day I got sober and as it will always be for me. Alcoholism and addiciton is indeed cunning, baffling and powerful and knowing this is essential to me. Mixing with lots of younger people talking about drinking, antics whilst out drinking, when they're next drinking and arranging the night pre-drinking before the night out at the club inevitably can allow my alcoholic mind to try to latch onto certain things and inevitably stirs up lots of old memories about my drinking and drug taking as well as many sad memories too of emotional and mental pain that I have suffered with and can still suffer with over the last decade pretty much. It stirs up many extremely powerful emotional memories of old times that I had with people I was close to in time gone by. I have lived two lives in my lifetime, and I have many extremely powerful memories of times gone by and I'm grateful for that too. many will never experience such profound memories/feelings/emotions in their lifetimes I'm sure and that was a result od drink, drugs, music and good people on the same level as myself. I'm grateful for those times but I accept that they're gone.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Hi Neo - This was the first thread I read this morning..... I love the title "Keep the faith"..... I read it a couple days ago and enjoyed reading it again.
Whether you know it or not, you're laying the groundwork for the rest of your life right now. Sounds quite boring, I know, but I wonder where all the big drinkers your age will be in 5 years or 10, if they don't "grow out of it." There just aren't that many active alcoholics making a difference in a positive way......
You're a shining example - you have a great story, and you've already helped lots of us. We've been trained to think all there is to do is to party on the weekends, but how insane is that really? You're doing great Neo - Keep the Faith!
Whether you know it or not, you're laying the groundwork for the rest of your life right now. Sounds quite boring, I know, but I wonder where all the big drinkers your age will be in 5 years or 10, if they don't "grow out of it." There just aren't that many active alcoholics making a difference in a positive way......
You're a shining example - you have a great story, and you've already helped lots of us. We've been trained to think all there is to do is to party on the weekends, but how insane is that really? You're doing great Neo - Keep the Faith!
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Hey Artsoul, thanks for the message.
It's incredible how alcohol will destroy your life as it was interlinked with so many different things for me. I am going through some emotional/mental pain at the moment but I know it will pass. For me then from the age of about 14 alcohol totally and utterly shaped my mind, way of thinking, outlook and fundamanetally all the interaction that I enjoyed. All the banter that i used to have with people, the excitement I would have for holidays, pretty much all of the banter and reminiscing with people was about the mad times that were had whilst of course drinking and I was always the one who was really into the science of drugs - it just went hand in hand with my identity I guess and it's what I used to look forward to and made there a reason to go on holiday or do stuff. Nothing unusual there to be honest, and fairplay to most people who can still do that. I think maybe I'm suffering from a little depression at the moment and sometimes it seems hard to get excited about stuff. Like even music festivals and all that stuff is just off limits for me as like i say all of the madness that went with it whilst camping was where it was at for me, I sometimes feel uncomfortable having to be sensible and clean as I certainly was never straight edge (or whatever that term for sergeant safety types is ha-ha). I guess maybe I'm just mourning certain things and I guess I'm at first year at Uni so they're all 18 and I can sometimes feel like I'm all sensible... But at the end of the day then my thoughts of drinking are not like there's. When I get into a bad head space then i can feel alone in my head and I find myself looking at park benches and thinking how easy it would be drop out for a few hours but that's just old memories coming back. It's funny but people will never be able to understand how people could enjoy so much just getting absolutely mashed up all alone. That's where it was at for me in truth, all alone just absolutely totally and utterly obliterated so I couldn't even remember what my name was...
Recovery involves pain and for me then it's basically the fact that it seems like my mind was f*cked by a chemical and you don't realise how many things are missed because of the reliance on drinking and the thinking patterns involved. But it isn't all just related to me being an alcoholic to be honest, like I always say then it can sometimes feel uneasy being clean as my personality is not one of a clean and sober person at heart, I am rock n' roll through and through and sometimes being sober and clean seems at odds with that to me and inevitably then much of the old excitements and stuff to look forward to just isn't there anymore.
But I ain't complaining, my recovery has been good and I am fortunate to have such a solid identity as somebody in recovery. I have embraced that identity and it's given me a totally new future with great possibilities. I guess sometimes it all seems a bit sensible but then what's the alternatuve for me? drinking alone to oblviion and ultimately ending in tears at the end of a massive binge. It just ain't gonna happen and like I say it's probably because I have a little depression at the moment as well as some other stuff bugging me. But I'l be OK, it's all part of my journey and if was always easy then I guess I wouldn't have been an alcoholic in the first place, there is a reason why staying sober isn't easy and that's because alcohol has totally and utterly f*cked your mind in more ways than you can imagine. But I'm just overanalysing probably anyway and to be honest I really don't feel too bad at the moment and I'm just getting out what's in my head.
At the end of the day then I am doing fantastically well academically at Uni and received a letter home last week congratulating me on exam results from the first semester. That sort of thing could only happen because of my recovery. Without my recovery then i would be a hopeless alcoholic I have no doubt. Sometimes that can seem alluring too and I guess it's why people just stay in the cycle, it takes work and hard things to deal with emotionally and mentally to stay sober and progress forward, it does for me anyway.
Thanks again for the messages...
Peace
It's incredible how alcohol will destroy your life as it was interlinked with so many different things for me. I am going through some emotional/mental pain at the moment but I know it will pass. For me then from the age of about 14 alcohol totally and utterly shaped my mind, way of thinking, outlook and fundamanetally all the interaction that I enjoyed. All the banter that i used to have with people, the excitement I would have for holidays, pretty much all of the banter and reminiscing with people was about the mad times that were had whilst of course drinking and I was always the one who was really into the science of drugs - it just went hand in hand with my identity I guess and it's what I used to look forward to and made there a reason to go on holiday or do stuff. Nothing unusual there to be honest, and fairplay to most people who can still do that. I think maybe I'm suffering from a little depression at the moment and sometimes it seems hard to get excited about stuff. Like even music festivals and all that stuff is just off limits for me as like i say all of the madness that went with it whilst camping was where it was at for me, I sometimes feel uncomfortable having to be sensible and clean as I certainly was never straight edge (or whatever that term for sergeant safety types is ha-ha). I guess maybe I'm just mourning certain things and I guess I'm at first year at Uni so they're all 18 and I can sometimes feel like I'm all sensible... But at the end of the day then my thoughts of drinking are not like there's. When I get into a bad head space then i can feel alone in my head and I find myself looking at park benches and thinking how easy it would be drop out for a few hours but that's just old memories coming back. It's funny but people will never be able to understand how people could enjoy so much just getting absolutely mashed up all alone. That's where it was at for me in truth, all alone just absolutely totally and utterly obliterated so I couldn't even remember what my name was...
Recovery involves pain and for me then it's basically the fact that it seems like my mind was f*cked by a chemical and you don't realise how many things are missed because of the reliance on drinking and the thinking patterns involved. But it isn't all just related to me being an alcoholic to be honest, like I always say then it can sometimes feel uneasy being clean as my personality is not one of a clean and sober person at heart, I am rock n' roll through and through and sometimes being sober and clean seems at odds with that to me and inevitably then much of the old excitements and stuff to look forward to just isn't there anymore.
But I ain't complaining, my recovery has been good and I am fortunate to have such a solid identity as somebody in recovery. I have embraced that identity and it's given me a totally new future with great possibilities. I guess sometimes it all seems a bit sensible but then what's the alternatuve for me? drinking alone to oblviion and ultimately ending in tears at the end of a massive binge. It just ain't gonna happen and like I say it's probably because I have a little depression at the moment as well as some other stuff bugging me. But I'l be OK, it's all part of my journey and if was always easy then I guess I wouldn't have been an alcoholic in the first place, there is a reason why staying sober isn't easy and that's because alcohol has totally and utterly f*cked your mind in more ways than you can imagine. But I'm just overanalysing probably anyway and to be honest I really don't feel too bad at the moment and I'm just getting out what's in my head.
At the end of the day then I am doing fantastically well academically at Uni and received a letter home last week congratulating me on exam results from the first semester. That sort of thing could only happen because of my recovery. Without my recovery then i would be a hopeless alcoholic I have no doubt. Sometimes that can seem alluring too and I guess it's why people just stay in the cycle, it takes work and hard things to deal with emotionally and mentally to stay sober and progress forward, it does for me anyway.
Thanks again for the messages...
Peace
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