jme2788

How long does it take for you to "even out" emotionally... I am 5 months sober and still having ups and downs! With my (wonderful) thinking, 5 months sober should mean I'm figuring this thing out by now! I had 10 or 11 great days and I've been dragging through the last 5. Is this normal?? Will it ever subside?!

It's a common theme where I'm constantly going back and forth.

I have a sponsor, am almost done with step 9, I have been a speaker at meetings, I went to the Rehab Clinic tonight to talk to a patient, I call my sponsor daily and other people in the program, read the AA book, meetings, etc.

I'll admit that since I started feeling down I haven't been reading as much or calling as many people, but I don't know. I've been seriously considering using again. Thank God I went to talk to someone tonight, in order to help him and help myself.

Dee74

Hi jme

I don't think there's a timeframe - everybody's journey is different.

It took me about 6 months but I had counselling help - I don't know if that makes a difference...

I think I had an subconscious expectation that every day would be awesome....instead I learned there are days when I'll feel happy and days I'll feel sad, days when I'll rule the world and days when I'll feel like I'm ground into the dirt.

I believe that's what normal folks experience - I just numbed myself out away from all that for so long I forgot that was normal.

The main thing is these days I take all those days in my stride - and the peace and equanimity I get from that *is* awesome

The most important thing is if you feel like using again? reach out - even if the very last thing you want to do - reach out....talk it out....sponsor, doctor, peers, friends...don't isolate on this, man

D

Anna

I think it probably took me more than 6 months because I had a lot of guilt to deal with. So, I had up and down days for about a year. And, as Dee said, take each day as it comes. One thing I learned in early recoveryis that my emotions didn't control me. They were just emotions. I could feel them, acknowledge them and let them go. I didn't have to ride with them. This was big news to me!

jme2788

Thanks for the repsonse.. I tend to keep these things to myself until I HAVE to get it off my chest or risk drinking/drugging. I know my sponsor will ask what I'm doing differently, ask who I'm helping, ask what literature I'm reading, etc. but sometimes I don't want to hear it honestly. I feel like even if I'm doing all that stuff I can still feel lousy. I don't know!

BadCompany

Yep, the good days start stringing together more and more until a bad day is the outlier. Just wondering, it sounds like you are doing all the right stuff, have you stepped back and looked at what you have accomplished? I mean really looked. 5 months and on the 9th step you have done a fair piece of work, but you also need to step back from time to time and look at what that work has accomplished, that is a part of the ongoing inventory.

stanleyhouse

JME
Are you moving forward in your life like you are in sobriety? Sounds like you are growing in sobriety but if you aren't changing and growing in life you could feel stuck.
SH

jme2788

Thanks Anna. It's somewhat encouraging hearing that u had up and down days for about a year. I just don't know if this is part of the process or if I'm doing something wrong or what. It's funny how when I'm feeling great, and I hear someone complaining like I am now, I can almost get annoyed with them thinking to myself, "Don't you see what you're doing wrong?!"

and then it comes back to me and I'm begging for answers.. how hypocritical

jme2788

Thanks. I certainly have accomplished a ton, not the least of which is making my family happy. I tend to dismiss those things when I'm at points like this but you're absolutely right I need to acknowledge it.

I just want too much too fast

Dee74

hypocritical? nah...just human jme

I wanted to me a new me too - right now.

I realise now, after much struggle, it'll take what it takes - and the timetable is not entirely mine to make

My advice is go to the people you trust and get as many opinions/answers as you can - pray if you're a praying guy...keep an open mind to it all...and keep reaching out

Above all....don't fall backwards

D

jme2788

What do you mean by that?? Because I feel like I'm moving forward in my life, but not sobriety.. For example, I'm working, going to school, and accomplishing things but I'm not emotionally sober. Then again it's been a really bad day and I'm sure my perception is a little screwy.

BadCompany

Maybe you can help me, I'm trying to figure out which boot is bigger, the one you judge yourself (and others) with or the impatience. I ask because you seem to be kicking yourself with both.

jme2788

I'll take that advice. I'm feeling lousy but this too shall pass. And I'll probably be stronger and doing better than ever when it does.

jme2788

Both are bad. Probably the one I judge myself and others with.

jme2788

haha wow.. that's a good way of putting it

BadCompany

Ya had the answer before I posted it. Not too bad for a scrawny noooooob.

BadCompany

Being judgmental is a nasty one. It goes all the way back to the garden of eden. I have found that as I drop my judgments of others, that boot isn't around to kick myself with.

Anna

You might find it helpful if you look back to where you were and how you felt 5 months ago. I have periods when I feel stuck in my recovery and then when I look back, I can see how far I've come. I'm sure you've come a long way and accomplished a lot in the last 5 months. Be kind to yourself!

stanleyhouse

Jme
It sounds like your life is moving forward if you want to be doing all the things you mentioned. I pat myself on the back and say thank you for sobriety for the little and big things I do everyday.
Maybe you don't recognize your accomplishments.
I don't know about emotional sobriety but being content and peaceful starts with gratitude. I think two years sober is awesome. You are pretty young, these feelings about life happen to normal people too. The difference is you want to use, when that happens remind yourself that your life works because you are sober.
SH

jme2788

Does that take some time though?? Or how do I do that??

It's in my DNA.. It didn't used to be, but some time around when I entered High School till age 21 I started "judging" probably to make myself feel better.

I need to grow up! faster!

stanleyhouse

JME
sorry I meant five months. When I find myself judging someone I give myself a mental slap and force myself to send them love. This is so corny and uncomfortable that I don't judge very often.
You could read Your Sacred Self by Wayne Dyer. It would help a lot with ego and inner self.
SH