Notices

a question about relapsing

Old 02-25-2011, 01:18 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,691
a question about relapsing

Next door neighbor came round today, hes alcoholic drinking, told me some personal stuff from his past.

Im sober 8 weeks tomorrow.

Ended up giving him £2 for electricity, lending him a tv and also a shirt and tracksuit bottoms.

Very odd though how i can be helping someone else so earliy in my own personal recovery [16 years alcoholic]? How yet to socialize sober im not sure [the old come round for a drink[ classics still sweep in my mind.

Funny thing is hes talking about this girl and that girl. Ive never had a proper girl to speak of. Strangely i felt inadequate. And I was the sober one. Plus hes from a city where as im from some not great place [a tiny town].

My house is very small, i get claustraphobic when i have a guest over. This is something to accept and learn from [

Finally this person has told me that they were sober 10months before and then begun drinking. This has never happened to me so I find it difficult to relate.

Can anyone explain how this feels and how to relate to such individuals. Im just sober 8weeks[tomorrow] and really want to understand what its like to get sober then go back as i tend to think its weak-thats pretty unkind i no so maybe someone can shed light on the psychology of someone thats happened to and how i can further assist the person if i decide to do so

kevin
LeadHatter is offline  
Old 02-25-2011, 01:51 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,043
I wouldn't say it's weak Kevin - you'll have experienced yourself how hard sobriety can be.

Be careful not to underestimate things or people.
I think you'll find a lot of here maybe even most of us have relapsed.

I can only speak for myself, but I relapsed for a variety of reasons:

I wanted to get a hold of my drinking, but didn't want to quit for good...

I expected just not drinking would magically transform my life, and it didn't....

I didn't start to develop any others ways of coping with life, people, things, stress etc...so when the crises came as they always do, I turned back to booze.

and I just plain felt uncomfortable not drinking and I didn't look around for other ways to get through that.

Relapse is fairly common - but it's not mandatory - especially not if you do the work.

You get out what you put in, Kev.
D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 02-25-2011, 02:06 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
My opinion is- if you choose to help someone, in whatever way (lending money or clothes or what have you)- it's your choice and one should give without looking back. It is also completely within your power to draw boundaries for yourself, and say no. Personally, I would not worry so much how it feels for them- but how it feels for you. Ultimately, you are in charge of your recovery. With that in mind, I think it's okay to be selfish for awhile. What you did was kind, however it may be in your best interest as someone seeking a healthier lifestyle, to draw some lines and stick to them. Best of luck in your efforts- I know things are often more complicated than what can be conveyed online.
sleepie is offline  
Old 02-25-2011, 02:12 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,328
I'm glad to see you're looking at things in your life from your new perspective.

I relapsed a hundred times or more, but never with any amount of sobriety, so I don't know what it's like to be sober for many months and then go back to drinking. I can imagine it must be a most sad experience. As Dee said, change is crucial to recovery. Otherwise, it's easy to slip into old behaviours again.
Anna is online now  
Old 02-25-2011, 02:13 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Zebra1275's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 14,836
I think a lot of times the relapse thinking goes something like this.

The further in time you get away from your last drunk, and whatever consequences were involved, the better alcohol sounds as a solution to whatever current problems you have.
Zebra1275 is offline  
Old 02-25-2011, 02:29 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 581
If it was so easy to quit for good, Kevin, why is it that 100,000 people die from alcoholism in the United States each year?

I find it hard to believe that people who can't stop a behavior that's killing them are simply "weak."

I suggest you see how you do. I relapsed after 11 years of not drinking.
FrothyJay is offline  
Old 02-25-2011, 02:29 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,691
Thanks everyone. I can understand particularly what you said about expecting alcohol to magic stuff away and it not doing that Dee. It COULD be that im now beginning some good luck in my life [i have supportive parents/this site/stuff like movies and internet that in v early days could keep me well distracted enough].

I dont like to credit others without cause but perhaps when quitting everyone does not have the means and will to stay sober as i seem to have presently
LeadHatter is offline  
Old 02-25-2011, 02:32 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
Supercrew's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: SoCal CA
Posts: 1,319
My last and hopefully only relapse was just an error in judgement on my part. I had really lost the will to drink and was pretty happy with my sobriety, but I decided to see how a couple beers would effect me being that I hadn't drank in about 3 months.

I had 3 beers and got no buzz and nothing happened. A week later I tried again with 4 drinks, and still nothing happened.

2 weeks after that I drank a 6 pack, and it really had no effect. The following week I had a large golf tournament where a ton of alcohol was served for free. I drank moderately probably 10-12 drinks over 6 hours had fun, and nothing happened.

A week later I had another golf tournament, and did about the same as the last, then came home and drank all night. Next thing you know I was back in the pattern for about a month, 5 days a week for about 3 weeks, until I finally realized what I had done, I had slipped right back to full blown alcoholism. Next I embraced my recovery again as soon as I got back in my right mind and after a trip to the ER for detox.

I caused my relapse, but now I am glad it happened because it made it real clear to me that no matter whether anyone else things I'm an alcoholic or not, I know that I am. And it also made me realize how easy it is to fall back onto the same path, and each time will be worse than the last.
Supercrew is offline  
Old 02-25-2011, 02:34 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
Meursault's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Adelaide Australia
Posts: 2
Hi kevin, I relapsed after a few years of sobriety. I can relate to the following

Relapse is so common in the alcohol and drug recovery process that it is estimated more than 90 percent of those trying to remain abstinent have at least one relapse before they achieve lasting sobriety. But a relapse, sometimes called a "slip," doesn't begin when you pick up a drink or a drug. It is a slow process that begins long before you actually use.

The steps to a relapse are actually changes in attitudes, feelings and behaviors that gradually lead to the final step, picking up a drink or a drug.

Attitudes, Feelings and Behaviors
In 1982, researchers Terence T. Gorski and Merlene Miller identified a set of warning signs or steps that typically lead up to a relapse. Over the years, additional research has confirmed that the steps described in the Gorski and Miller study are "reliable and valid" predictors of alcohol and drug relapses.

If you are trying to obtain long-term sobriety and avoid having a relapse along the way, it is important to recognize the following warning signs and take action to keep them from progressing into a full-blown relapse.

11 Steps to a Relapse
Change in Attitude - For some reason you decide that participating in your recovery program is just not as important as it was. You may begin to return to what some call "stinking thinking" or unhealthy or addictive thinking. Basically, you are not working your program as you did previously. You feel something is wrong, but can't identify exactly what it is.

Elevated Stress - An increase in stress in your life can be due to a major change in circumstances or just little things building up. Returning to the "real world" after a stint in residential treatment can present many stressful situations. The danger is if you begin over-reacting to those situations. Be careful if you begin to have mood swings and exaggerated positive or negative feelings.

Reactivation of Denial - This is not denial that you have a drug or alcohol problem, it's denial that the stress is getting to you. You try to convince yourself that everything is OK, but it's not. You may be scared or worried, but you dismiss those feelings and you stop sharing those feelings with others. This is dangerous because this denial is very similar to denial of drug addiction or abuse.

Recurrence of Postacute Withdrawal Symptoms - Anxiety, depression, sleeplessness and memory loss can continue long after you quit drinking or doing drugs. Known as postacute withdrawal symptoms these symptoms can return during times of stress. They are dangerous because you may be tempted to self-medicate them with alcohol or drugs.

Behavior Change - You may begin to change the daily routine that you developed in early sobriety that helped you replace your compulsive behaviors with healthy alternatives. You might begin to practice avoidance or become defensive in situations that call for an honest evaluation of your behavior. You could begin using poor judgment and causing yourself problems due to impulsive behavior without thinking things through.

Social Breakdown - You may begin feeling uncomfortable around others and making excuses not to socialize. You stop hanging around sober friends or you withdraw from family members. You stop going to your support group meetings or you cut way back on the number of meetings you attend. You begin to isolate yourself.

Loss of Structure - You begin to completely abandon the daily routine or schedule that you developed in early sobriety. You may begin sleeping late, or ignoring personal hygiene or skipping meals. You stop making constructive plans and when the plans you do make don't work out, you overreact. You begin focusing on one small part of life to the exclusion of everything else.

Loss of Judgment - You begin to have trouble making decisions or you make unhealthy decisions. You may experience difficulty in managing your feelings and emotions. It may be hard to think clearly and you become confused easily. You may feel overwhelmed for no apparent reason or not being able to relax. You may become annoyed or angry easily.

Loss of Control - You make irrational choices and are unable to interrupt or alter those choices. You begin to actively cut off people who can help you. You begin to think that you can return to social drinking and recreational drug use and you can control it. You may begin to believe there is no hope. You lose confidence in your ability to manage your life.

Loss of Options - You begin to limit your options. You stop attending all meetings with counselors and your support groups and discontinue any pharmacotherapy treatments. You may feel loneliness, frustration, anger, resentment and tension. You might feel helpless and desperate. You come to believe that there are only three ways out: insanity, suicide, or self-medication with alcohol or drugs.

Relapse - You attempt controlled, "social" or short-term alcohol or drug use, but you are disappointed at the results and immediately experience shame and guilt. You quickly lose control and your alcohol and drug use spirals further out of control. This causes you increasing problems with relationships, jobs, money, mental and physical health. You need help getting sober again.
Sources:

National Institute on Drug Abuse. "Principles of Drug Addiction Treatment: A Research Based Guide." Revised 2007.
Meursault is offline  
Old 02-25-2011, 02:36 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,691
This message is a mistake -please delete
LeadHatter is offline  
Old 02-25-2011, 02:43 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,691
Thanks everyone. I am now retyping this message since i hit the wrong button but the gist of it is ty everyone who has replied, i think its possible or likely i have just learnt something so feel contented more so than i was when i posted this message.

i am now since i feel a bit like a treat off for choccy and maybe cola.

ty sr
LeadHatter is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:48 PM.