Do I like the Sober me?
 

I find that I am struggling with ME now that I am sober. Firstly, who am I now, who have I been for many years ...... and do I even like me?


My self esteem, my self worth is at rock bottom, and of course largely because of my cr@ppy decline into alcoholism. (Doesn't help of course to have suddenly lost my job, which felt like the only thing I had left that I was really good at). All of my negative self talk is at top volume now that I no longer have the booze to help keep it quiet.

I realised sometime last night, in the early wee hours when sleep of course wont come, that I have reached as low as I have ever been....emotionally. And all I wanted was for someone to reach out and tell me what a great person I am, tell me all of the wonderful things that I am. But of course there is no one there to do that... I've seen to that.

And then it dawned on me, I can no longer look for my self worth in anybody elses face. I can't rely on other people to tell me why I am a good person. I need to figure that out for myself, I need to find the me that I like and learn to love that me again.

I hope that somewhere inside is still the lost me that was kind, loving, funny, intelligent and curious. That was a giving, generous and loyal friend/partner. A person with a love of life and a person full of joy..... and passion.

I am terrified that she is lost.

Hey Manz - Great post........ - I didn't know how to be my own best friend either. After losing a job, anyone would tend to feel depressed I think - and you're getting sober on top of that. WOW - seems to me you have a lot to be proud of.

I didn't know if I could get me back either. Hel!, I forgot there was a "me" in there to begin with.......

It keeps getting better so hang in there. Some days I wanted to crawl in a hole with all the stuff I had to deal with, but then I'd have a stretch of days where things would go great and I would be so thankful I didn't drink on those bad days.

Use that wonderful insight you had and give yourself some TLC...... :ghug3

You have worth. You must have self care and love in order to move forward. Can you seek counseling ? It sounds as if you need help. Sometimes we get so far into ourselves that we are unable to sort it out with out some professional counsel.My prayers are with you... positive energy from my heart to yours. (()) Lushly

I had the same problem - at first. But after I was living sober for a while I truly began to like myself sober, as I was, and be ok with myself.:hug:

Hey Manz

I think we've all wrestled with those thoughts, doubts and fears in the early hours of morning (usually 3 am for me for some reason)

I drank for 20 years - it took some time for me to work out who I was, and it took even longer for me to be comfortable with who I was, but it happened.

I think it helped that I was determined to lay a few old ghosts and be the best person I could be too - with the help of a counsellor and the folks here, I really faced up to some pretty long standing stuff.

If you're trying your best to be your best, I can't see how you wouldn't like the end result Manz :)

D

When I first got sober I was pretty much where you are. With the help of a wonderful life coach I have made great strides towards being my own best friend and loving myself.

Hang out here for awhile...its a good place to figure stuff out.

I don't think she's lost! You described her very well! Just welcome her back! :hug:

Volunteer with Us - The Salvation Army New Zealand, Fiji & Tonga Territory

Just a thought, one way of getting out of yourself is to help others.

Some of the finest people I've ever met.

Hi Manz! I feel you. For me, a counselor really helped explain the mechanics of self-criticism to me. I hadn't understood before how, or why, self-criticism works as a cycle. It's still something I work on, as do many people. I hope in time you will feel better as you continue your recovery (and I think you will). :hug:

Manz -

I have a list of things I like about me and things I don't like about me. Everytime I start to feel this way I take a look at my list and see what I can do to change one thing I don't like, even just the smallest change.

And after I take a look at all the things I like and decide on what change I'm going to make I actually start feeling much better about myself.

Not that this would work for everyone but thought I'd share how I deal with myself when I start being mean to me.

Hi Manz-

I totally understand how you feel.

Feelings aren't always facts and we shouldn't believe everything we think.

There is a certain 12 step program that is design as a solution for your exact problem. Maybe check it out?

With or without AA or any other program - How well do you wanna get?

Kjell

I love the sober me, absolutely love the guy! A load of work and willingness to change and you too can become the person you were always meant to be and love yourself:-)

You'll find her. She's in there somewhere. It just takes time. Stay the course.