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Old 02-24-2011, 04:12 PM
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Is this the first time she's expressed concern about your drinking?

I'm having a hard time understanding your anger but I'm trying.
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Old 02-24-2011, 05:09 PM
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Thanks Dee. Im working on recovery. I will get the nerve for an AA meeting. Im sure once I go I will think "well that wasnt so hard" It sounds stupid but Im used to tasks and deadlines in ways of getting things done. Since I decided to quit drinking I dont see an end. Its hard to explain. I put a time limit on it...like...if you dont drink for 6 months you are cured and the slate is wiped clean. I know it doesnt work that way and i get frustrated. I wish I could stop thinking about it and put it behind me. Like I said..its hard to explain.


Originally Posted by Dee74 View Post
I guess we're not speaking the same language here B.

I spent basically 40 years wishing my family, and people in general, would cut me some slack and treat me the way I wanted them to.

I finally worked out I can't control other people

If I think someone has a point about things I've done, it really doesn't matter if they're a hypocrite or not - I'll try and better myself...

but if someone is just toxic for me, I leave them in the dust.

D
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Old 02-24-2011, 05:11 PM
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Understanding my anger? More like hurt...hurt feelings and devastation. My little sister said Im a drunk liar and she doesnt want that around her son.


Originally Posted by SSIL75 View Post
Is this the first time she's expressed concern about your drinking?

I'm having a hard time understanding your anger but I'm trying.
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Old 02-24-2011, 05:17 PM
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Forgive me for asking, but did you go by a different screen name before??
I'm so sorry the things your sister said has upset you. I have a sister, and I know it would break my heart if she was upset with me.
That being said, you have to keep your side of the street clean and apologize. Whether you think you were wrong or not. Unfortunately, when we are the ones who offend through our drinking, we are the ones who need to eat crow, at least for a while.
I hope you can patch this up. Sisters are forever.
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Old 02-24-2011, 05:20 PM
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No I have not changed my screen name. I did apologize and it fell on deaf ears. Her last text was "you AMAZE me. this is not my problem the problem is YOU"


Originally Posted by julez View Post
Forgive me for asking, but did you go by a different screen name before??
I'm so sorry the things your sister said has upset you. I have a sister, and I know it would break my heart if she was upset with me.
That being said, you have to keep your side of the street clean and apologize. Whether you think you were wrong or not. Unfortunately, when we are the ones who offend through our drinking, we are the ones who need to eat crow, at least for a while.
I hope you can patch this up. Sisters are forever.
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Old 02-24-2011, 05:21 PM
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I was a deadline and timetables person too - it was very hard for me to accept that I had a condition I could never, and would never, control...at least not in the sense of making it do what I wanted.

Living a day at a time was hard for me to grasp, but it helped me let go of the reins a little in all areas of my life - I think I'm a better person for it, and I know my life is better.

You're right in one way - there's no end...I believe there's no way to go back to drinking and have a different outcome - so, yeah, there's no cure.

But I have changed in recovery - I've become a better person than I used to be, and the fact that I'm a non drinker is a plus, not a minus now.

It's not something I chafe against now, it's something I very much want in my life.
The struggle is over

I hope you can get there soon too B
D
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Old 02-24-2011, 05:24 PM
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Thanks again Dee. I appreciate your help. Granted its not even 7:30 here...but Im going to go lay down. My brain is tired from thinking about the day I had.
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Old 02-24-2011, 05:32 PM
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Hurt, I can understand

I'm a very 'just do it' kind of person IRL. I like to be in control. Approaching recovery from the right angle has been a challenge. Because it hasn't been about control at all, but about surrender.
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Old 02-24-2011, 06:04 PM
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Originally Posted by OklaBH View Post
Yeah...perhaps I should get a sponsor. I read on the internet about recovery and post on here. Time to get real.
This is exactly how I feel... it's time to get real with my recovery. I had been going to a couple meetings here and there and coming here and doing internet research, and I did have some improvement but I'm still a mess. I just decided the other day to get serious. I got a sponsor and I'm going to really get in to the program. Too soon to speak of results, but I feel so much better with a real plan of action that I'm carrying out. I really feel like I have hope.

I'm sorry you're hurting so much, but I think the best way to heal your relationships and resentments is to GET SOBER FOR REAL! I'm willing to bet that with time and sobriety your relationships will heal. And if not, at least you'll be sober and better able to deal with it.

Best of luck to us both!
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Old 02-24-2011, 08:42 PM
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Well you tried to reach out. You got shot down..for now. Perhaps in time she will see she is not dealing with the same person. And if she is still drinking maybe it will never be patched up. Drinking brought me to some really dark places. I didn't realize until I had some sober time that some of the things that haunt me are not as exaggerated as they were in my drunken stooper. I think while drinking I really dwelled on situations and couldn't get passed the wrongs that had been done to me. Until I cleared the fog..I couldn't see what part I played in the situation. Give it some time. As others have said..actions speak louder than words. I hope you can find some peace. I have had some toxic relationships that will not be fixed. But at least I have the clarity now to know what I want in my life..and what I have to let go of. I wish you the best.
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Old 02-25-2011, 02:45 AM
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thanks everyone. i think because im not drinking that means i am doing really good. I will check out a meeting and go from there. im not going to call my sister and say "hey you were right and now im in a program" after the way she spoke to me i dont feel that i owe her any explination or update. we see each other at holidays. its not like she is going to notice any improved day to day behavior. basically the relationship is ruined and over.
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Old 02-25-2011, 03:04 AM
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Originally Posted by OklaBH View Post
thanks everyone. i think because im not drinking that means i am doing really good. I will check out a meeting and go from there.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html

You might find it useful to read 29-30.

The road to relapse is paved with resentments.

Something you'll definitely hear at a meeting.
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Old 02-25-2011, 03:21 AM
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Originally Posted by sailorjohn View Post
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html

You might find it useful to read 29-30.

The road to relapse is paved with resentments.

Something you'll definitely hear at a meeting.



wow that is quite a thread. I am going to print it out once I get to work. right now (no offense to anyone because I am truly grateful) its "you should do this, you should do that" Im kinda overwhelmed. i want to be sober and be better. i wish i had a rewind button and i could go back and change some stuff.
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Old 02-25-2011, 03:44 AM
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Originally Posted by OklaBH View Post
I dont see us reconciling. Im to upset to even think about facing her ever again. Who says that to their own sister? "drunk liar" Geez!
My older daughter said it to my younger daughter. They're 25 yrs and 23 yrs old.

My younger daughter was also hurt by it but I told her to just stay away from her and do what she has to do. Don't bother dwelling on what she feels like about you. Move on.
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Old 02-25-2011, 06:55 AM
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Originally Posted by OklaBH View Post

basically the relationship is ruined and over.
Hi,

I'm new so not an expert on anything, including myself!

But I hope later you can look at this sentence and see that it is very black and white, and not neccessarily true. It is, however, a natural way to feel when you are overwhelmed and still very close to the situation.

Good for you for thinking about this and asking for feedback. Hope that some time and distance will help you to see things in a different light.

D
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Old 02-25-2011, 07:29 AM
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Okla, like I told ya, the only thing more addictive than drugs and booze is righteous indignation. Gaud, I love that stuff!! I could snort it, drink it, rub it in my belly! Unfortunately, just like the drugs and booze it robs us of the peace in our lives.

Best to all, Ron
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Old 02-25-2011, 08:12 AM
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Wow a lot of this sounds very familiar I went through that with my sister my 1st 5 years of recovery. When I got sober there was a part of me that thought my family and close friends should cut me a break, after all don't you see how hard I am trying? lol.

What I didn't get till I did a 4th and 5th step is I was like a tornado ripping through the lives of anyone who loved me. I caused a great deal of harm in my family.

They heard over and over about how this time it was going to be different, and yada, yada.

The hardest lesson for me has been what others think of me is none of my business

Things have a way of working out but it takes time it didn't happen overnight or even in my time frame.

It was vital for me to keep the focus on myself and to start worrying about how I was powerless and how my life was unmanageable.

You said it it was time to get real and if I wanted the miracles this program had to offer than I needed to do the work.

We can lead by example, that same sister who used to hate me so, well I am the one she now calls when she need help, but that would not of happened if I hadn't of grown up and took a real honest look at what and who I really was.
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